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post #46 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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So apparently I'm an INFP. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but there you go.
I think that is pretty common for the Muppets

Per SAs post:

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I = Introverted Characteristics

Think/reflect first, then Act

Regularly require an amount of "private time" to recharge batteries

Motivated internally, mind is sometimes so active it is "closed" to outside world

Prefer one-to-one communication and relationships

Every person has two faces. One is directed towards the OUTER world of activities, excitements, people, and things. The other is directed inward to the INNER world of thoughts, interests, ideas, and imagination.

While these are two different but complementary sides of our nature, most people have an innate preference towards energy from either the OUTER or the INNER world. Thus one of their faces, either the Extraverted (E) or Introverted (I), takes the lead in their personality development and plays a more dominant role in their behavior.
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N = Intuitive Characteristics

Mentally live in the Future, attending to future possibilities

Using imagination and creating/inventing new possibilities is automatic-instinctual

Memory recall emphasizes patterns, contexts, and connections

Best improvise from theoretical understanding

Comfortable with ambiguous, fuzzy data and with guessing its meaning.

The Intuitive (N) side of our brain seeks to understand, interpret and form OVERALL patterns of all the information that is collected and records these patterns and relationships. It speculates on POSSIBILITIES, including looking into and forecasting the FUTURE. It is imaginative and conceptual.

While both kinds of perceiving are necessary and used by all people, each of us instinctively tends to favor one over the other.
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F = Feeling Characteristics

Instinctively employ personal feelings and impact on people in decision situations

Naturally sensitive to people needs and reactions.

Naturally seek consensus and popular opinions.

Unsettled by conflict; have almost a toxic reaction to disharmony.

The Feeling (F) side of our brain forms conclusions in an ATTACHED and somewhat global manner, based on likes/dislikes, impact on others, and human and aesthetic values. It is our subjective nature.

While everyone uses both means of forming conclusions, each person has a natural bias towards one over the other so that when they give us conflicting directions - one side is the natural trump card or tiebreaker.
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P = Perceiving Characteristics

Comfortable moving into action without a plan; plan on-the-go.

Like to multitask, have variety, mix work and play.

Naturally tolerant of time pressure; work best close to the deadlines.

Instinctively avoid commitments which interfere with flexibility, freedom and variety

A Perceiving (P) style takes the outside world AS IT COMES and is adopting and adapting, flexible, open-ended and receptive to new opportunities and changing game plans.


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post #47 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:12 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Yes - agree about the control being a major source of comfort or discomfort.

Honestly, my house is off limits for hosting events of any kind. The only exception is thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, and for those events we have the same repeat guests year after year and I put out clear start and end times for the event. Yes, really. Actually starting two years ago when stores began opening for shopping on Thanksgiving itself rather than waiting until Black Friday- I told everyone coming to thanksgiving we were doing an early dinner and everyone had to be out no later than 6 because we were going shopping. Everyone railed at me, how can you do that!! Guess what - it got everyone the heck out of my house at a certain time lol. And then H and I had a couple of hours to unwind before we went shopping in the middle of the night.

My husband thought I was crazy when we first moved in together and I kept making excuses to never have people come over. Finally I told him - look, I hate it. I feel like a trapped animal when people come over just wishing to have my personal space back. And yes, I have experienced the guest that will never leave quite a few times. That is the worst.

In college I had a roommate my last year who was a very close friend. I thought we would be well suited to each other and we knew each other well before living together. I thought she was like me in regards to privacy and wanting alone time. Nope. Every time I came home there would be tons of people in our house. Nothing wrong with having friends over...unless you are an extreme introvert. That living situation was a nightmare for me.

Also the sensory overload - yes I am quick to overload. I have two young kids and from a young age have taught them the value of a quiet environment. They are not always quiet but they are sensitive to their noise. For example, a TV running in the background that no one is actually watching drives me crazy. In my own house I have to turn it off. I always try to eliminate as much extraneous noise as possible. The kids now do the same thing and enjoy time when they can do something quietly with no background noise, like read or color. Our dishwasher is pretty loud and I will only run it overnight on a timed function that works while we sleep bc otherwise the noise gets to me.
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post #48 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:33 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

I too am really surprised that EllisRedding and Fozzy and FaithfulWife are introverts


I am a bi-vert. Mostly introverted. I did experiment with extraversion; just in my college years. You know how it goes.
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post #49 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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I am a bi-vert. Mostly introverted. I did experiment with extraversion; just in my college years. You know how it goes.
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post #50 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 12:10 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Yet we all have no issues talking about penises and vaginas with a bunch of strangers on TAM, or sharing shaved balls MEMEs
I do that irl, too.

