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post #61 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 03:22 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

"I love the feeling you get when someone cancels plans that you didn't want to have in the first place."

I remember being that way! Especially in college and mid-20's. I felt obligated to socialize and be friendly.

Now, I've grown up and realized I don't *have* to make the plans I dread and pretend to like them. Just don't make the plans at all. Easy!

I really do think if I hadn't met my husband at the time in my life that I did, that I would probably not have found a partner. I'd much prefer not to go through the whole dating fiasco at all. Our dating was a result of me pushing myself way out of my comfort zone, back when I had a higher tolerance for such things.

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post #62 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-04-2016, 11:32 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Don't mind at all. I'm originally from CT, but I'm in the Midwest now. Satan's armpit, I call it (only due to the uber conservative government and people). My wonderful job and my BF's 16 yo daughter are the only things that are keeping me/us here. We're seriously looking into moving to Reno when she graduates HS.

The smile and nod is GENIUS. I really appreciate you telling me that because that's what I'm going to do now, too.

My mom said I came out of her womb happy and smiling. I think I got it from her; she's the exact same way.
The nod and smile seems pretty universal, so i should totally work here in the midwest and out in Nevada.

Does your anxiety sufferer have a dog? My sister has a Chihuahua Mini-Pin God knows what mix that she takes everywhere with her. My Aunt has a giant Mastiff mix and 3 little mop dog mixes she brings with her on rotation. My buddy, P, is an item with my friends daughter. She likes to come here when we have the rare get together. P has severe social anxiety. My Pit attaches herself to his side the minute he gets here and stays there. He holds her so tight t0 almost looks like he's got her in a head lock, lol. Man's Best Friend seems to do wonders for the anxious.

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Lol, here are a few others I am cracking up at ...

I have done this. To be fair, it was to avoid driving an hour each way to watch my siblings, their spouses, their friends and a bunch of family get drunk and fight to celebrate the birthday of a cousin I haven't seen since we were kids. I wanted to stay home, watch stand up, and have sex. I needed an excuse they wouldn't question or even want to talk about...

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #63 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 05:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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I have done this. To be fair, it was to avoid driving an hour each way to watch my siblings, their spouses, their friends and a bunch of family get drunk and fight to celebrate the birthday of a cousin I haven't seen since we were kids. I wanted to stay home, watch stand up, and have sex. I needed an excuse they wouldn't question or even want to talk about...
You are officially my hero
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post #64 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 05:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Here is one more

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post #65 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 06:04 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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I have two VERY extroverted friends. I love them both dearly.

I can only handle them both in small doses. I tend to avoid one-on-one time with them because then ALL of their boundless energy is focused on me and I find that exhausting. I love seeing them in a crowd though. They are the ones I cling to because they effortlessly carry the conversation and I can just ride the wave without feeling pressured to perform for anyone else.

They are also the only two people in my life who have ever dropped by my house unannounced. They meant well, but man...that kind of thing takes me days to recover from. I politely told them both to please never ever do that again. They were genuinely shocked that anyone would feel that way.
I wonder...does all introverts feel this way... frowning on friends dropping by unannounced ??.. as this has never bothered me personally..I know I am an Introvert to a certain extent...

But then again.. maybe it matters WHO that person is.. friends who "talk too much" get on my nerves... I can only take them in small doses...

I can't say it's ever bothered my husband either.. and he's more of an introvert over me....I have even said it to friends.. if you are passing by.. just stop over ! Oh our house may not be in the best shape, we may not be home, we might not have any deserts for a snack.. but still.. to catch up... it's Ok.. it happens now & then...

The house we bought, when we first moved in.. there was this older family who would drop by every now & then in the summer....just to see the house.. they lived there ages ago, loved the place... it was very pleasant... we enjoyed those random visits.
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post #66 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 06:12 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Here is one more

Reminds me of this EllisR.... it explains the differences well >> Introvert vs. Extrovert Conversation.....

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post #67 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 06:19 AM
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Cool Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

I too, am so much more gregarious and friendly with a small crowd of close friends and associates that I know well, so much more, rather than a large crowd of mere acquaintances and outright strangers!
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post #68 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 07:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
I wonder...does all introverts feel this way... frowning on friends dropping by unannounced ??.. as this has never bothered me personally..I know I am an Introvert to a certain extent...

But then again.. maybe it matters WHO that person is.. friends who "talk too much" get on my nerves... I can only take them in small doses...

I can't say it's ever bothered my husband either.. and he's more of an introvert over me....I have even said it to friends.. if you are passing by.. just stop over ! Oh our house may not be in the best shape, we may not be home, we might not have any deserts for a snack.. but still.. to catch up... it's Ok.. it happens now & then...

