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post #46 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 06:33 PM
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Re: Other forums....

Banned from SI for posting links to other sites and apparently mentioning a political figure. I think the site has it's good points but they seem to foster a cult, top down mentality. The BS board is very similar to advise given here sans the links. I know one poster here and at LS who will not post on SI due to their policy about links. This poster only links to per-review sites on the subject they are discussing.

Ran into trouble at LS for links but William was much more patient simply issuing warnings and guidance. Some of his calls I don't understand such as this site State Specific Divorce and Custody Information - Divorce Source as he feit they offered a service for pay. But it's his dime so it's his call.

What I love about TAM, it is very liberation. It will allow posts to just about any site including competitors.


How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #47 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by Quality View Post
If you want a lot of back story about William, then read on ~~~>

Some of what I found I discovered or learned on the following blog that, as of today, is still there. It was started by a large group of betrayed spouses that all or most all got booted from LS after wayward Lord William took over moderation there from Tony in 2012-2013. If you want a background on all the other woman and sock puppets that post on LS, search for comments about them there.

Loveshack and The Other Women


Lord William's original posting name is/was Carhill. I don't know if it's still there but Carhill used to have a bunch of creepy journal entries. He claimed he was a virgin at age 35 but also bragged about having sex (such sex may or may not have included actual intercourse - don't know) with a married woman at age 20. Most of his journal entries are about his inadequacy and inability understanding women and relationships. The poor guy has mommy issues and was dominated by his mother which is how he rationalizes and justifies becoming a cheater in his 20's and 30's.

The entire Loveshack forum used to have 2000 posts a day. Only 200 or so of those were in the infidelity area. It's a very irrelevant website and forum with regards to marriage and infidelity mostly, now, sticking to affairytales. In 2016 the entire website was down to something like 150 posts per day, they seem to have rebounded some as they become a much more comfortable home for the foggy waywards and unsuspecting betrayed spouses who just don't know the difference.

Here's some of Lord William's quotes when he posted as Carhill:

Here he describes briefly how it took him a about a year to clear the wayward fog and decide, with the help of one of those great pro-marriage therapists from the school of whatever you do is OK {sarcasm}, that he should dump the OW and his betrayed wife.



Here's another describing how his supposed "pro-marriage" counselor twisted his brain around accepting he should dump his "unhealthy" marriage. I'm personally fine with a betrayed spouse dumping a cheater but I was flabbergasted to read the yet foggy wayward dork William/Carhill act like it was his healthy decision to abandon his betrayed wife. A long time ago, I was either warned or banned for pointing this out to him.



Some more backstory, Carhill was actually the other man in someone else's marriage in his 20's. It wasn't some little stupid youthful fling that 20 year olds are prone to undertake. It appeared/appears it was an 8 year on and off again affair with a married woman based upon his age now and his reference to it occurring in the 1990's, I'm guessing this married woman is the person that actually took his virginity at age 35.



I could go all day with this guy. He's got 42,000 deranged posts over there. Here's one that discloses that his affair, that resulted in his eventually enlightenment and divorce, was really an "open" (non-deceptive) relationship which actually makes him more of a swinger than a cheater. So it turns out the marriage and infidelity section of loveshack is run by a moderator that has little regard for two of the primary foundations of the marital relationship ~ monogamy and commitment. He also believes it makes him different {and better} than "regular" waywards as in a line of delineation between the two.



Conversely, here it's kind of revealed his affair was actually deceptive and not really swinging. Since he wasn't getting sex at home he apparently found an "affair partner" (wonder why he put it in quotes?) willing to give him just sex if his wife wouldn't. I'll translate wayward speak further below:



UBT - Carhill thinks he's better than a regular cheater and was fair to his now ex-wife because he found an 'affair partner' and made his wife meet said 'affair partner' at his insistence she he could tell his wife - "If you won't have sex with me ~ this woman will". I really can't understand why his wife didn't just jump into bed with him and start meeting his need for sex when he made it so unambiguous, if not, downright romantic. Plus, if this OW wasn't a prostitute how on earth did he even get her to agree to such a meeting to deliver such message if he hadn't already been having sex and/or an intimate relationship with her? What kind of OW is so desperate to have sex with a married man that she'll meet with the guy's wife first to find out if the wife wants to screw him and if not, she'll take the job? Obviously a blatant history re-write.


How does a person go from a virgin at age 35 to a married man bringing home prostitutes to coerce his wife to either sleep with him or else?

How does such man then think he's got 42,000 posts worth of wisdom to share about interpersonal relationships when he's been a complete failure at them, and, really at being a human?

