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post #121 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 05:04 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
But how can people who are admittedly skewed, or they wouldn't taking the time to post going to help other people whose perspective is also off.
Does this not apply to people who have been betrayed?

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post #122 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 08:59 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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None of those sites is as bad as MB. It's run by an egocentric, power-crazy Nazi evangelist who absolutely REFUSES any other website to even be discussed - instant banishment - let alone another way of fixing things. Not only do they ban, but they have a background 'crew' who gets together to decide whom to target that month, and they literally chase people from thread to thread to catch them in bannable offenses, and if the person doesn't say the wrong thing, they GOAD that person into doing it. BTDT. I'm part of a proud alumni of banned 'offenders.'

And btw, the SECOND best site available, after TAM, is the site created BY that alumni group, MA.
I was agreeing with you right up until you cited MA as being on any kind of "best" list. MB is definitely the worst, but MA is just a place for dysfunctional people to engage and be advised by the SERIOUSLY dysfunctional. They may not be Nazi's like they are at MB, but NO ONE gets helped at MA because nearly everyone there is so disordered that they mostly exist in this dysfunctional state of LIMBO and then advise others accordingly. There may be something there for women, but there is NOTHING there for a male seeking help.

BTW, I'm also a long term member of the MB "banned camp".
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post #123 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 10:12 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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Does this not apply to people who have been betrayed?
Most WS have deep seated emotional problems, this is pretty self evident if you read the board. I would agree though the idea that every BS that wants to R is also filtered onto one board is also a bad idea. Many of those people are terribly codependent. Filtering a advice board for like minded people seems like a sure fire way to only get a lot reassurance and very little advice.
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post #124 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 01:24 PM
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Re: Other forums....

Had a friend staying with me awhile after he learned his WW was cheating on him. I gave him the very same advice I would people here. I considered him getting a TAM account but with all the hoopla over sock puppets / same IP addresses, I really didn't want to get banned when the other account was not mine.

I recommended LS and I know several who post here and there and was going to give them a heads up on who he was and I was advising and would have liked their 2x4s too. He tried to post 3x and it came back HIGHLY edited to the point, only 20% of his thread was left. He said F'it.

Luckily his story was very predictable and he is in a much better place. Guess more guys from our Hangover Crew should get accounts here LOL. I just found it very sad that I could not recommend him signing up on TAM because of our matching IPs...... I don't feel it would be right for me to get permabanned while trying to bring a friend to this site.

Granted.... I've been here awhile and I would like to think if I approached a mod and explained beforehand, I would not have to worry about that.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #125 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 01:48 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Most WS have deep seated emotional problems, this is pretty self evident if you read the board.
Maybe. I know it's the done thing to say a wayward is "broken" and needs to work to "find out their whys", but it seems to me that some, if not most cheaters are no more disordered than a kid that's just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
Quote:
I would agree though the idea that every BS that wants to R is also filtered onto one board is also a bad idea.
My point, however, was that a BS has also had themselves "skewed", as you said, and a BS might also find their "perspective is a bit off". Perfectly understandable, of course. So, my question was to ask you if you thought that a Betrayed would be a bad advisor to another BS, in the same way, you say that it is for Waywards?
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post #126 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 02:01 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Maybe. I know it's the done thing to say a wayward is "broken" and needs to work to "find out their whys", but it seems to me that some, if not most cheaters are no more disordered than a kid that's just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. My point, however, was that a BS has also had themselves "skewed", as you said, and a BS might also find their "perspective is a bit off". Perfectly understandable, of course. So, my question was to ask you if you thought that a Betrayed would be a bad advisor to another BS, in the same way, you say that it is for Waywards?
I think having a broad range of opinions is the best approach. I am one on here who doesn't believe in R much, but I am happy to see others hear who don't agree with me as I may not be right in all circumstances.
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post #127 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 02:06 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I think having a broad range of opinions is the best approach. I am one on here who doesn't believe in R much, but I am happy to see others hear who don't agree with me as I may not be right in all circumstances.
Agreed a wide variety of perspectives work best IMO....

