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post #136 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 02:54 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

ISFJ here...

*crawls back into cave*

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post #137 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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ISFJ here...

*crawls back into cave*
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post #138 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 03:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Here is something, maybe specific to me, that does bother me. I enjoy being alone, I don't really need company. That is not to say I want to be alone, just that I do enjoy it when I get it. Here is the rub though. My W is an introvert as well, but I am much further on the "alone spectrum" than she is. Maybe the best way to explain, she loves being around me (at times she will put it that she considers me a drug, not tooting my own horn here b/c seriously, who da ***$ would want to be around me that much, maybe she is mentally ill lol). For me, as much as I do enjoy her company and being around her, other times it is more I could take it or leave it (even just writing this last sentence sounds bad). Every once in a while this does make me feel guilty that I don't quite share the same enthusiasm. I understand logically that part of this is just me (and likewise my W), I am not doing anything malicious. Still makes me feel like poop at times, especially when all my W wants to do is spend time with me.
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post #139 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 03:14 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

great thread. I am INTP or INTJ, pending on the moon phase. Though I know enough to fool the test

I really don't get lonely, though I do like some activities that require others (playing hockey or softball).....
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post #140 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 06:56 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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but I would have been just as happy if no words were exchanged (and it does seem a little odd to me that this person wanted to wish me a good day seeing as I have never seen him before lol).
Interesting to see it from an introvert's side. I've always felt so rude if I didn't at least acknowledge another human in close proximity to me regardless if I knew him.

And I wish strangers a good day all the time. I feel it's a sort of "we're all in this shiit sandwich together so go kill it!" type of thing.
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post #141 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-08-2016, 08:19 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Here is something, maybe specific to me, that does bother me. I enjoy being alone, I don't really need company. That is not to say I want to be alone, just that I do enjoy it when I get it. Here is the rub though. My W is an introvert as well, but I am much further on the "alone spectrum" than she is. Maybe the best way to explain, she loves being around me (at times she will put it that she considers me a drug, not tooting my own horn here b/c seriously, who da ***$ would want to be around me that much, maybe she is mentally ill lol). For me, as much as I do enjoy her company and being around her, other times it is more I could take it or leave it (even just writing this last sentence sounds bad). Every once in a while this does make me feel guilty that I don't quite share the same enthusiasm. I understand logically that part of this is just me (and likewise my W), I am not doing anything malicious. Still makes me feel like poop at times, especially when all my W wants to do is spend time with me.
I can relate to what you write. It is difficult to put into words without it sounding like we just don't like people at all, but that's not really it, but I'm not sure I can explain it.

When I was married, I also enjoyed alone time. It's not that I planned alone time or ever asked my x wife to leave because i needed to be alone, but whenever she naturally was away, with work or out with her sisters, I certainly enjoyed the alone time.

At the time, I hadn't given much thought to the whole introvert/extrovert thing, i just knew that i didn't need human interaction all the time to be content.

There is nothing more sad or glorious than generations changing hands- John Mellencamp
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post #142 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 06:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Interesting to see it from an introvert's side. I've always felt so rude if I didn't at least acknowledge another human in close proximity to me regardless if I knew him.

And I wish strangers a good day all the time. I feel it's a sort of "we're all in this shiit sandwich together so go kill it!" type of thing.
When I am in the locker room with another dude I don't know, I don't want to be part of his shiit sandwich lol

I hear ya though, there is that part of my brain that says it is rude to just act as if the other person doesn't exist. Also, if the other person does say hi, start talking, etc... I make it a point to be polite and talk back, maybe show him/her a fresh meme on my phone .
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post #143 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 07:36 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Here is something, maybe specific to me, that does bother me. I enjoy being alone, I don't really need company. That is not to say I want to be alone, just that I do enjoy it when I get it. Here is the rub though. My W is an introvert as well, but I am much further on the "alone spectrum" than she is. Maybe the best way to explain, she loves being around me (at times she will put it that she considers me a drug, not tooting my own horn here b/c seriously, who da ***$ would want to be around me that much, maybe she is mentally ill lol). For me, as much as I do enjoy her company and being around her, other times it is more I could take it or leave it (even just writing this last sentence sounds bad). Every once in a while this does make me feel guilty that I don't quite share the same enthusiasm. I understand logically that part of this is just me (and likewise my W), I am not doing anything malicious. Still makes me feel like poop at times, especially when all my W wants to do is spend time with me.
DH is further along on the "alone spectrum" than I am. When he is rather "meh" about being around me it's usually because he is saturated and just needs some alone time to process and recharge. Maybe I need less time alone than he does right then. To meet his need for alone time and mine for his presence, we hang out in the basement family room. Large TV, sectional sofa, both computers, sound system, and plenty of space. He gets to "be alone" over there -----> while I watch my shows, game, read, or goof off on the forums. His presence in the room makes me feel not alone and me doing my own thing means I'm not bugging him. When he's ready, he'll just randomly walk over to me and start talking about whatever he was researching, playing, or reading and I know we're back to normal interaction.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #144 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 07:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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DH is further along on the "alone spectrum" than I am. When he is rather "meh" about being around me it's usually because he is saturated and just needs some alone time to process and recharge. Maybe I need less time alone than he does right then. To meet his need for alone time and mine for his presence, we hang out in the basement family room. Large TV, sectional sofa, both computers, sound system, and plenty of space. He gets to "be alone" over there -----> while I watch my shows, game, read, or goof off on the forums. His presence in the room makes me feel not alone and me doing my own thing means I'm not bugging him. When he's ready, he'll just randomly walk over to me and start talking about whatever he was researching, playing, or reading and I know we're back to normal interaction.
My W is similar as me as she does need time to recharge, and she does understand that is how I am as well. I imagine it would cause a lot of friction if she didn't understand this. The logical side of my brain understands this is who I am, it has nothing to do with my W and it not does in malice. However, there is always that other side that makes me feel guilty about it, don't think it will ever be something i can completely shut off, but fortunately the logical side usually wins out.
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post #145 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 11:06 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Ellis, just accept that you are the way you are and your wife is the way she is. As long as she isn't getting her feelings hurt, then you are doing everything just right. Don't feel guilty for being the way you are. Have you considered that your wife wouldn't change this about you for anything? Say that you started seeking her out in an effort to assuage her non-existent feelings of being neglected and she reacted by pulling away for her own alone time. What I'm saying is that water seeks it's own level - you and your wife's level is working. Relax and bask in your relationship as it is.