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Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
BTW I agree about Halloween (or most theme) parties. Especially for adults, who seem to need such an event to allow their alter egos to come out. Since I tend to be who I am all of the time, I don't have an alter ego that needs allowed out. I guess seeing others do it, makes me feel sad for them.
I haven't really been social for a while. DH and I are also ourselves all the time, so we don't really have alter ego's. Back when we were going to costume or themed parties, we'd consider it a creative challenge to come up with a costume that other people would "get" and that was also sort of obscure or very uncommon.


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I appreciate the sentiment. I'm still a work in progress. There are times when I see someone in the hallway at work or somewhere in close proximity and I say hi. I get silence and then I think, "Man, what an azzhole!" But then I stop myself and think, wait a minute, it's a possibility that s/he's so overcome with social anxiety, to muster up a 'hi' is painful for them. I'm the reverse-it's painful and awkward for me to pass someone and not say hi.

My BF's 16 yo daughter has taught me a lot. She has extreme social anxiety. She can't even go alone in a grocery store and pick up a lemon for me. She gets that overcome with anxiety.

Your BF is a hoot. We might be related LOL.
If you don't mind me asking, where did you grow up and so you live in that region still? I'm from MI. Midwestern friendly. According to an article I read, the definition of polite and friendly really varies regionally. For example, in NYC smiling at people on the sidewalk would seem creepy or insane. In NC, not nodding and/or smiling is seen as rude or interpreted as a bad mood/unfriendliness.

My mother's closest friend was from NC. My momma raised me with manners appropriate to our area. The summer I turned 16 I went to NC for a few weeks and learned a whole 'nother level of manners! A lot of behavior that would be interpreted as friendly and very polite here could easily be interpreted as a bit standoffish and treading the line between polite and impolite there.

My sister had anxiety as a teenager so bad that she couldn't interact with cashiers. When she had to shop she always brought someone with her to handle the transaction. It took years for her to overcome it. My Aunt L lives in a rural area off of on old two lane highway. She has such anxiety that she cannot cross the street to get her mail because she once had an anxiety attack that left her in a ball on the road. They're both very warm and friendly women, but only with those they know well.

I learned to not be offended when someone failed to return greetings because of them. Instead of a typical verbal greeting like "Hi!" or "Good morning!" I just smile and nod. People seem to find smiling in return easier.

According to the test, I am a Commander. ENTJ-A.

What's funny is that you wouldn't know it if you were a fly on my wall. I have an almost non-existent social life. I just don't like too many people anymore. I lost patience for drama and other foolishness a long time ago. I can count on one hand how many people I want to talk to on a regular basis that aren't directly related to me.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #51 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 12:34 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post


I haven't really been social for a while. DH and I are also ourselves all the time, so we don't really have alter ego's. Back when we were going to costume or themed parties, we'd consider it a creative challenge to come up with a costume that other people would "get" and that was also sort of obscure or very uncommon.



H and I have a ballpark resemblance to JFK and Jackie Kennedy.

I always thought it would be fun to dress up in the pink Chanel suit; and he could wear a blue suit; but with a big flap of exploded out brains on his head???

Okay? Very bad taste? Tempting fate and the gods of bad luck?
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post #52 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 12:37 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Very bad taste?
Maybe, ok, probably, but that does not preclude it from being absolutely freaking brilliant!



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #53 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 12:38 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

INTJ as of 25 years ago. 5-10 years ago taking unofficial MBTI-like test onlin, last or last two letters flipped.

