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post #61 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:36 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by eric1 View Post
SI's entire reason to exist was to allow the owner, who took a passive no-consequences approach, to rationalize his living hell by pushing it in others.

Sharpshooter was over there for awhile and he single handedly helped more people than anyone (besides maybe bigger). Yet sharpshooter is exactly that, looks for actions over words and decisive action in order to preserve sanity.

Those are all dirty words there
SI is not such a "safe and welcoming" place for those who encourage the BS to take action. There also seems to be a general disapproval of BHs who strike back in some way - they will be attacked by other BSs and evn a WS if they post in another forum outside of JFO. I tink TAM is a superior site.


“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #62 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:23 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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SI is not such a "safe and welcoming" place for those who encourage the BS to take action. There also seems to be a general disapproval of BHs who strike back in some way - they will be attacked by other BSs and evn a WS if they post in another forum outside of JFO. I tink TAM is a superior site.
Wait - there are BHs on SI who actually have possession of their own testicles?

I've seen maybe one or two guys who don't suffer fools and will tell it like it is, but for the most part, it's whiny, sniffly panty-waists who are afraid of their own shadows and constantly post about how they cried all day at work and then came home and cried all night. And those cringe-worthy posts always attract a circle-the-wagons response with woman after woman patting him on the back and crying with him and telling him to breathe and drink water and blah blah blah.

I think SI must require BH's to hand over their man cards at the door, but then again, I suspect most had already surrendered theirs long before they got to SI.
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post #63 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Wait - there are BHs on SI who actually have possession of their own testicles?

I've seen maybe one or two guys who don't suffer fools and will tell it like it is, but for the most part, it's whiny, sniffly panty-waists who are afraid of their own shadows and constantly post about how they cried all day at work and then came home and cried all night. And those cringe-worthy posts always attract a circle-the-wagons response with woman after woman patting him on the back and crying with him and telling him to breathe and drink water and blah blah blah.

I think SI must require BH's to hand over their man cards at the door, but then again, I suspect most had already surrendered theirs long before they got to SI.

Reading posts like that at SI are depressing. The BHs who haunt that site seem to be looking to validate their decision to stay with their WW and they want to drag any other man they can into the same boat. It seems that way to me. Whe those BHs post I find myself thinking who are you trying to convince that your R is working us or yourself. But my view is this - once the BS has ALL the pertinent information and decides to stay then whatever happens to them after that is on them. Unhappy? Unsatisfied? Well that is on you now. WW/WH cheats agin or stretches the boundaries? Well you decided to stay. There comes a time when the Bs has to take their life into their own hands and do whatever they need to dod to be happy again.

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #64 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Other forums....

Its like the ageless statement. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Infidelity and abuse can be applied to this. After you have found out about the abuse of infidelity you either do what you can to not consent to being treated that way or you do. If he lies, and (we the people) told you he was lying, or warn that this is not true Reconciliation etc, and you still chose to stay and have problems after problems you got to start taking responisbility at that point that YOU THE BS are now just allowing it. You consent to the abuse.... For many reasons.

I for one, am like that person who stayed (stays).

I dont want to thread jack my own post here, so i will just say this. A BS needs to do their OWN DIGGING into why they stay, if they can stay in a healthy way or not. There is no shame in staying unless you shed the victim role. Initially you are a victim of the WH spouse, but then you victimize yourself by staying time after time accepting lies after lies, D-day after d day. Why? Codependence? okay work on that. Fear? Okay, face fears! Money? Get a plan, job, family support etc.

BS, i think NEED to face fears at sometime in the recovery process. Otherwise the insecurity and problems are still there.

There is more rugsweeping than just the affair. BS rug sweep their own problems all the time here there, EVERYWHERE!
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post #65 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Its like the ageless statement. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Infidelity and abuse can be applied to this. After you have found out about the abuse of infidelity you either do what you can to not consent to being treated that way or you do. If he lies, and (we the people) told you he was lying, or warn that this is not true Reconciliation etc, and you still chose to stay and have problems after problems you got to start taking responisbility at that point that YOU THE BS are now just allowing it. You consent to the abuse.... For many reasons.

I for one, am like that person who stayed (stays).

