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post #76 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 09:55 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Speaking solely for myself, I am a combination optimist/realist. I actually struggle being around people who are pessimists.
Our 1st son just showed up here.. I explained that post I just wrote.. he told me that was more of a "stupid / smart" argument not an optimist / pessimist argument... he has a more optimistic personality too... but he'd never waste his money... so he felt in that situation his pessimistic brother was just smarter...

I still feel I am more of a Pessimist by nature.... but I'm not a huge downer.. I simply MUST envision all the obstacles to a situation before I go for it.. I need a plan...I don't want surprises that are going to derail my efforts and set me on a detour.. this would really pi$$ me off...then I'd be extremely grouchy kicking myself to why I didn't foresee these things coming...

I also don't want to think too highly of myself and be deluded...haven't we met others who think they are "all that".. the world revolves around them...and really many do not even like them...I guess I'd rather know the sorry truth...and deal with it... better to not lie to ourselves... but then that is being more of a realist I guess..

There was poster here - his name was "OptimisticPessimist"...I just loved that...maybe that is more fitting....

I definitely come off as more of a bubbly person in real life... my husband is a very pleasant man, even if he is not generally the one to start a conversation.... hard to explain some of this... I guess a pessimist personality does not bother me if they are friendly/ kind..(if all they do is complain, rant & whine.. that would be obnoxious)... if you met us in real life ( @jld & husband would know this)....you'd not come away with the impression we were pessimists...maybe in very small ways.. this would come through.. but over all... we're very open/ friendly.. engaging types...if we are comfortable -that is...

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post #77 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 10:34 AM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Iíve taken this personality test over the years and always come out the sameÖ INFJ: ďThe CounselorĒ/ĒAdvocateĒ. Itís fairly accurate and descriptive of how I am.

Iím very much an introvert and completely understand everything others have described here. Iíve been thought of as a snob and stuck-up, when I was just dying inside not wanting to speak or socialize and not knowing what to say.

Iím also intensely private and meek (although I have my moments and can be ferocious when needed or when fighting for something I believe in); people who have pursued me as a friend or more have all said Iím extremely difficult to get to know. I canít help it. Iíve always been this way.

My introversion is compounded by my social anxiety, which Iíve had since childhood when it was so severe I had selective mutism and wouldnít speak, even at home. So it's like introversion squared.

Oddly enough, even though I'm reserved and rather "removed", I'm very interested in people and genuinely curious about them. I love learning about others and getting to the marrow of everything. It's fascinating and illuminating hearing about the lives of others and sometimes delving into their deepest secrets.

Which is probably why people love talking to me. A lot. Everywhere. Even in the ladies room Many reveal things to me that they havenít shared with others, almost like they canít help themselves; some are even taken aback by their admissions. Iím like some kind of human confessional. Itís so odd. Maybe because Iím caring and empathetic and they think I wonít judge them? I donít know. Truly some of the things Iíve heardÖ I couldíve gone without knowing.

Anyway! Great thread; it's wonderful reading everyone's contributions.

And this seems apropos for this thread.





P.s. I've been described as antisocial before too. I always correct them and say, "asocial, not antisocial".

P.s.s. I'm sure "chatty" here for an introvert.
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post #78 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 01:00 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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P.s.s. I'm sure "chatty" here for an introvert.


"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."


Oscar Wilde
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post #79 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 01:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Which is probably why people love talking to me. A lot. Everywhere. Even in the ladies room Many reveal things to me that they havenít shared with others, almost like they canít help themselves; some are even taken aback by their admissions. Iím like some kind of human confessional. Itís so odd. Maybe because Iím caring and empathetic and they think I wonít judge them? I donít know. Truly some of the things Iíve heardÖ I couldíve gone without knowing.
Lol, this is my same experience as well. I don't think in my case it is b/c of how caring/empathetic I am (I am not really either of these lol) but moreso b/c I don't judge people (at least not out loud ) so that adds reassurances when talking to me. Plus, I have a keen ability to act interested in a conversation when I am actually not. Reminds me of one time I was at the gym talking with one of the female parents there and she just blurts out of nowhere how she has been with women in the past!
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post #80 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 01:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."