The house we bought, when we first moved in.. there was this older family who would drop by every now & then in the summer....just to see the house.. they lived there ages ago, loved the place... it was very pleasant... we enjoyed those random visits.
I think it may depend. For some, even with close friends, you may need a little mental prep going in to it (for example, if you have a very extroverted close friend who loves to small talk). The unannounced visit takes that out of the equation. I am sure though for many it depends on who exactly the person is, their tendency to do quick visits vs dragging out, etc...
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post #69 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 07:45 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert



The question to me is...why would anyone agree to go somewhere & hang out where they knew they would hate every minute of it .. Just to save face ??

I am more inclined to ask someone if they'd enjoy something, before I would invite them..... hopefully they will at least be truthful ....I generally don't reach out much to others....I'd rather them come to me.. probably because I am aware that others are like this and I can't stand the idea of someone just "going along" when they have no interest or want to be there.. that's "ugly" to me... I'd feel very hurt to know they felt this way...

I myself...I've never been afraid to say.. "nope.. not my thing, don't want to go", or try to find some sort of compromise we'd both enjoy", if I could.... A GF wanted us to go to a bar to see her boyfriend play , he's in a band.... the place was called "Bucket of blood"... lots of shady characters go there, husband had some stories... to us.. that would be a night of dread....we knew it...so I told her...that just wasn't our scene, mentioned a couple things he said even.... but we did go another time to a different bar...

Quote:
Originally Posted by kag123 View Post
Honestly, my house is off limits for hosting events of any kind.
I'm the about-face of this....I very much enjoy hostessing large parties at our house /property..... I never minded all the cooking, preparing, clean up afterwards.. if 4 or 5 teens want to crash around the fire or stay over night.. that's good too...I've been up till 5am at some of these... something about looking around, all the little pockets of interaction, laughing, happy faces, good times, I get Joy from this......

We were asked to host the Band Halloween party this year.. . had 50 some teens at our house the other night, bonfire, movie outside, ping pong table in the garage, basketball.....it can be somewhat stressful at the time.. kids running all over the place, a little chaos... what if someone gets hurt !? one girl scraper her knee & needed ice... ...I wander around with my SLR snapping memories....it's something I can contribute.....I've done parties at our house for the Neighbor's birthdays even.

I'd never want to shoulder being the main focus of a party... this is where my introvert-ism comes in...I just prepare, then sit back and watch the fun unravel... the kids/ the guests MAKE the FUN.. I just create the atmosphere...
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post #70 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 07:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Here is one other item, not sure if this is more common in introverts, would be interesting to hear opinions from others:

- Personal Space: I am very big on this, I want my personal space. I don't like when people are up close to me. One thing that is common where I live is "the greeting" by females. Even if you barely know them, it is common to greet with a hug or kiss on the cheek. I can't stand this, and at times leaves me in the awkward position where the person goes in for the hug and I stick my hand out to shake their hand. So in general, do you think personal space is something introverts value more?

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post #71 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 08:06 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
Here is one other item, not sure if this is more common in introverts, would be interesting to hear opinions from others:

- Personal Space: I am very big on this, I want my personal space. I don't like when people are up close to me. One thing that is common where I live is "the greeting" by females. Even if you barely know them, it is common to greet with a hug or kiss on the cheek. I can't stand this, and at times leaves me in the awkward position where the person goes in for the hug and I stick my hand out to shake their hand. So in general, do you think personal space is something introverts value more?
There is personal space from strangers / acquaintances / friends/ family / kids / spouse...

I understand different people are wired differently.. I came from a family with very little hugging, kissing type thing.. but when I met my husband's family.. WOW.. a bunch of Italians on his dad's side that hugged you very tight , might take the wind out of you.. some of the women were very enthusiastic -happy to see you-like they haven't seen you in years.. but it may only be a month later.. I actually LOVED these people... they were sure friendlier than some of my moody broody relatives....

So I don't mind people who are naturally this way.. it doesn't mean they are encroaching on me.. it's a moment in time.. I have flowed with it..

If I felt it was creepy, some other motive to get so close.. that's another story.. one has to decipher these things..

Would I act like this.. NO... it's not my natural way with strangers.. or someone I just met ...

With my husband.. I never need my space.. he doesn't need space either... he's naturally a double whammy introvert being a Phlegmatic/ Melancholy temperament too.

There is one guy we met - who would come too up close to our face when speaking..he had horrible breath... I can be somewhat confrontational if I've had enough of something...where it's really bothering me...I'll let you know what I am thinking...I'll try to be nice about it -but sometimes that can be tricky.... I can't remember if I told him to please give a little space ... maybe my husband remembers.. but I sure was thinking it. .. if you can smell another's breath... they are just too dang close.... or they sure need to brush their teeth.
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post #72 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 08:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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There is personal space from strangers / acquaintances / friends/ family / kids / spouse...

