My New Year resolution? I need to learn to damn appreciate my husband more. I need to count my damn blessing, and damn thank you to my lucky stars.
Because a man who 30 years old (age 30 is NOT old at all for a man). Handsome. Height 6'1"--tall and slim, he slim and very lean. There zero fat anywhere on his body. He been this skinny/slim body type all his life, even when he was a little boy.
Not only he slim and good looking. He more than well-endowed and beyond well-hung.
He make an income of 100K a year. And Debt-Free.. Checking account have more than enough money to pay for ALL bills. Two saving accounts has more than decent money saving for rainy days.
Two 401k accounts and one IRA account saving for retirement and all 3 has more than decent money retirement saving in it, espcially his IRA account.
Life insurance have, Health insurance have. Excellent perfect credit scores.
Just with his 2 saving accounts and his IRA account alone is more than enough for me just in case if he die. But he still added on Life insurance just in case. Because he is a huge planner.
With all those qualities, he has alot of options out there to chose who his wife is. He could have go to country like China, Vietnam or Russia to find a younger pretty virgin wife if he wants. I'm sure we all heard of Vietnam Mail order bride and Russia Mail order bride.
But he doesn't have to go that far, right here in the U.S he way more than capable of find a wife with his income and savings. A guy who that much Debt-free, his age and his yearly income, there no problem for him to find a wife anywhere (U.S or China).
But he chose to bursted his guts chase me. And adamant on maried me (when I'm not even pregnant). He doesn't have to married me, but he did.
I'm just an average looking girl with parents who discriminate against him and disrespect him. He knows it all, and he still chose to married me.
Also, I'm just a girl with a High school diploma (No college degree). A girl who work minimum wage job all my life.
I need to work on my self-worth (due to my mother who abuse me throughout my whole childhood, throughout my whole childhood. My mother strip down all my self-worth). I really need to work on this childhood baggage of mine. And I need to learn to love and appreciate my husband more.
Eversince I married him, a month he gives me an average of 1K. And he damn adamant on give it to me, he said I'm his 'wife'. I know he wants to see me well taken care of, more than well taken care of. And I do appreciate him, but I really don't need it since he fully pay for my EVERYTHING from a to z.
To be frank, the money he gives me monthly I just put it in a saving. Since he pays for my everything already, yeah that include food I eat is he pays. He pays for my a to z, what do I need it for? Clothes, shoes? He buy it all for me. Heck, even my facewash is he bought. Hell, even my gas is he pays, and that on top of pay for my car insurance.
He could have just put that 1K a month extra to his IRA account retirement saving instead of give me.. Yeah, I know he already have quite decent retirement saving in his IRA, but I'm sure we all heard of no money is too much money.
But he chose to give me instead of put it it more into his IRA account. I need to damn appreciate my husband more.
He work his butt off long hours so he can make 100K a year income, just so I can live a comfy life.
He damn adamant on give me the luxury of be a Stay at home Wife (yes, right now it a SAHWife because I still haven't give you your baby wish yet). He secure everything from emotionally to financially, so I live a stable steady comfy life. Because of him, I get to live a comfy life not have to worry about money.
I posted this in a New Year resolution thread in a mommie-baby site where I'm a frequent poster on (it a community forum for mommies, pregnancy, women who TTC, etc.. where women talk to other women for advice and support). I'm mostly a lurker here, I don't post here much.
And the ladies in there gave me advice, they right. I need to damn appreciate my husband more, love him more. Don't self-subconciously sabotage my marriage. My mother abuse me throughout my whole childhood is NOT an damn excuse for not know how to appreciate my husband.
Because with his USD income and U.S citizenship, he way more than capable of find another girl to married. He stays in this marriage because he loves me. So learn to damn appreciate him.
I need to remind myself how blessed I am and learn to appreciate my husband. This is something I need work on in 2017, along with work on my childhood baggage. In all fairness, I do appreciate my husband, it just I need to appreciate him More, keyword here is 'more'.
oh, and I need to damn learn to STOP subconciously seeking my mother approval of my marriage. A mother who abuse me ad belittle me throughout my whole childhood. And in my adulthoood (just because I married a guy who is an ethnicity she doesn't like). If I write out what my mother said about my husband, I just want to dig a hole and crawl in, or put a bag over my head; yes, it that terrible and hurtful.. My mother also insult me and spit in my face, call me dirty and call my furture children dirty.
I need to accept it, that my mother just won't change. I need to subconciously give up on her. And start enjoy living my life with my husband--he is all I have left now (beside my older brother whom I'm close with).. This is NOT 1930s Shanghai, I'm not living in that era time. Sorry mother, but this is the guy I married, he is my husband, whether you approve our marriage or not.
Seeking help on Foo issues is a big task but doable with a good counselor. Do you have one?
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