Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.
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Old 08-29-2011, 09:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

Around this time last year I worked for a community newspaper. I ended up leaving due to moral issues, much like the one Im posting about now.


Pink Ribbon Day. No, we arent trying to raise awareness about breast cancer, but bullying. You see, on Canada's east coast a male high school student wore a pink shirt to school one day, and he was bullied to the point of suicide. He was gay. So now we try to raise awareness through the use of pink ribbons. Not a bad idea, seeing as how a lot of people already have one in their closet somewhere.

For the paper we had many sponsors, and great feedback from the community on the harmful affects of emotional trauma as opposed to physical in regards to bullying.

Some of the best points were made about how physical wounds heal, but emotinal ones can leave you looking like a third degree burn victim on the inside.

All the staff were asked- scratch that, told to wear a pink shirt to work. I refused, and recieved a threat and severe tongue lashing. I told him point blank, I wasnt wearing a pink shirt, period. Next move is his.
He left it at that, but our proffesional relationship was starting to crumble.

Why would I refuse to support such a good cause? Surely you could find no wrong in trying to raise awareness about an issue which causes depression, suicide and murder in young teens.

Perhaps it was a moment of passing clairvoyance. You see, fast forward two weeks and there was an attempted kidnapping in our community. A local middle school student was on his way to school one day when a man pulled up beside him in a van, ased him for directions. The man then jumps out of the van, grabs the kid and starts driving away. Well, he kicks and screams until he finally manages to break free and jump from the moving van.

He runs home and calls the RCMP. A huge investigation ensues looking for the pedophile, and everyone is on edge. Its been many years since anything to this degree has happened in our small community.


Fast forward three more days.

The abducted student made it all up. Nothing happened. I shouldnt say nothing, you see, he was scared to go to school. He was scared of being bullied. After a lengthy investigation by the school staff they had discovered this kid had a mild history of being bullied by the same group of kids since elementary school. They would call him names, wedgies, throw rocks at him.

To make a long story, a little less long, the student who lied ended up issuing an apology.the RCMP, School District and concerned parents sent in many many letters talking about the many dangers of child abduction and all the warning signs.

But what happened to the bullies? This part of the story never ran, and nobody asked any questions. I found it strange that two weeks after everyone donned their pink shirts to fight for this very reason, nobody thoguht to ask about it.

I was quite dissapointed at the community, who was capable of WEARING A PINK SHIRT all day, but when it came to taking any action itself, nobody can be found.

I asked the editor to forward any "letters to the editor" to me that were on this subject, he thought I made some good points and agree'd. I never got one email, because nobody thoguht about it.

I feel like events like these, wear this coloured shirt, or put on this bracelet, or make this .30 donation is all based on self-delusion.

You wear the shirt, or bracelet, or give away some change and you lent a hand, you did your part, your off the hook until next year. Good deed for the year, Check.

But when it truly comes to making a difference everybody hides. I understand there is psychology to blame for this. When in a large group you dont have to take action, take risk because you are just part of a faceless crowd. You might feel a sence of superiority because you already did your part. You wore a shirt that one day.

Thats my rant. Thanks for reading.

And by the way, a co-worker at the paper happened to be neighbours with the child who cried wolf. As it turned out the family tried to fight the school system, saying the bullies need to be dealt with. The school system retorted: "Your child faked an abduction, he needs counselling. Dont worry about the other kids, your son is very troubled."
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Old 08-29-2011, 10:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

I love this.

Bullying is so rampant where I teach. We do deal with the bullies though.
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Old 08-29-2011, 10:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

I agree completely. It's like those damn face book posts. Do you really think you're supporting the fight against cancer by guilting your friends into copy and pasting? At least share an easy way to donate money or information to participate in a walk.
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Old 08-29-2011, 03:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

It's like everybody wants to bring attention to it in hopes that someone may have the inkling to actually be the one to fix it. Mob behavior on its high horse, not really getting muddy but saving face. I too hate this kind of social hypocrisy - yet it is really difficult to criticise those who visibly support the cause, because it is still somehow better than appearing to stand still and do nothing (ie wearing your pink shirt) even though paying lip service is equally as useless.
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Old 08-29-2011, 06:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

So many things in your post I agree with and don't. I think you're completely right, social pressure to join a cause is complete BS. Now I'll probably get flamed so bad for this it'll blow the server up - but I don't really get the bullying cause anyway. I was bullied badly as a kid for two school years - to the point that the whole class would chant REDRUM sigma, REDRUM sigma and the damn teacher would just sit there and laugh (obviously this was about the time "The Shining" came out). Should she have stopped that yes, but she could do nothing to stop it out in the corners of the playground, or when I'd be playing after school - nothing. So you know what - I had to learn to handle it - and with the help of my parents I did just that and once I did the bullying stopped. And, that skill has served me well since then. There are always bullies in life, at any age and any point in life. Better to learn to deal with them when your young and bounce back then to be middle aged having to call the police if someone is mean to you. Is it horrible what happened to the child in the OP's post - without a doubt. But we've got to learn life lessons, there's a reason childhood and growing up are tough - because learning the lessons of growing up is painful. Bullies are nothing new, they've been around for eons. Why "stopping" them now needs to be a cause I do not understand. How do you stop them anyway and who made it teachers' and schools' job to do it? Do bullies clock out when they leave school? I can assure you the answer is no. You just can't outlaw people being ugly, rude or mean - it just won't work.

