Re: 'Dear Diary' thread, please feel free to add yours Dear Diary.
I'm worried, but when am I ever not? Today I'm spending the weekend at home with my husband, just like every weekend. Hopefully almost every weekend for the rest of my life will be spent with him, at home, in relative safety. But I'm worried. I'm not even sure why this time. We have plenty of money for the time being, and our country's leader hasn't sentenced us all to internment camps yet. So I'm safe. For now.
I hate being afraid of things that COULD happen or MAY happen or probably WILL happen, especially if those things aren't happening now. It robs me of my ability to enjoy the time I do have, and I know one day I'll want happy memories to look back on, because there'll be no more hope for happiness at all one day in the future. I'm tired of having to work so hard to distract myself from the existential dread and the despair. I hate that even if I try as hard as I can to distract myself, I'm only ever not worried for a few minutes a day. How have I always lived like this?