It is good, though, that you wonder about this. It shows that your relationship matters to you.

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post #146 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 12:21 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Agreed as well. We are not talking about people who simply want companionship, but instead people who don't want to be alone in public b/c it makes them feel uncomfortable. They don't want to be that "guy/girl", the one that others look at and judge as a loser or feel sorry for.
I only feel this way if I know them personally and it's true.. Love hasn't treated them well.. a # of heartaches along the way.. but yet they long to find that special person... our 6th son (he's not ours , but calls me Mom).. he is like this.. every now & then... he'll send me a FB message saying how lonely he is, or drops in and we talk.... he finds women.. but they never last... (yes he is part of the problem.. but he'll say to me if I offer advice.. that he has to be HIM)....

We also had a guy friend like this. .I guess I have personally known a # of people who WERE SINGLE and hated it...

And yes..I do feel bad for their situation...I wouldn't want to be in their shoes...But then I look at society today.. how common it IS to be single.. it's no big deal.. then so many people travel for work, they are out of their element, eating out alone A LOT, doing many things alone....till they meet up with their family again... (at least hopefully - as a luring temptation can get the best of some of those)...

Generally speaking.. if someone is good looking & alone.. I'd never assume they didn't have a significant other.. maybe I put too much stock in physical appearance to say this.. the Good looking always have others coming over to talk or want to get to know them. .unless they are weird, dress badly or something.....
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post #147 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 12:32 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Here is a good introvert example. After I work out in the morning I head straight to work. We have a locker room in our office building so I shower there. Normally I just head straight to my locker, hit the showers, whip my willie around like lasso, style up the curlies, get dressed, and outta there. I am not looking to have a conversation, I just keep my head down and do my thing (not avoiding anyone but not going out of my way to make eye contact either). This morning, there was another guy in the locker room, he said good morning to me when I walked in and have a nice day when he left. It doesn't bother me, I responded back kindly, but I would have been just as happy if no words were exchanged (and it does seem a little odd to me that this person wanted to wish me a good day seeing as I have never seen him before lol).
Did you say to yourself.. maybe he was Gay...and "Fishing"?
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post #148 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 12:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Did you say to yourself.. maybe he was Gay...and "Fishing"?
Lol nah, gay doesn't bother me (If I had thought he was gay I might've accidentally let my towel drop when I got out of the shower ). Just odd (or not natural to me at least) to want to randomly wish a person you have never met before a good day.
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post #149 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 01:03 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Ellis, just accept that you are the way you are and your wife is the way she is. As long as she isn't getting her feelings hurt, then you are doing everything just right. Don't feel guilty for being the way you are. Have you considered that your wife wouldn't change this about you for anything? Say that you started seeking her out in an effort to assuage her non-existent feelings of being neglected and she reacted by pulling away for her own alone time. What I'm saying is that water seeks it's own level - you and your wife's level is working. Relax and bask in your relationship as it is.

It is good, though, that you wonder about this. It shows that your relationship matters to you.
Not getting on your Ellis... but is it ALL GOOD with her....does she feel as you.. or you hope she feels it... because she doesn't complain she must feel it..
Going by that post you did on my Independent Behavior thread... you said "Most weeks I would say getting 4hrs time together (no kids) is probably considered a good week. I see no reason to have some predetermined hours a week you are "supposed" to spend together, all that does it make it a chore, not really the intended purpose."... so what is a bad week.... 2 hours of time together ??

Is this truly fulfilling / "still holding the intimacy" for your wife?

It's just not the norm, you know... it's perfectly well & good to be out of the box in any given area -if our spouses are wired the same, we may even especially LOVE these things about each other..... but still.. many a couple's had "apathy" slowly creep in - when so little time was spent together..

Now if you're both natural Loners, love doing your separate hobbies outside of each other too, yet wanted a family...then you're probably Ok.. Just be careful that she's not downplaying how she really feels here...sometimes women know that whatever they say or feel is not going to matter, like your job, you can't change your hours or how long you commute.... so they just don't go there..

I'd think to revisit this from time to time...as feelings can suddenly change.. she may be influenced by something or want to switch things up... realizing she wants, even needs , more time with her husband...
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post #150 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-09-2016, 01:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Generally speaking.. if someone is good looking & alone.. I'd never assume they didn't have a significant other.. maybe I put too much stock in physical appearance to say this.. the Good looking always have others coming over to talk or want to get to know them. .unless they are weird, dress badly or something.....
I do think you may put too much stock in looks. It would be one thing if you were sitting alone at a bar. However, I don't think it is a case that the "good looking" are having to beat off people left and right who want to talk to them b/c they are out and about alone, but it may be more dependent on the situation they are in (i.e. at the bar vs someone sitting alone at the movies).
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