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post #16 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
Your talking about strangers and I'm talking about my family.
Lol. Do you think when my son's speech wasn't developing or he wasn't walking properly, or he was having inappropriate meltdowns my family, or my husbands family (teachers, nursery nurses) didn't have a finger to wag or an furrowed brow.

Point is - [saying this with love] - the problem is YOU. Take it or leave it.

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post #17 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:09 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

katiecrna,

30 is not old. I had my first child (of 7 pregnancies) at 35 and my last at 43. We didn't use birth control, or medical help getting pregnant, it just worked out that way. I didn't buy into the medical profession's theory that I was old and decided to "pass" on the down syndrome test for every single pregnancy, because no way was I going to abort a child for any reason.

We have 4 healthy children, from 14 to 21. I'm glad I didn't have children earlier, because I wasn't mature enough to be a good mother, and i was definitely focused on my schooling...plus I wasn't married anyway!

I left my career to raise and homeschool our children, although that wasn't the plan in my 20's...I was going to be a career woman!

Ignore the judgemental family. Live your life. Do what works for you.

Try to not be sensitive, and to not take their ignorance personally. If you are confident, and realize that what they say is coming out of their own (small) minds and lives, you don't have to take it on....although it does grate on the nerves when judgementalism and ignorance are pushed as undisputed fact.
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post #18 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:10 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

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@Kivlor it's smarter to have kids when you are ready. That's the bottom line. Life is full of would-of, could-of, should-ofs. We all do the best we can and we may not be where we planned we would be, life doesn't go according to plan all the times.

For me... it's smarter for me to finish my degree before having kids. And I just graduated. Now I'm planning on trying as soon as I pass my boards. So yes, it is smarter for me to do so.
It's good to have a plan. I hope it works well for you.

When I discussed this with my sister she nearly had a meltdown. She's 29 and everyone could tell that my comment "I think it's better to have kids when you're young rather than waiting, and that it's bad advise to tell people to wait till their 30's" was an existential threat to her. She took it personally, rather than just seeing it for what it was: me musing about what people tell their kids, vs what might be more sound advice, and further discussing the fact that our family doesn't live long only made it worse.

She absolutely freaked about me pointing out that I'm past the half-way mark most likely, and I don't have kids. I'll not likely see my grand children. She has slightly better odds, but most of the women in our family are dead at <65, so she's not sitting great as she's only 2 years younger. Instead of "dating" (ie not seeking very serious relationships in a serious way) both she and I should have been serious about relationships at 18. My mom waited until 33 to have her first (me). She was diagnosed with cancer at 51, and has been battling it on and off for 13 years. She may never see a grandchild. She almost certainly will never see her great-grandchildren like her parents and grandparents did.

It is very likely I will not see any future children graduate high school because I have waited. Or that I'll just never have any.

Just beware the dangers of waiting. You can recover from the "mistake" of having children "too early" via education and work. You can't recover from the "mistake" of having children too late.
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post #19 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:13 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

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I don't know what your problem is @peacem but I have self esteem. Just bc I'm venting and I can identify honestly how I feel doesn't mean I sit home and cry all day and dwell on what they said about me. Your really stretching here.
Trying to help you, but I think I will give up.

Do you normally attack people who are trying to support you? I want you to be confident and not caring.

You cannot avoid criticism and disapproval of relatives. We all have to deal with it.

Last edited by peacem; 01-03-2017 at 05:26 PM.
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post #20 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I got baby shamed

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Originally Posted by peacem View Post
Lol. Do you think when my son's speech wasn't developing or he wasn't walking properly, or he was having inappropriate meltdowns my family, or my husbands family (teachers, nursery nurses) didn't have a finger to wag or an furrowed brow.



Point is - [saying this with love] - the problem is YOU. Take it or leave it.


I wish I was as perfect as you.
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post #21 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I got baby shamed

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Trying to help you, but I think I will give up.

Do you normally attack people who are trying to support you? I want you to be confident and not caring.

You cannot avoid criticism and disapproval of relatives. We all have to deal with it.


Whose avoiding it?? I don't understand where your getting your information. I don't avoid them at all. All I was saying is that I was baby shamed over Christmas and I feel like I'm stepping back into the 1950s when I'm there. Geez your really stretching.
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post #22 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:48 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

By the way my cousin and his wife just had their first child last month. He is 48 and she is 43. They only got married 2 years ago, FIRST marriage for both. No, they probably wont see their grandkids. But I bet their marriage will last, because they both waited until they were mature and sure that this relationship was with the right person.
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post #23 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:07 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

I've gotten very abrasive with family, friends, strangers over the past few years. Mostly minor issues.

"None of your f--king business" is a good answer to anyone. Particularly in your case.

My hometown sounds similar to yours. I have classmates that became grandparents in their late 30s. Never worked a day in their lives. Government assistance, WIC, and Trump supporters. Gotta love Facebook.

My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.


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post #24 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:08 PM
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post #25 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I got baby shamed

Hahahaha @PhillyGuy13 this cracked me up. It's like a different world...

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post #26 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:18 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

I get the baby shame, I'm 29.
Might put this on a T-shirt.







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post #27 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:29 PM
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post #28 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I got baby shamed

Go Janet!! Let's hear it for us geriatrics!
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post #29 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 06:45 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

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Originally Posted by katiecrna View Post
I went home for Christmas to my small hometown.

This might seem like overkill to you; but how about not going home anymore (at least not at Christmas, when you are supposed to be festive and happy).

Personally, I would begin avoiding my "loving" family if they consistently treated me like this. But I gotta tell you, I am weird that way [result of bad experiences]. Other than my grandparents and great-aunt; blood means ZERO to me.

That said, it sounds like they are extremely threatened and/or jealous of you. Who gives a f.ck when someone else decides to have a kid or not???
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post #30 of 61 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 09:59 PM
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Re: I got baby shamed

Meh, we had our girls in our late 30's. Nothing to it. Smile and nod, smile and nod.

It's only a knife if you let it. Otherwise a soda straw at best.
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