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post #196 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 07:48 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by katies View Post
Most people hear better when you whisper than when you shout.
I'm one of them.
I showed up at SI as a WS and there was something I didn't confess to or do that I should have done or something like that. They slowly talked me into it. It was the right WAY to do it. I think I even wrote once how much I missed my AP. The repliers who asked me to put myself in both BS's position are how I finally saw what I was doing and the person I was. Not the hard knocks and insults. That just made me defensive. And if you're dealing with someone who's head isn't on straight in the first place....
I'm guessing that 2X4s and hard stances simply scare people away and they just say screw it and leave a site. But if there is a gentle prodding of sorts, and if the newly posting WS can stick around a while, they usually get it.
I've been reading SI for 7 years. That's what I notice.
The impression I have is once a wayward spouse is identified it's perfectly acceptable to declare open season on them. Some/many members apparently feel emboldened and entitled to be personal, insulting, rude, and hurtful. I have a suspicion they want to project strength, decisiveness, and being well enlightened hoping for validation through "likes".

Turn offs? People who talk at people.
Turn ons? People who talk with people.


.........><)))#">
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post #197 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:22 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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What I find interesting about Spaceghost and other threads like it, regardless if they are real or fabricated, is the response they get.

It seems like many of the BS on that site (many of whom are trying to R) respond to the threads with envy. Saying they wish they had taken decisive action, dumped their WS. It says something about those that drink the R at all costs cool-aid over there. If R is such a good idea, why do many admire those who don't do it.
Bingo!!! It is the reaction that is illuminating. Whether these stories are fiction or not they strike a cord with many BSs - in particular BHs who have reconciled or trying to reconcile. I agree with your assessment - a story about a decisive BH taking action, following through and coming out on the other side resonates with them because they wish it was them. Is true R possible of course but have you seen some of the cases at SI where couples are in R? Multiples APs, shagging a best friend or relative, sex in the marriage bed to please a lover, no sex or little sex after R, wives giving their H an STD, confessing 20 years later...my question is when is enough enough? I think these men wish they could be Spaceghost in some form...I dont know who is fake or not - nor do I care really..if I think a thread is fake I just move on...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #198 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 08:24 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by eric1 View Post
Who gives a crap is stories are true or not. Even super real ones change significant details to protect their anonymity.

We are here to help
Eric you well know many there don't listen to other points of view no matter how gently it's stated.....

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #199 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 11:38 AM
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Re: Other forums....

@italianjob ~

So does the quote below strike you as dishonest? Does it bother you when TS speculates about the mindset of betrayed husband's {though he's never been one} and states it as fact? He's talking about and noting posts and reactions from other forums too as he comments frequently about SI and used to promote chumpcheater a lot too. Does his modus operendi bother you? It's not much different than mine?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Truthseeker1 View Post
Bingo!!! It is the reaction that is illuminating. Whether these stories are fiction or not they strike a cord with many BSs - in particular BHs who have reconciled or trying to reconcile. I agree with your assessment - a story about a decisive BH taking action, following through and coming out on the other side resonates with them because they wish it was them.
Is true R possible of course but have you seen some of the cases at SI where couples are in R? Multiples APs, shagging a best friend or relative, sex in the marriage bed to please a lover, no sex or little sex after R, wives giving their H an STD, confessing 20 years later...my question is when is enough enough? I think these men wish they could be Spaceghost in some form...I dont know who is fake or not - nor do I care really..if I think a thread is fake I just move on...
Emphasis mine:

Most Betrayed husband's don't "wish it was them" as "most" betrayed husbands, in my estimation, want to recover their marriages and families.

I think the stories get attention because they are, like Azteca said, the Jason Bourne stories of the infidelity forum genre. We see threads every day with the {honest} typical stories of infidelity, indecision, and predictable uncertainty, so these supposed decisive threads are the 40 car pile up stories that just draw you in. Plus, they move fast and everything comes to head neatly. Humans like checklists ~ and conclusions. Real life doesn't "conclude" for any of us until we die so we rubber neck to read fables of persons who pretend to "get it".

