I understand what your saying. I accidentally offend some people while looking for comfort in those that agree with me while shaming the others while I seek comfort from those that shame me. I acknowledge the hypocrisy in this.
My intention is never to make anyone feel bad about who they are and what their goals and beliefs are and I realize I have done this. I felt and was shamed by them, and I hate when people make me or anyone else bad or less about who they are so my venting to gain comfort and understanding ended up doing exactly what they did to me. And I am sorry about that and I 100% did not mean it.
I appreciate that you can see this.. wouldn't we all love a world where we all fit in , just embracing the diversity...with no one feeling "put down" for their choices.. but of course it won't ever be .. at least in this life... it's why we humans cling to our own groups, social classes where we feel a comforting acceptance for who we are...
And sometimes it's "misery loves company" sadly...
I have a cousin, we grew up in the country, same school, 3 yrs apart - who never had children.. she is a Physician's Assistant...she loves her dogs.. going to the gym and her husband is a Chef at a booming restaurant in a big city.. our lives couldn't be any more different for sure.. I recall her years ago.. knowing me the way she did.. saying she could see me with a slew of kids.. this came to pass for me.. all I wanted was to live in the country, barefoot & pregnant with a devoted husband by my side....all the boisterous chaos that comes with having a family....
She would never want that...she wanted the freedom to enjoy a Robust career and make a difference in many
lives.. We don't see each other much.. but when we do.. we've been able to openly laugh and share about our very different lives, I ask about her dogs.. her experiences in the ER, some crazy stories, what her husband's best dish is..... things of that nature.. and she's happy to share.... that's the way it should be..
When I come home, there are very obviously fundamental differences and beliefs between me and my husband and our families. I don't mean it to be or worse but for sure there is an obvious difference. So to my, I try not to get into conversation about things that are different, and if I do which always ends up happening I try my best not to make it personal and offend people. I try to stay factual and not personal. His cousin made it personal, when it could have been just difference of opinions.
I understand the need to vent.. women need to do this from time to time.. me too!
I had a friend buy concert tickets for us earlier ... she unknowingly ended up paying twice the price by buying from a 3rd party website.. I wanted to ring her neck.. I jumped down her throat for not reading the fine print, at least comparing Ticket master prices 1st where I gave her the link.. so now it's like flushing money down the dang toilet.. but all in all... It's a "Live & Learn".. next time I'll buy the tickets!
What exactly did she say?
Well we were sitting at the table with her and her 2 young daughters (15, 9). And we were just talking about other family members having kids. And she was saying how this one family member(27 yo) isn't waiting after she gets married to get pregnant because OBVIOUSLY she is getting really up there in age. She said this with judgement and attitude. I said, yea she is still young but of course that all depends on how many kids you want and your fertility blah blah. Than her 7 year old said, mommy isnt the perfect age to have kids is around 26? And her mom answered yes. Then the cousin said to me... your 27 right? And I said no I'm 30. Right away she had a look of disgust across her face and said omg your 30!! She looked like I just pulled a rabbit out of my hat, she couldn't believe it. Then she went on to say she is surprised from someone who works in health care how I CAN ACTUALLY wait that long to have kids. All in total attitude judgmental tone. I just said calmly, I know that is places like this that is abnormal. Come where I live, women have children later in life, in their 30s and that is the norm. The conversation then changed.
And seriously .. they Do in her neck of the woods too.. I agree with you... she was OVER THE TOP .. whether she really believes and teaches her kids that 26 is some optimum age (with no mention or care of marriage, being prepared somewhat financially).. you just know she's not thinking with the best of intentions -even for her own children.. sadly.... you have to wonder if this is subtly projecting validation for her own choices....It would be hard to not just come out and ask...
"Are you trying to say something to me, I'm feeling you are disgusted with me ...seriously? ...just to hear her come back...
Which I did not want to make her feel bad about her choices. Even though she got pregnant in high school. I could have thrown shade at her like she did to me, but I kept it from getting personal and just stated a fact.
you did the right thing @katiecrna