Here is an example. I live in a rural area, and there are colleges of various sizes in my area. There are some colleges that have smaller classes, and I hear people talk about how they love the small classes because it seems so homey and everybody gets to know each other so well, including the professor; there is a lot of participation in the classes. Personally, I would rather walk into a class of 200 students; that way, the participation level is going to be low. The professor lectures, and I can sit and take notes until time to leave.
I can see this both ways... depends on the situation which I would prefer...keeps coming back to what I said earlier....IF I like the people in the small group.. I would rather it be a small group... I flourish well, the discussions are deeper, more meaningful generally, very enjoyable.... but I would dread if it was a group of people I didn't care for ... We've all met people who RUB us the wrong way.. we think to ourselves "that's not someone I'd want to get to know"... what if they were all talking about partying , getting plastered the night before... Of course it shouldn't be this way in a college class, though it could be at the beginning when they 1st come together.. seems to be a popular past time for many.... I would simply have nothing to offer in those conversations...I'd be thinking "Gawd let me out of here!"...
It's like my husband being in a room with a bunch of football fans... what'd he have to say...he could care less about the Steelers, the Browns, any of them.
I used to belong to a Mops group..about 30 of us women.. we'd break up in smaller groups. I DID enjoy this very very much.. I got to know these women more so by having deeper / more personal discussions... but there were many women there I liked, had many things in common with.. we were all Moms with younger children.. coming from mostly a christian background...
When I read the things You say @southbound
...it gives me pause.. because we don't know if someone is possibly SHY
and wants to be around others .. or they just genuinely LIKE TO BE ALONE
.. like "please leave me alone, I don't want to talk to you or anyone else, but sit here in my dark corner & observe".
I have been SHY
in my life, more so in high school (a lot of things going on at home).. sometimes I WANTED others to approach me, include me.. I always felt somewhat of an underdog really.. As I have grown older...I feel I've picked up some confidence... that I CAN often be the leader in starting a conversation, and be dang good at it too, to make others feel comfortable, bringing them out of their shells.. ... but still I am cautious about that...I don't readily jump in.. I try to read cues on others 1st ....
At my Job, some employees just didn't seem to smile, I was the new kid on the block... when I was "one on one" with these types.. It was more ME who initiated some talking.... and I'd find they weren't so bad after all.. I got them to smile, to laugh...but if I just sat there.. we'd probably never have said a word to each other... now to me that is incredibly boring, a little talking, something.. just makes work more enjoyable, doesn't it ? I don't mean slacking on the job by any means... that's something I would frown upon...but yeah... some conversation..it's good.. it makes the time go faster !
Despite being here and posting, I feel the opposite to this much of the time.
It's much easier for me to express thoughts, feelings and opinions, and connect and be vulnerable in person.
I feel as you Hearts.... with those I am close to... my neighbor, friends we've had tea with, known since high school sort of thing... those in my Mops group (I got a reputation there that will go down in history.. if I am around, sex comes up ! ha ha)... but yeah.. none would be surprised to find me yaking on this forum so openly.. heck even with my step Mom... her & my dad would be joking to take it easy on my husband, not to kill him- with
...& we'd all laugh... what can you do.. it is what it is..
When I was going through something..I wanted to hear from other women .. did you go through this too?? so that let the cat out of the bag.. there was no going back...I am quiet on FB...very few posts.. .but in person.. on a forum like this, why not.. that's WHO we really are.. but true.. in real life... we should be cautious who we Open up with, what all we share - some may use it against us ...best reserved for close friends...those we've built lasting relationships with ..
Sometimes it may be better for me to NOT be so comfortable.. this holds my mouth back.. ha ha I've felt this way in school.. there was a year I was feeling pretty good, more confident... I was more naturally outgoing, OPEN, boisterous in class.... even causing some disturbance
... I almost got time after school once.. .but those were some good times!