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #128 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 02:28 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I think having a broad range of opinions is the best approach. I am one on here who doesn't believe in R much, but I am happy to see others hear who don't agree with me as I may not be right in all circumstances.
Yes, I've noticed. You're the type of person who clearly thinks that if a thing is worth saying once it's worth saying four or five times more. TAM has changed since I came here. It was a more thoughtful place and advice was tailor-made for the individual's situations and capability to understand or even absorb what they were being told. It was less a place espouse your "beliefs", as you say, the newly betrayed was the focus of the advice.

TAM is now, undeniably worse than it was as the newly betrayed just get brow-beaten. It was always a hairy place for WS, especially WWs, but we had quite a few reconciling couples those days. The place was richer because of all the different perspectives, you also value. You didn't just have a few voices, who see every problem as a nail because the only tool they possess is a hammer, KWIM?

Some of the change is cultural as the Red Pill influences the gullible, but not all. Sad, really but if I knew a recently betrayed father, I'd think twice before I recommended TAM. Wasn't always this way.
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post #129 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 02:31 PM
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Re: Other forums....

Most people hear better when you whisper than when you shout.
I'm one of them.
I showed up at SI as a WS and there was something I didn't confess to or do that I should have done or something like that. They slowly talked me into it. It was the right WAY to do it. I think I even wrote once how much I missed my AP. The repliers who asked me to put myself in both BS's position are how I finally saw what I was doing and the person I was. Not the hard knocks and insults. That just made me defensive. And if you're dealing with someone who's head isn't on straight in the first place....
I'm guessing that 2X4s and hard stances simply scare people away and they just say screw it and leave a site. But if there is a gentle prodding of sorts, and if the newly posting WS can stick around a while, they usually get it.
I've been reading SI for 7 years. That's what I notice.
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post #130 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 02:46 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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I'm guessing that 2X4s and hard stances simply scare people away and they just say screw it and leave a site. But if there is a gentle prodding of sorts, and if the newly posting WS can stick around a while, they usually get it.
Ha! This place scares away BSs these days.

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post #131 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 06:59 PM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by azteca1986 View Post
Ha! This place scares away BSs these days.
I'm a regular poster there and I've definitely noticed that lately. There's a definite herd mentality and people pile on like crazy. I'm speaking of the General forum.

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post #132 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-10-2017, 01:31 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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Originally Posted by Truthseeker1 View Post
@threelittlestars SI has an itchy trigger finger when it comes to banning it seems...its hard to know what will set a moderator off but I think the tone comes from the founders - a WW(now deceased) and her husband...i wonder if SI has cheaters as moderators when then moderate BSs - that would be unfortunate..

@sokillme it does seem to be a sad place doesnt it? It is awful to see so many BSs in so much pain. What makes my blood boil is when the WSs whine about how tough their life is, like a month or two from dday and they want to know when its over or debating when they can put the f in front of WW or WH...self-centered bullsh!t...

I would venture that half of the waywards who post at SI are BPD or flat out insane.

Last edited by bandit.45; 05-10-2017 at 01:35 AM.
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post #133 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-10-2017, 02:01 AM
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Re: Other forums....

Over at SI....

What is foreverlabeled complaining about in General? Did her BH finally wise up and leave her sorry butt?
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post #134 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-10-2017, 03:04 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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I would venture that half of the waywards who post at SI are BPD or flat out insane.
They seem to enjoy making themselves out to be the victims of a situation they created..you were right previously about that site it is eye opening to read...when allowed to go unchallenged their self-centered worldview shines through...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #135 of 222 (permalink) Old 05-10-2017, 09:45 AM
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Re: Other forums....

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They seem to enjoy making themselves out to be the victims of a situation they created..you were right previously about that site it is eye opening to read...when allowed to go unchallenged their self-centered worldview shines through...
I don't know why I wander over there. It's like watching a soap opera... you know you shouldn't be taking interest in other peoples misery, but you can't help yourself but to go back and see how things are shaking out.

Schadenfreude....
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