Then there is the fact that hurt people don't mind doling out and seeking some justice as long as it's not their ox that's getting gored. They can cheer on a guy blowing up his family and scorching his wayward wife while feeling completely the opposite about their own situation where they love and retain hope for their wife and family and want to work it out {or, at least, continue to try to}.


Then there are divorced betrayed husbands and betrayed husbands that rug swept and remain in horrible marriages. They tend to be very vested in the fact that their marriage remains or was completely unrecoverable; and, conclude that any time they spent trying to recover was a complete waste of time. These men DO tend to lament not doing what these troll stories do and they jump on board quick to encourage, defend and cheer them on. They'll even justify lying thinking "even if they're lies, who cares ~ it's what I wish I'd done and it's the best way to react in these situations anyway" without any care and empathy for the betrayed spouses that are coming in after them whose situations remain completely undeterminable by anyone and who won't actually save their family by being a tough guy like the stories try to convey.

There are more lamenting betrayed husbands on SI then anywhere else on the web so they are suckers for this type of fake story. But they don't speak or react on behalf of ALL or even most betrayed husbands

Further, my wife and I have coached betrayed spouses through the entire divorce process. Some choose to divorce {as is their right and usually after careful deliberation, gnashing of teeth and "trying" for awhile} and others that had no choice because their wayward spouse filed and left them. Our opinion is reprobate wayward spouses make horrible parents and should be denied custody of their children to the greatest extent possible while being required to pay the highest ransom possible in alimony and child support. They wanted this, they should pay for it. We encourage such divorcing betrayed spouses to be strong, demanding and "take no prisoners" while also being very strategic throughout the divorce process. In fact, I encourage betrayed spouses to prepare for the possibility of divorce throughout the reconciliation attempt {just as I had}. I don't do all that because I wish I had done the same, I do it because there, but for the grace of God, it could have been me in that situation fighting to protect my children from my then awful wayward wife. I know what selfish entitled monsters unrepentant waywards are and encourage such divorcing betrayeds to get themselves and their children as far away as possible from them. I have sympathy and empathy for their situations while thanking God and my repentant wife I'm not in their company.

If they happen to be true, Spaceghost and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter are not heroes, they are tragedies.

If they are fake, they are destructive in the sense that REAL betrayed spouses are wasting their time reading, contributing to and absorbing as a possible path to reconciliation a complete fantasy with unrealistic timelines, reactions, and decision making. Most betrayed husbands, in particular, show up to forums looking for help SAVING their marriages. While not all can be saved, many more might end up divorced if they are lead to believe going nuclear is a realistic path towards manipulating their wife to discontinue her affair, reconsider the marriage and truly reconcile. In reality, going nuclear, in the end, usually just confirms all their rationalizations and justifications for cheating in the first place.

I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen
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post #200 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 11:55 AM
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Re: Other forums....

Quote:
Originally Posted by stillthinking View Post
What I find interesting about Spaceghost and other threads like it, regardless if they are real or fabricated, is the response they get.

It seems like many of the BS on that site (many of whom are trying to R) respond to the threads with envy. Saying they wish they had taken decisive action, dumped their WS. It says something about those that drink the R at all costs cool-aid over there. If R is such a good idea, why do many admire those who don't do it.

Also interesting - try reading a Ws who becomes a MH...infidelity takes on a whole new meaning for them..which leads me to believe that even when a WS says they are trying to get it..they never really will unless they feel betrayal...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #201 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:01 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by Tito Santana View Post
Love Shack?

I got me a car, it's as big as a whale
And we're headin' on down to the Love Shack
I got me a Chrysler, it seats about 20
So hurry up and bring your jukebox money
The love shack is a little old place where we can get together

Life is good, then you die!
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post #202 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 12:44 PM
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Re: Other forums....

Quote:
Originally Posted by eric1 View Post
Who gives a crap is stories are true or not. Even super real ones change significant details to protect their anonymity.