Rant over - let the flaming begin.
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Old 08-29-2011, 11:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

sigma, for a couple years I too was bullied, by most of my class simultaneously, and the teachers were aware. When my parents told the principal of a particular incident where I spent the whole recess forced to sit in a icy cold mud puddle (and pushed/kicked/knocked back in everytime I tried to get out) his decision was to get everyone to push the desks to the side of the room, form a big circle, put me in the middle and tell me to point out which students did this. OMFG that kicked the sh!t out of me worse than what I was getting on the playground.

Anyways that was just one time (the principal was a sadist), but I digress, I think most people don't "really" understand what bullying is, except of course those like you and me who were "victims" of it for extended periods. Unlike you I never really learned how to deal with it (what did your parents teach you?) I just was really relieved when we moved to another city and I got a fresh start in another city. Probably a large part of my blossoming into a beta man
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Old 08-30-2011, 09:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

Ouch - I bet that did hurt. Without writing a book here the condensed version of what my parents taught me was this. They explained to me that bullies only do what they do for one reason - to get a reaction. So, if you take away the reaction the bully loses interest and moves on. I was able to understand this and apply this. One of my questions at the time was so I just sit there and take it? They explained to me, no, you stand up for yourself if necessary but do it without an emotional reaction. Think like the 180 from the infidelity room. I did this and it worked extremely well by and large. I ended up with one or two kids who had gotten a rise out of me for so long they wouldn't quit. My father explained to me that I had two choices. First to continue on and that it would eventually go away; or second, to confront the ring leader and have a show down - as long as I could do it without drama. I opted for the latter. The next time he started in I said (this was almost 30 years ago so I'm paraphrasing at best) that I was done with the bullying and if we needed to fight it out so be it. We had a very "O.K. Corral" type moment and agreed to meet after school in someone's back yard. We met, among a crowd of people, and proceeded to have a "fight." I think we swapped maybe 5 half assed punches (we were 10 or 11) before everyone figured out I was in for as long as it took. After that everyone lost interest and went home. That was the end of the bullying and ironically the ring leader and I were very good friends from that day on until he moved across the country after college and we lost touch.

I know there is probably nothing in what I just related that would be considered "correct" by today's parenting standards. But, those lessons have served me well, including the one that sometimes you just have to fight. I still count the lessons from that whole experience as some of my best. Now, you can go to the infidelity room and read about the insecurity issues and self like issues that I have now and wonder are they a scar from the bullying. Are those issues a result of the bullying or were those issues there before the bullying and part of what made me a target? I don't know and honestly I really don't care. Those issues are there regardless and I've very easily and successfully managed any number of bullies since then as a result of what I learned.
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Old 08-30-2011, 03:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

Sigma, no flaming from me.

Sometimes you have to whoop some azz. Sometimes this is the only language some understand.

When I was in school talking never solved the bully issue. It was only when fists were thrown that the bully got the message, and he/she stopped.
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Old 08-30-2011, 05:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

That's Awesome!!!
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Old 08-30-2011, 06:15 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

At my school where I work, the bullying is usually vicious and threats of killing are usually made. We don't tolerate this.

However, I am slow to stop a fight when the underdog FINALLY goes apesh*t on the bully....lol. I just let him/her get a few good punches in.
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Old 08-30-2011, 06:21 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

I've been punched, slapped, kicked (not on purpose) for breaking up fights. I've had to restrain children, etc. It's not fun.

They do what they see from their parents (gang ridden area).

I think your teacher let you get a few good whacks in Sometimes it just needs to happen. I don't teach my kids not to fight because on the streets, you can't be passive. However, i tell them to do what they can to get away (without weapons). This has helped many of them on the way home from school.
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Old 07-10-2012, 04:56 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SockPuppet View Post
Around this time last year I worked for a community newspaper. I ended up leaving due to moral issues, much like the one Im posting about now.


Pink Ribbon Day. No, we arent trying to raise awareness about breast cancer, but bullying. You see, on Canada's east coast a male high school student wore a pink shirt to school one day, and he was bullied to the point of suicide. He was gay. So now we try to raise awareness through the use of pink ribbons. Not a bad idea, seeing as how a lot of people already have one in their closet somewhere.

For the paper we had many sponsors, and great feedback from the community on the harmful affects of emotional trauma as opposed to physical in regards to bullying.

Some of the best points were made about how physical wounds heal, but emotinal ones can leave you looking like a third degree burn victim on the inside.

All the staff were asked- scratch that, told to wear a pink shirt to work. I refused, and recieved a threat and severe tongue lashing. I told him point blank, I wasnt wearing a pink shirt, period. Next move is his.
He left it at that, but our proffesional relationship was starting to crumble.