I highly recommend Susan Cain's "Quiet:..." book. I haven't finished reading yet, but after just a few chapters of Quiet I felt the weight of having the "wrong" sort of personality and (dis)comfort levels fall off of me:

https://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-I...sap_bc?ie=UTF8



I see she has a TED talk:

The power of introverts
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain...aign=tedspread


https://www.amazon.com/Susan-Cain/e/...ont_pop_book_1

"We are only here briefly, and in this moment I want to allow myself joy." -- Amy, from Spike Jonze's "Her"
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post #54 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 12:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
H and I have a ballpark resemblance to JFK and Jackie Kennedy.

I always thought it would be fun to dress up in the pink Chanel suit; and he could wear a blue suit; but with a big flap of exploded out brains on his head???

Okay? Very bad taste? Tempting fate and the gods of bad luck?
Unfortunately this guy beat me to my Halloween Costume idea

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post #55 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 12:47 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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H and I have a ballpark resemblance to JFK and Jackie Kennedy.

I always thought it would be fun to dress up in the pink Chanel suit; and he could wear a blue suit; but with a big flap of exploded out brains on his head???

Okay? Very bad taste? Tempting fate and the gods of bad luck?
Not that many guys can pull off JFK. It'd be a crime to waste it.


Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #56 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 01:15 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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I was thinking along those same lines earlier today. I consider myself to be introverted. In most social situations I tend to lay low at first until I get a handle on the dynamics. A good example is that teach, sometimes I have classrooms of up to 100 people. I actually enjoy speaking in front of that many strange people. OTOH, I am more uncomfortable meeting a single strange person. Post divorce, this is one of those "fears" I have had to face head on. I seem to be getting better at it the more I do it though.
BTW I agree about Halloween (or most theme) parties. Especially for adults, who seem to need such an event to allow their alter egos to come out. Since I tend to be who I am all of the time, I don't have an alter ego that needs allowed out. I guess seeing others do it, makes me feel sad for them.
OMG, I thought I was the only one who had this reaction to Hallowe'en parties. People always look at me so strangely when I say stuff like this.
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post #57 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 01:24 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Alright, some more random thoughts on this topic.

I think one common theme you will see amongst introverts is control, specifically having control over your environment. The less control you have, the more uncomfortable it makes you feel. Go out with a small group of close friends, you can feel like you have control over the situation. However, as @kag123 stated, as the scale starts to tip in favor of strangers, your control and comfort slips.

@Fozzy had mentioned hosting parties at home. For me, home is my "safe" place. When we have company over, I am ok at first, but the longer they are there (regardless of whether or not I am having fun) it wears on me to the point where I almost feel trapped/overwhelmed as some of my control slips (don't mean to make it sound as dramatic as it may come across lol). Add in those family members who never want to leave, oh boy...

The funny thing is, I can be considered an extrovert, but once again, given the right environment. I go to a small local gym. Been going there when it opens (5am) pretty much every day for years. I see most of the same people there every day. I have zero issues striking up conversations, even with someone I may not know. The reason, this place has become a comfort zone where I have control over the environment. Send me to a big box gym and I probably just go about my business with my head down not speaking to anyone.

I wonder if for some who have issues with being in large crowds or noisy situations, it is in part due to a sensory problem with how we process all the extra "noise". I know the "noise" gets me overwhelmed very quick, and I am noticing the same behavior in one of my sons.
For me it's not about control or noise really. It is about sensory overloald. If there's too many conversations going on at once, I can't process any of them -- I get distracted and overwhelmed and end up just hearing snippets coming at me from all different directions.

I've no problem with unfamiliar environments, meeting new people, thinking about what to say. But I really, really hate big crowds and small talk.
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post #58 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 02:32 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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If you don't mind me asking, where did you grow up and so you live in that region still?


I learned to not be offended when someone failed to return greetings because of them. Instead of a typical verbal greeting like "Hi!" or "Good morning!" I just smile and nod. People seem to find smiling in return easier.
Don't mind at all. I'm originally from CT, but I'm in the Midwest now. Satan's armpit, I call it (only due to the uber conservative government and people). My wonderful job and my BF's 16 yo daughter are the only things that are keeping me/us here. We're seriously looking into moving to Reno when she graduates HS.

The smile and nod is GENIUS. I really appreciate you telling me that because that's what I'm going to do now, too.

My mom said I came out of her womb happy and smiling. I think I got it from her; she's the exact same way.
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post #59 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 02:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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post #60 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 02:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Lol, here are a few others I am cracking up at ...











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