We are here to help
This is good timing. I've started my own story over there. It's going to be a story of a married woman with children that discovers her husband is cheating with a co-worker of his. We'll go through discovery, confrontation and "no contact" followed by repentance and reconciliation. It'll be a story of love and hope and it'll probably take a year to unfold. The advice I was getting initially was kind of disappointing {though expected from SI}. Drink water, get plenty of exercise, gather a circle of support from family and read some ebooks was the terrible advice I got at first but, finally, at 910 am I got some better advice from Iwantmyglasses ~ confront now, expose, explaining "no contact" and insisting he'll have to quit the job.


I look forward to your "help" and glad you don't care that I'm making it up.


{before anyone gets upset ~ let me just say that betrayed2017 is NOT me and I'm not really making up a thread or story on SI ~ I'm just making the point that no one would really want to invest their time and offer "help" to a story they KNEW was completely fabricated to promote some agenda. Spacetroll and NGMUPIC aren't real people innocuously changing up a few facts to protect their anonymity ~ they are demons set out to destroy families with fake stories interspersed with fake harmful "wisdom"}

I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen
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post #203 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:14 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by Truthseeker1 View Post
Also interesting - try reading a Ws who becomes a MH...infidelity takes on a whole new meaning for them..which leads me to believe that even when a WS says they are trying to get it..they never really will unless they feel betrayal...
speaking as someone who has experienced all this, this is true. That said, the BS at some point had to say to themselves, it's more important that my WS feel the same pain as me than me to prevent that pain for them.
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post #204 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 02:57 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by katies View Post
speaking as someone who has experienced all this, this is true. That said, the BS at some point had to say to themselves, it's more important that my WS feel the same pain as me than me to prevent that pain for them.
My general opinion is betrayed wives, more often than not, have revenge affairs to hurt and punish their wayward husbands; whereas, betrayed husbands are more likely to have revenge affairs as a false desire|attempt to reclaim their self-respect and masculinity. These men selfishly and foolishly feel entitled to a 'get out of jail free card" and think evening the score will make THEM feel better {even if only temporarily}. They may even convince themselves their wayward wife wlll be OK with it since she'll no longer have to remain the only bad guy.

I think revenge affairs are completely wrong and harmful. It's sin and there are consequences to sin for the person committing it. There's no evening the score card with God. You either keep YOUR vows or not and there's nothing my wife can do or not do that would result in me cheating. That said, I think a wayward spouse has little to no right to criticize or judge their betrayed spouse that ends up having a revenge affair. There are consequences to adultery and one of those consequences is that it's very likely your betrayed spouse will do the same thing to you thereafter.

I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen
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post #205 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 04:37 PM
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Awesome. I get to have another one then.
Vows are to yourself as well as your spouse.

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post #206 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 05:35 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Awesome. I get to have another one then.
Vows are to yourself as well as your spouse.
"get to"? So, you haven't learned yet that there's absolutely nothing but darkness and despair in an affair?

There's no "getting" of anything of value in adultery.

The fact you think affairs are "getting" something is a pretty good demonstration of just how foggy you remain.

Your husband only hurt himself by having a revenge affair whereas your hurt over his affair was self-inflicted.

Don't like consequences, don't commit adultery.


I know you THINK this is a double standard ~ but it's not. Again, what he did was clearly sin. It was immoral and wrong; but, listening to a wayward complain about it in front of other truly unsuspecting betrayed spouses as though you have any idea about real betrayal is obnoxious. You knew it was likely to happen and you've got to remove the johnson from your own mouth first for a long time {like decades} before you get to complain about what your husband does with his.