I understand different people are wired differently.. I came from a family with very little hugging, kissing type thing.. but when I met my husband's family.. WOW.. a bunch of Italians on his dad's side that hugged you very tight , might take the wind out of you.. some of the women were very enthusiastic -happy to see you-like they haven't seen you in years.. but it may only be a month later.. I actually LOVED these people... they were sure friendlier than some of my moody broody relatives....

So I don't mind people who are naturally this way.. it doesn't mean they are encroaching on me.. it's a moment in time.. I have flowed with it..

If I felt it was creepy, some other motive to get so close.. that's another story.. one has to decipher these things..

Would I act like this.. NO... it's not my natural way with strangers.. or someone I just met ...

With my husband.. I never need my space.. he doesn't need space either... he's naturally a double whammy introvert being a Phlegmatic/ Melancholy temperament too.

There is one guy we met - who would come too up close to our face when speaking..he had horrible breath... I can be somewhat confrontational if I've had enough of something...where it's really bothering me...I'll let you know what I am thinking...I'll try to be nice about it -but sometimes that can be tricky.... I can't remember if I told him to please give a little space ... maybe my husband remembers.. but I sure was thinking it. .. if you can smell another's breath... they are just too dang close.... or they sure need to brush their teeth.
The bolded describes my family vs my Ws (my family is very huggy, kissing). It was definitely something that threw her for a loop (and especially after she moved up here with me since it went beyond my family and just people around here in general).

My personal space is pretty much just reserved for my W, kids, and definitely my dogs

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post #73 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 08:56 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Here is something I have often noticed.... in comparing people/ temperaments ... MOST introverts are wired more pessimistic (more realistic -even if it means a little too much negative thinking) over the more Extroverted types who socially can talk their way through anything -they are more wired our Optimists (mainly Sanguine personality types- read HERE) ... who, where they often miss it...may have TOO MUCH FAITH everything will work out , not anticipating obstacles ....where they may need a dose of reality... (of course that FAITH they have helps propel them forward many times), where the pessimist may not even branch out trying...

I see this with our children... our 2nd son is our most Optimistic / most socially outgoing / in more sports, activities, more of a Sanguine personality type.... when he says something.. I have to take it with a grain of salt... if he says that girl over there likes him (he may be way off the mark, she was just being friendly, if he says that Test will be a cinch, he doesn't have to study, "it's in the bag" .... he may end up with a C- or a D! )...

I noticed a conversation with him & his brother (3rd son, clearly an introverted pessimist) where the Optimist brother was telling him he worries too much.. he should live on campus, who cares about the college debt.. he'll get a good job & pay it back no problem... 3rd son was bulking... he wants no part of wasting his $$....Period.. he'll drive...it was an interesting exchange to how very differently they look at the same thing... the pessimist has no toleration for large amounts of debt, what if landing that great job doesn't come so easy.... he is thinking of his future...the Optimist (which by the way has WORSE grades in comparison because he's too much of an Optimist- not putting the hard work into his studies as the pessimist is doing).. then he will spend money far too easily.. then he's broke but seems to have fewer cares...

So when our 3rd son, the pessimist says "Oh that girl doesn't like me... she might be crazy about him.... he might complain he'll fail a test..and he'll end up with an A ... he never overextends something that may not happen).... myself & husband relate far more to the pessimist son over our Optimist son... I see the value in his personality- it has it's perks for sure .. but I think the pessimist will go further in life because he has rightly calculated how much he REALLY NEEDS to study and figured in shi** happening too - as debt accumulates...

I don't think Pessimism is all that bad ... so long as it doesn't allow us to get depressed... we need to balance realism in there.. I have gotten in a number of tiffs with our Optimist son feeling he is over extending the SUNSHINE where he is not being realistic enough ..

So any thoughts on Introverts being naturally more pessimistic in their thinking...who vouches for this ??

The Melancholy temperament is always pessimistic in nature...says here for the Melancholic .... Melancholic people are emotionally sensitive, perfectionistic introverts... in comparison to the "boisterous, bubbly, chatty, openly emotional, social extroverts.- that being the Sanguine temperament.
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post #74 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 09:07 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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So any thoughts on Introverts being naturally more pessimistic in their thinking...who vouches for this ??
Speaking solely for myself, I am a combination optimist/realist. I actually struggle being around people who are pessimists.
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post #75 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 09:53 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Speaking solely for myself, I am a combination optimist/realist. I actually struggle being around people who are pessimists.
I don't think pessimism can't be just for introverts exclusively.

Sometimes in my darkest hours I can be like this in my head, I often hide in solitude during this time, then I give myself a reality check and sometimes my lovely introverted friends help me too.

Often comedians are seen as extrovert, but some I know are really deep thinkers and very intellectual, or introverted still.


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