Oscar Wilde
"I'd known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She'd hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or being able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact, I bought her a harp for Christmas. She asked me what it was. "

Ltd Frank Drebin, Police Squad
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post #81 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 01:34 PM
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post #82 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 03:15 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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First off, maybe I never noticed before, but I didn't realize that Halloween parties are such a big thing with adults. So going with this, these past few days I kept hearing about and seeing all these pictures of adult Halloween parties and how much fun everyone had. Part of me thinks to myself that it would be a lot of fun to attend. However, the other part of me knows that I have no interest in this, I don't find it enjoyable going out to hang around a bunch of people I don't know to force some awkward conversation. My W and I were actually joking about this yesterday, our neighbor had a Halloween Party and didn't invite us (no big deal). They had invited us earlier in the year to an Adult Only party which we declined (in part b/c it was a Friday night and after being gone from home 14 hours I had no interest in going right back out), so we figured that got us taken off the invite list

The interesting thing, I have little interest in socializing with a group of people I don't know or don't know well. On the other hand, I would have no issues hanging out with a small group of close friends. The problem, it is tough to get to the point where you have close friends if you aren't willing to go out and socialize / get to know people. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining one bit, it is just an interesting dynamic, maybe something other introverts deal with as well.

I just took one of those personality tests and I came up ISFJ which I would say for the most part is accurate (there are a few components which are way off, but not many).
That describes me perfectly. I enjoy being with a few close friends, but being around people that i don't know well in a social atmosphere has no enjoyment for me at all. I have just learned to embrace who I am. I don't think I'm anti-social or weird, I just don't have to be around a lot of people to enjoy myself. I'd much rather just stay at home and do my own thing on Halloween than to be among a bunch of people.

What many don't understand is that it has nothing to do with being shy, awkward, embarrassed, or anti-social by choice; it's just my personality.

There is nothing more sad or glorious than generations changing hands- John Mellencamp
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post #83 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 03:32 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

Had to add my thoughts in blue >

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Lol, this is my same experience as well. I don't think in my case it is b/c of how caring/empathetic I am (I am not really either of these lol) why you are more a THINKER not a FEELER

but moreso b/c I don't judge people (at least not out loud) hmm you are camouflaging yourself Ellis ! so that adds reassurances when talking to me.

Plus, I have a keen ability to act interested in a conversation when I am actually not. OUCH!@# Reminds me of one time I was at the gym talking with one of the female parents there and she just blurts out of nowhere how she has been with women in the past!
Do you know how COLD this sounds ? That we can't really tell who is putting on a show or who is genuine....it's why I prefer people to strike up conversations with me 1st...as I don't want anyone to feel "bothered" ....I'm not stupid.. I know some people are like this. I would consider them more on the passive side though.. just trying to save face.. I am always impressed when people can disagree with me.. it shows they are not afraid to speak their minds..

I would literally cringe to know someone felt this way having a conversation with me though....putting on a good act but their heart is from from you... this is how I read this anyway...

I really don't want to believe most introverts are like this... please tell me it isn't so! Sounds like you would make a good Politician Ellis!
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post #84 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 03:53 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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it's why I prefer people to strike up conversations with me 1st...as I don't want anyone to feel "bothered"
Yes! I almost feel like it presumptuous of me to assume that someone else wants to talk to me, so I will wait for them to say something, or even go out of my way to avoid casual conversation so that if someone does talk to me I can be sure they actually want to and aren't just being polite.

(Sometimes)

EDIT: I'm not sure if this has more to do with introversion or being slightly socially awkward (or if I just think I'm slightly socially awkward because I'm an introvert)

Passive aggressive and emotionally unavailable (whatever that means)

Last edited by Joey2k; 11-06-2016 at 05:30 AM.
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post #85 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 04:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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post #86 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 04:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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What many don't understand is that it has nothing to do with being shy, awkward, embarrassed, or anti-social by choice; it's just my personality.
Exactly, that is what irks me when I get called anti social. I am just sitting around, in my own world, content, and it is said in a way that implies there is something wrong with me lol. I can go to a party, sit in the corner alone, people watch ( I enjoy observing people), and be perfectly happy.
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post #87 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 04:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Had to add my thoughts in blue >



Do you know how COLD this sounds ? That we can't really tell who is putting on a show or who is genuine....it's why I prefer people to strike up conversations with me 1st...as I don't want anyone to feel "bothered" ....I'm not stupid.. I know some people are like this. I would consider them more on the passive side though.. just trying to save face.. I am always impressed when people can disagree with me.. it shows they are not afraid to speak their minds..

I would literally cringe to know someone felt this way having a conversation with me though....putting on a good act but their heart is from from you... this is how I read this anyway...