I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen
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post #207 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 07:04 PM
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You are not picking up on my sarcasm. That's my point. There is no "getting" because to do so means betraying yourself,
And it never occurred to be he'd do the same in return.
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post #208 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-19-2017, 09:36 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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speaking as someone who has experienced all this, this is true. That said, the BS at some point had to say to themselves, it's more important that my WS feel the same pain as me than me to prevent that pain for them.
Or maybe they just didn't think loyalty was as important in the relationship anymore. Not saying it's right but I can understand the thinking. Everyone is tempted every once in a while, it is probably harder to remain faithful when you feel like it was never really a big deal to your spouse, plus all the other emotions of wanting revenge and feeling unloved.
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post #209 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 02:11 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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@italianjob ~

So does the quote below strike you as dishonest? Does it bother you when TS speculates about the mindset of betrayed husband's {though he's never been one} and states it as fact? He's talking about and noting posts and reactions from other forums too as he comments frequently about SI and used to promote chumpcheater a lot too. Does his modus operendi bother you? It's not much different than mine?
Yes... Sorry to say... it's a lot different.

It's obvious that when you talk about a mindset you're not talking about facts. Yes, it would be more correct if he added something like "in my opinion" or "my impression is" but it's quite obvious that it's something due to his writing style.

No adult poster would say "hey, I missed that fact", like someone did when you stated that WHATSHISNAME wife was his mistress before becoming his wife.

Oh, it does happen in all forums that something gets said by error (maybe mixing two different threads) and then is reprised from someone else and at one point becomes an established fact when it never happened, but I did call you out (two times if we include last year) on that because I had the impression that it wasn't a mistake.

The fact that you're so precise, often know exactly who said what on which thread, and take notes, makes it hard for me to believe that you didn't change the narrative to fit your agenda.

The fact that what you changed might be fictional, doesn't change a thing, philosophically. You try to make something different to make the story mean something else. It's like we were talking about a movie and you tried to change the meaning of the story citing something that never happened in the story as told. I find it intellectually dishonest.
That's my opinion of course.

I think a lot of stories on these forums are fictional, but they are on both sides. So if for every made up story where a BS loves his/her WS so much that it doesn't matter if they ****ed the whole neighborhood or if they had a 10 years long affair with his/her best friend, I think that these stories, like Spaceghost's, restore a bit of the balance, true or not.

And I agree that most BS want their life back as it was before, but, at the very least, 90% of them, in my opinion, will never ever get it. Those who will reconcile, in most cases, will settle for a surrogate of that. Which is ok, as long as they know what they're doing and what they're getting.

I don't think that for people on forums the goal should be saving the marriage or push for divorce, but to have posters make their choices with their eyes as open as possible...

Last edited by italianjob; 05-20-2017 at 02:24 AM.
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post #210 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-20-2017, 04:02 AM
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Re: Other forums....

Quote:
Originally Posted by stillthinking View Post
If R is such a good idea, why do many admire those who don't do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Truthseeker1 View Post
Bingo!!! It is the reaction that is illuminating. Whether these stories are fiction or not they strike a cord with many BSs - in particular BHs who have reconciled or trying to reconcile. I agree with your assessment - a story about a decisive BH taking action, following through and coming out on the other side resonates with them because they wish it was them.
I think you're both guilty of confirmation bias* here. You're leaping to a conclusion that the admiration is because of the outcome post-infidelity. It's a story, I think, that resonates most with those that have swallowed the Red-Pill. The Hero shows all those attractive Alpha Male traits; Strong, decisive, single-minded, lack of self-doubt, a man with a plan. Yet he lacks all the soft-skill Beta traits you need as a decent husband and father - empathy, compassion, communication (biggie) and ability to listen. The lack of any misgivings about ending a twenty year plus marriage is totally unrealistic.

Getting his tearful WW to explain to her children why their father is divorcing her is a Red Pill fantasy. The author of Spacetroll, never thought that a leader would never abdicate his responsibilities like that and a good father might think that his own children might need him.

* Would never claim I'm immune.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eric1 View Post
Who gives a crap is stories are true or not. Even super real ones change significant details to protect their anonymity.

We are here to help
This just reads as: Trolling is fine so long as I agree with what they are preaching.

Nah. Not for me. WE're here to try to help those that need it. Not to be deceived and unwittingly take part in someone's agenda.
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