How does such man manage and exercise discernment as a moderator the interpersonal relationships and posting content of thousands of others when he has absolutely no shame and thinks his behavior was actually healthy?
Quality I suspect one day when I am no longer on this site you are going to be posting a back story on me and a count of all my posts with some highlights I have made on here that you hate. Do you have a folder of posters you are annoyed by with all their highlights? It's kinda odd.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-07-2017 at 12:08 AM.
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post #48 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 07:02 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
I think a lot of those 'waywards' post about how 'remorseful' they are and how 'dedicated and loyal they are' because their BS is a member there and they know their posts are going to be read by their BS. Gimme a break.
Yeah, I agree. The truly remorseful ones are mostly just lost. It's obvious that they have some serious emotional problem as well as problem with boundaries. It's a mess but it is good for understanding what you are dealing with. It's instructive. LS is a different animal. I can't even read there it's too much for me. But one really gets the mindset of most cheaters especially when they are in the middle of their affair. Some of those people are just monsters. That's why I have such a hard time believing someone can go from that mindset back to a loving spouse. The two mindsets just don't go together in the same person, it is way more likely that they are just saying the words they know their BS want to hear. The lack of shame is astounding.

By the way they finally put an end to one of the more obvious fake posts. No one is that psychopathic and going on sites and posting about it.
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post #49 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:30 PM
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Re: Other forums....

I've never noticed my posts edited there, but maybe they have been; I have been tagged and had to wait til my posts were approved. My favorite forums are TAM and marriageadvocates (formed by people banned from marriagebuilders). Both are fairly lax and offer great advice. I try not to get too involved in the others.
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post #50 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 12:52 PM
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Re: Other forums....

Quote:
Originally Posted by threelittlestars View Post
They deleted an entire paragraph that was gentile, but left the harsher paragraph, not attack, just harsh observation. I think they modified two sentences, but since i did not make a hard copy of the original I am not 100% sure. I just know my original first paragraph was deleted. So it kinda deleted my first statements...which is strange.
Censorship! WTF is the point of a forum if you are going to censor your members??

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #51 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 01:03 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Censorship! WTF is the point of a forum if you are going to censor your members??
To reaffirm each others codependency in SI's case. To make excuses for infidelity in LS case.
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post #52 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 12:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Other forums....

I was banned by SI 2 years ago next week. I confess I read and lurk there more than anywhere. I follow certain peoples posts waiting for updates. Some people just disappear. Like Taksubo She was nearly on deaths door and with a new born....sadly I have never seen her come back.

i am addicted to reading at SI, (daily for 2 and a half years) I know...its not healthy. i come here to post. I like the overall format and rules here. And I dont fear the ban hammer here. I figure here, if i get banned I likely deserve it.

One thing that irked me about SI is that you cant just have a bad day. You cant be triggered by other posters, you cant really be human. Here I have triggered a few times. I have gotten down right angry.

I always get a bit peevy when i see the front page of SI. Come in, your safe here.... Not safe enough to trigger. What they have is a deep lack of acceptance of all the **** you can go through as you try to survive the atomic bomb that is infidelity.

Anyway, I did not mean to come here an Bash SI. LS seems to be way way way worse.
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post #53 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 07:28 PM
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Re: Other forums....

SI's entire reason to exist was to allow the owner, who took a passive no-consequences approach, to rationalize his living hell by pushing it in others.

Sharpshooter was over there for awhile and he single handedly helped more people than anyone (besides maybe bigger). Yet sharpshooter is exactly that, looks for actions over words and decisive action in order to preserve sanity.

Those are all dirty words there

----
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post #54 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 08:38 PM
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Re: Other forums....

Read there but never joined.

SI is like watching Walking Dead but more painful and less entertaining.

LS is sometimes ok and sometimes not but TAM is my internet home.
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post #55 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:39 PM
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Re: Other forums....

I was banned from SI 4 or 5 years ago for pointing a WH to a thread on MarriageAdvocates about a WH in a very similar situation to his own, but further along.

I've been put on notice and once was banned for a couple years on Loveshack for various reasons - mostly for calling BS on some proud OW.

I was banned from marriagebuilders for quoting Frank Pittman. No jive. I'd been an active member there for more than 8 years by then. But their forum was in the midst of a massive transition from a discussion forum to the "guidance" forum it's become in the last several years. At least they're being somewhat honest - they no longer encourage discussion.

I really like Chumplady's site. I thought I recognized some old "friends" from MB there a year or two ago, and signed on to the forum to say hello. I was quickly misunderstood by a couple of posters, and between the first post and the next day when I logged back in, I was painted as some sort of troll. It took several more pages of back and forth to convince their "veterans" that I was legit. But by then I lost interest in trying to offer any help - after all, I didn't leave the cheater in my sitch. The time to have done that would have been over 10 or 15 years ago.