Why would I refuse to support such a good cause? Surely you could find no wrong in trying to raise awareness about an issue which causes depression, suicide and murder in young teens.

Perhaps it was a moment of passing clairvoyance. You see, fast forward two weeks and there was an attempted kidnapping in our community. A local middle school student was on his way to school one day when a man pulled up beside him in a van, ased him for directions. The man then jumps out of the van, grabs the kid and starts driving away. Well, he kicks and screams until he finally manages to break free and jump from the moving van.

He runs home and calls the RCMP. A huge investigation ensues looking for the pedophile, and everyone is on edge. Its been many years since anything to this degree has happened in our small community.


Fast forward three more days.

The abducted student made it all up. Nothing happened. I shouldnt say nothing, you see, he was scared to go to school. He was scared of being bullied. After a lengthy investigation by the school staff they had discovered this kid had a mild history of being bullied by the same group of kids since elementary school. They would call him names, wedgies, throw rocks at him.

To make a long story, a little less long, the student who lied ended up issuing an apology.the RCMP, School District and concerned parents sent in many many letters talking about the many dangers of child abduction and all the warning signs.

But what happened to the bullies? This part of the story never ran, and nobody asked any questions. I found it strange that two weeks after everyone donned their pink shirts to fight for this very reason, nobody thoguht to ask about it.

I was quite dissapointed at the community, who was capable of WEARING A PINK SHIRT all day, but when it came to taking any action itself, nobody can be found.

I asked the editor to forward any "letters to the editor" to me that were on this subject, he thought I made some good points and agree'd. I never got one email, because nobody thoguht about it.

I feel like events like these, wear this coloured shirt, or put on this bracelet, or make this .30 donation is all based on self-delusion.

You wear the shirt, or bracelet, or give away some change and you lent a hand, you did your part, your off the hook until next year. Good deed for the year, Check.

But when it truly comes to making a difference everybody hides. I understand there is psychology to blame for this. When in a large group you dont have to take action, take risk because you are just part of a faceless crowd. You might feel a sence of superiority because you already did your part. You wore a shirt that one day.

Thats my rant. Thanks for reading.

And by the way, a co-worker at the paper happened to be neighbours with the child who cried wolf. As it turned out the family tried to fight the school system, saying the bullies need to be dealt with. The school system retorted: "Your child faked an abduction, he needs counselling. Dont worry about the other kids, your son is very troubled."
Life is about choices--you made yours & your boss, made his (bulling never stops--they have issues, also). It's about doing the right thing!!
The percentage of people that hide is 86 & 14%, that doesn't hide.
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Old 07-10-2012, 03:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

I have a cousin who enjoyed bullying me. She spread an awful rumor about me during Christmas one year, while all our family came up from NYC.

Then the b!tch lost her voice and to this day she sounds like a frog.

Payback is delicious.
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Old 07-10-2012, 06:06 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

I got expelled from a few public schools for fighting because of bullying. I took myself out of public school and demanded to be put in yeshiva because of bullying. The case I made to my parents was that I was going to grab a gun and kill as many of those bastards as I could before I was killed or they could pull me out and send me to a school where this wouldn't be an issue.

Here one of my kids was 'bullied' in school, aka assaulted and mugged. The school thought they could handle it on their own. I brought in the cops and threatened to bring down the wrath of god on everyone by using using Federal discrimination statutes and hate crime laws against the kids, their families, the school and the staff if something wasn't done in 72 hrs or less. The kids got expelled and I still went after them as criminals and insisted they be arrested and charged as juvenile defendants. They were all dragged before a judge and charged with simple battery. The parents had to hire lawyers and go to court and stand there and take it. Because F^ck them.
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Old 07-10-2012, 10:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Bullying... Or am I ranting? You be the Judge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Runs like Dog View Post
I got expelled from a few public schools for fighting because of bullying. I took myself out of public school and demanded to be put in yeshiva because of bullying. The case I made to my parents was that I was going to grab a gun and kill as many of those bastards as I could before I was killed or they could pull me out and send me to a school where this wouldn't be an issue.
A coworker's son did something similar. The school wanted to prosecute the kid, but a juvenile judge was more rational. The judge asked the kid why he said he was going to shoot up the school. The kid just responded that he had no intention of hurting anybody, but he tried to get the bullying stopped any other way and this was the only thing he could think of. The judge let him go with no charges and told the school that they should do something before a shooting happens.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Runs like Dog View Post
Here one of my kids was 'bullied' in school, aka assaulted and mugged. The school thought they could handle it on their own. I brought in the cops and threatened to bring down the wrath of god on everyone by using using Federal discrimination statutes and hate crime laws against the kids, their families, the school and the staff if something wasn't done in 72 hrs or less. The kids got expelled and I still went after them as criminals and insisted they be arrested and charged as juvenile defendants. They were all dragged before a judge and charged with simple battery. The parents had to hire lawyers and go to court and stand there and take it. Because F^ck them.
Damn straight. Administrators will try hard to keep people from filing charges, but they can't stop it.
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