I really don't want to believe most introverts are like this... please tell me it isn't so! Sounds like you would make a good Politician Ellis!
Haha, no worries SA. It sounds colder then it really is. When I say I am not caring/empathetic, I don't mean it in the "I don't give a "$hit" manner . However, if you are looking for someone to cry alongside you, give you a big hug and tell you everything will be alright, I am not that person. I would say either that is part of my personality or it is just something I picked up growing up b/c that is how my parents are as well. My mom would be the extreme, I am not even remotely close to that. Perfect example, when I would come home from a baseball game limping after getting hit with a ball, you would think the normal reaction from the Mother would be to show some empathy, make the kid feel better. My mom would say "Keep playing that baseball and see what happens!" lol.

In terms of judging, I don't believe I am camouflaging myself. Everyone judges in some manner or the other, it is human nature. What I meant is that when people talk to me, when I give my opinion or if I am asked for advice, I try to be as level headed and practical as possible. I try not to let my opinions/advice swayed by whatever judgment may be running around in my head.

As far as not being into a conversation, that is typically having to deal with small talk. Would it be better if I was just rude and told the person to buggar off? Anyone who does not enjoy small talk I believe can understand this.

One time it did burn me, when I was working during the summertime in college, my manager was Gay (it was quite obvious). He had no issues joking with me about this, I guess he just felt I was easy to joke with regarding this where others would judge him off the bat, etc... It didn't bother me in the least, as long as the guy wasn't trying to get me into a salami sandwich I was cool with it. Sure enough though, he got too comfortable, jokes/comments he made started getting more towards that questionable area. One night we had to work overnight doing inventory (others as well) and when we were done he took us all out to the diner. The next day he comes in telling me that he had a dream and I was the dessert ... Oh, and his boyfriend started calling the store or stopping by to check on me I should have just been judgy/non approachable from the start. Come to think of it, this type of thing has happened a few times with gay guys lol.
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post #88 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 09:27 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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The nod and smile seems pretty universal, so i should totally work here in the midwest and out in Nevada.

Does your anxiety sufferer have a dog? My sister has a Chihuahua Mini-Pin God knows what mix that she takes everywhere with her. My Aunt has a giant Mastiff mix and 3 little mop dog mixes she brings with her on rotation. My buddy, P, is an item with my friends daughter. She likes to come here when we have the rare get together. P has severe social anxiety. My Pit attaches herself to his side the minute he gets here and stays there. He holds her so tight t0 almost looks like he's got her in a head lock, lol. Man's Best Friend seems to do wonders for the anxious.

Oh the miracles our furry children provide to us mere humans!

She does have a cute little dog and of course we also have ours when she stays with us every other weekend.

I know this sounds so cliche coming from "the stepmom" but her anxiety stems from her mentally ill mother. Mom is a diagnosed bipolar who isn't on meds, but decided to take the holistic approach. It's painful to watch the 16 yo in a full blown anxiety attack. I think it's decreased a bit since she stayed with us this summer. She's not second guessing herself as much and is a bit more confident in her decisions. Still a long way from where she should be, imo.
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post #89 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 09:38 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."


Oscar Wilde
Ah Oscar Wilde. Thanks for the quote but itís not really accurate for me. Iím pretty much myself wherever I go and donít need a mask to be honest or speak my truth.

Iím a lot of things, but insincere is not one of them.

I think my ďchattinessĒ here has more to do with the medium of expression (written word) versus conventional daily interactions (verbal). My social anxiety hinders me when I speak. Even still I always speak my mind and am true to myself.
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post #90 of 168 (permalink) Old 11-05-2016, 09:45 PM
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Re: Random Thoughts Of An Introvert

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Here is one other item, not sure if this is more common in introverts, would be interesting to hear opinions from others:

- Personal Space: I am very big on this, I want my personal space. I don't like when people are up close to me. One thing that is common where I live is "the greeting" by females. Even if you barely know them, it is common to greet with a hug or kiss on the cheek. I can't stand this, and at times leaves me in the awkward position where the person goes in for the hug and I stick my hand out to shake their hand. So in general, do you think personal space is something introverts value more?
I am guilty of sometimes touching my friends or coworkers (who I know well) elbow or arm lightly when I'm speaking with emphasis.i don't know why I do this? It's weird. I've never had anyone tell me to stop but this thread has really made me think about that. It's not appropriate for me to do that. I'm the typical Italian lol I talk with my hands so it feels natural to me. I don't do it habitually but I shouldn't do it at all frankly, and That stops now.

Re: stopping by unannounced-I've never done that and never will. all my friends know to call first. I think that is incredibly rude. I may be an extrovert, but mom taught me manners.
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