I dont want to thread jack my own post here, so i will just say this. A BS needs to do their OWN DIGGING into why they stay, if they can stay in a healthy way or not. There is no shame in staying unless you shed the victim role. Initially you are a victim of the WH spouse, but then you victimize yourself by staying time after time accepting lies after lies, D-day after d day. Why? Codependence? okay work on that. Fear? Okay, face fears! Money? Get a plan, job, family support etc.

BS, i think NEED to face fears at sometime in the recovery process. Otherwise the insecurity and problems are still there.

There is more rugsweeping than just the affair. BS rug sweep their own problems all the time here there, EVERYWHERE!
Great post. I also think a lot of BSs stay becuase they fear their WS taking off wiht the OM/OW or someone else..their self esteem is shot and they seem to have little self-worth. There is one case I can think of right now where I think the BS stays because they are afraid in part that their WS will take up with their AP if single and free. Not a reason to stay.

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #66 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Other forums....

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Great post. I also think a lot of BSs stay becuase they fear their WS taking off wiht the OM/OW or someone else..their self esteem is shot and they seem to have little self-worth. There is one case I can think of right now where I think the BS stays because they are afraid in part that their WS will take up with their AP if single and free. Not a reason to stay.
Thats ego. She doesn't want him, and just does not want the other woman to win.

Why do i stay? I have come to a few conclusions, i think of percentages. Like....10% or 20% fear. it fluctuates. 50% Respect, for past acts of profound love on his part. The other 20-30%, guilt/msc need for support.

I doubt many stay for a singular reason. But its so so so important for the BS to not chalk it up to just "I love him" thats actually not a reason to stay.

i LOVE my husband. I just also really dont like him most times. Love is not enough.
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post #67 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:07 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Thats ego. She doesn't want him, and just does not want the other woman to win.

Why do i stay? I have come to a few conclusions, i think of percentages. Like....10% or 20% fear. it fluctuates. 50% Respect, for past acts of profound love on his part. The other 20-30%, guilt/msc need for support.

I doubt many stay for a singular reason. But its so so so important for the BS to not chalk it up to just "I love him" thats actually not a reason to stay.

i LOVE my husband. I just also really dont like him most times. Love is not enough.
Agreed I think every Bs has their own reasons for staying but I also think the affair and its aftermath hits them harder than the WS. What annoys me about SI is when I read the whining wayward section - they sometimes write as if they had nothing at all to do with their misery. My BH/BW is mean to me agter my affair ..boo hoo...what is worse is when other BSs chime in and encourage that bullsh!t...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #68 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 04:43 PM
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So I rarely if EVER post at Loveshack, LS...but today i felt i needed to. There was a woman over there, A BS and she was practically holding her husbands hand through his affair, bending over backwards nice'ing him back thinking he would wake up at some point. I felt compelled to post... when i did i noticed it did not post right away and moderation was needed before approval. So i wait about an hour and find when it was posted there was heavy editing. I was not mean or harsh in those parts that were deleted! I was actually a little harsh in another part that was allowed to post. Anyway, Im not mad, but i am confused....to heavily edit peoples advice and opinions I feel is a disservice to the OP.

what do you all think? do any of you post at LS?
Ahhh yes, LS...the kingdom of the terribly self-important Lord William, who takes his 'moderation duties' WAY too seriously. I always pictured this little gnome-like creature stomping his foot and spinning around in circles in a mad frenzy during one of his hissy fits before posting one of his snooze-worthy 'warnings' to the masses who DARED to be mean or go off topic. He's got an itchy trigger finger and loves to ban anyone who even sneezes wrong. My, my - such a powerful little man.

I don't even bother with that pitiful dog and pony show he's got running over there. And your post tells me I made a good decision because obviously, nothing's changed.
I've had my run-ins with William at LS myself. You paint a vividly accurate picture of him.

There came a time where I was about to donate some cash to LS. (Not a lot, not every little bit helps, right?) Right before I was about to reach for my wallet, he pulled some major **** on one of my posts.

I put my wallet right back in my pocket. I almost posted that directly to him, but decided against it. He would have just deleted it anyway.

And not giving them money is far more powerful than anything I could have said.
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post #69 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:35 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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I think they remorseful waywards on SI are some of the most helpful people on this planet. The way they take unremorsefuls to task in a way you just can't argue with! I was one. There were just no excuses. The stop sign to keep BS out of there so former waywards can do their job is necessary.
That forum for the most part is a cesspool. There are many waywards who post there even ones who are in R who do not seem remorseful.