Interestingly, the company I work for started blocking certain websites from access via our desktop computers. This even happened with my wife's education-related website. So I called the IT folks and asked what's up? They said that the names of many sites raise flags and they're automatically blocked. They said I could request that my wife's site, or any other site I might want to access, be reviewed for potentially inappropriate content. So I asked them to look at my wife's site. And they lifted the block (I'm the webmaster, and sometimes need to access it from work). But other sites that I used to go to often started being blocked. Loveshack is pretty obvious, and was the first I noticed. I haven't been on TAM a lot until recently, and I noticed that TAM is blocked. Marriagebuilders isn't, nor is marriageadvocates (I don't think, anyway). Odd.

It does help me detach from posting too much, though, which is probably a good thing.

-10th Engineer Harrison.


"“Your brunette,” was how Gleed had described her. What had given him that idea? Had she made some remark that he’d construed as complimentary because it had contained no reference to outsize ears?" - "And Then There Were None", Eric Frank Russell, 1951.
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post #56 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:43 PM
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Re: Other forums....

A few years ago, we heard a lot about banned members from DivorceBusting. And occasionally I would go there to see what it was about. Pretty similar to other Reconciliation Industrial Complex fora, actually. I remember being pointed to a thread about a guy who's FWW was bipolar or something, and depressed. He loved her, but was playing the 180 and other detachment games with her because everybody told him that's what she needed to fully recommit to the marriage. One day he went out with friends when she wanted him to stay home with her. She committed suicide while he was out.

"“Your brunette,” was how Gleed had described her. What had given him that idea? Had she made some remark that he’d construed as complimentary because it had contained no reference to outsize ears?" - "And Then There Were None", Eric Frank Russell, 1951.
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post #57 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:15 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Other forums....

Quote:
Originally Posted by 10th Engineer Harrison View Post
A few years ago, we heard a lot about banned members from DivorceBusting. And occasionally I would go there to see what it was about. Pretty similar to other Reconciliation Industrial Complex fora, actually. I remember being pointed to a thread about a guy who's FWW was bipolar or something, and depressed. He loved her, but was playing the 180 and other detachment games with her because everybody told him that's what she needed to fully recommit to the marriage. One day he went out with friends when she wanted him to stay home with her. She committed suicide while he was out.

That is absolutely terrible. Awful story man!!

I recall a couple on SI a while back where the divorce was going through and the WH came home and killed himself in the spare room he was living in. He had a teenage son i believe and the BS had to come home and see all that in the room.... UGH. nightmare.
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post #58 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Quality I suspect one day when I am no longer on this site you are going to be posting a back story on me and a count of all my posts with some highlights I have made on here that you hate. Do you have a folder of posters you are annoyed by with all their highlights? It's kinda odd.
It's actually kind of "creepy" ... I have an interest in helping other BH's from my own life experiences and I've enjoyed getting to know a few posters in a superficial cyber-friend way, but Quality takes infidelity fora cyber-stalking to a new level of "creepyness". He's tried to bring up his own "facts" about my history before, which were mostly just bad guesses, but he still persists with his fascination about "others" ... facts be damned, unless they fit within his polyanna agenda.
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post #59 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:18 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by MyRevelation View Post
It's actually kind of "creepy" ... I have an interest in helping other BH's from my own life experiences and I've enjoyed getting to know a few posters in a superficial cyber-friend way, but Quality takes infidelity fora cyber-stalking to a new level of "creepyness". He's tried to bring up his own "facts" about my history before, which were mostly just bad guesses, but he still persists with his fascination about "others" ... facts be damned, unless they fit within his polyanna agenda.
I noticed he "liked" your post.

I'm probably on that list too. He likes to "call me out" periodically on here and on LS in years past. Mostly I don't give a flying dogshyte anymore.

-10th Engineer Harrison.

"“Your brunette,” was how Gleed had described her. What had given him that idea? Had she made some remark that he’d construed as complimentary because it had contained no reference to outsize ears?" - "And Then There Were None", Eric Frank Russell, 1951.
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post #60 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:31 AM
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Re: Other forums....

I agree with the previous criticisms of SI. One thing I do find useful is if you read the wayward section or the madhatter thread it does give you a glimpse into the mind of thw wayward. It is not pretty but it is illuminating. I have to be honest even the "remorseful" waywards at SI don't strike me as getting it as much as just getting together to make eachother feel better. A few years back there was a wayward there who slept with his sister in law and another who slept wiht her brother in law , these folks doesn't need a safespace but to be shunned. You have to be a real POS to sleep with an inlaw.

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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