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #70 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:46 PM
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Re: Other forums....

I got banned from SI. I have ppsted on LS, but that site is full of WS and enablers. Both are crap.

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post #71 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 11:41 AM
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Other forums....

I used to lurk on SI a couple of years ago but I had to leave because it drove me nuts, lol. Some of the posters had been there for years but were still posting as if they just found out. There's a point where you need to get your stuff together, be strong and move on. Maybe I don't understand because I haven't experienced infidelity personally.

I just recently went back and noticed all the signatures with members personal infidelity "stats" are gone now. When did that happen?
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post #72 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 09:43 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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I used to lurk on SI a couple of years ago but I had to leave because it drove me nuts, lol. Some of the posters had been there for years but were still posting as if they just found out. There's a point where you need to get your stuff together, be strong and move on. Maybe I don't understand because I haven't experienced infidelity personally.

I just recently went back and noticed all the signatures with members personal infidelity "stats" are gone now. When did that happen?
Ever read some of the waywards comments? The ones who post frequently..what a cesspool...there is a woman there who had 2 affairs and said if her H was ever unfaithful that would be the end of the marriage - then goes on abot how great her marriage is after her 2 affairs..makes you want to barf...the one good thing is it does give you a glimpse into the selfish mind of cheaters..

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #73 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 09:45 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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I got banned from SI. I have ppsted on LS, but that site is full of WS and enablers. Both are crap.

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SI does turn into a cheering section for cheaters..when they do simple things like not being a sh!tty person they get cheers? WTF??? One was even lamenting how she doesnt get praised after dday - for all the changes she has made..I'm sure her Bs has other things on his mind...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #74 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 12:20 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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I used to lurk on SI a couple of years ago but I had to leave because it drove me nuts, lol. Some of the posters had been there for years but were still posting as if they just found out.
That's another thing I just don't get!

There are several long-time posters with a litany of crap their cheating dirt-bags pulled on them - over the course of years - all listed in their signatures. One poster's husband is a complete serial cheater and for years has screwed around with virtually anything with a heartbeat, he has TWO kids he had outside the marriage with two different OWs, and he had an affair with her own SISTER for 10+ years! And she's STILL with this POS loser, doling out advice to the newly betrayed. ROFL - yeah, that's someone I want to emulate.

Another poster has the same situation - a POS husband with years of serial cheating under his belt - with both women AND men - and not too long ago the scumbag pulled yet another dirty deed (I can't remember what it was but does it matter at this point?). And here she is ALSO doling out tough love to everyone. I laugh every time I see her telling a newly betrayed to demand this or that from their cheater and to never settle and all this crap when she herself can't even choke up enough self respect to stop clinging to that POS she's still with.

It's extremely hard to take either one of them seriously at ALL.
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post #75 of 222 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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That's another thing I just don't get!

There are several long-time posters with a litany of crap their cheating dirt-bags pulled on them - over the course of years - all listed in their signatures. One poster's husband is a complete serial cheater and for years has screwed around with virtually anything with a heartbeat, he has TWO kids he had outside the marriage with two different OWs, and he had an affair with her own SISTER for 10+ years! And she's STILL with this POS loser, doling out advice to the newly betrayed. ROFL - yeah, that's someone I want to emulate.

Another poster has the same situation - a POS husband with years of serial cheating under his belt - with both women AND men - and not too long ago the scumbag pulled yet another dirty deed (I can't remember what it was but does it matter at this point?). And here she is ALSO doling out tough love to everyone. I laugh every time I see her telling a newly betrayed to demand this or that from their cheater and to never settle and all this crap when she herself can't even choke up enough self respect to stop clinging to that POS she's still with.

It's extremely hard to take either one of them seriously at ALL.
Ever read the wayward section and the things they have done? Serial cheaters, LTAs, all kinds of other issues and then they have the nerve to start "woe is me" threads about how tough their life is, or that their Bs is still not healed years later, or their Bs does not compliment them enough for not being a completely sh!tty person. Sometimes there is the "I am a WS hear me roar" thread about how far along they have come or their attempts to blame shift a bit to their BS. There are a bunch of regulars who cheer each other on, send virtual hugs and all that bullsh!t...it turns into a cheering section with some dutiful Bs clapping as well. I dont get it.

These people do really sh!tty things, wreck numerous lives and then sit there and whine about it. It is astounding to read.

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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