The fun never ends for me. I wanted to go fishing yesterday. My wife got all upset and told me not to go. She was worried about me going out alone. My wife is not psychic. I am very so THIS. The thing is, she reads me. Forty seven years of looking at me, my aura or whatever she knew something was off. Plus, I told her a month ago that this is a very dangerous time for me. Things in my Chart spelled trouble, thrice tripled. She hates Astrology and anything esoteric. She is an Earthly soul and does not want any more worries than she herself can conjure up. And that she does with magnificence. Everything sets her aflutter.
Yesterday, I went fishing in a small aluminum boat on one of Ohio's larger and natural lakes. It was a very windy day and the temperature was about mid 50's F.
I backed my truck down the boat ramp and put the boat in the water. I loaded my fishing gear, bait, water and snacks in the boat.
I got my life preserver out from behind the seat and chucked it into the boat. I tied the boat off and drove my truck off and parked it.
I wore an Army Gold wind breaker and a sweatshirt underneath, blue jeans and a gold Wyoming ball cap. I looked the part of a seasoned fisherman.
Looks can be deceiving.
From the dock, I stepped into the boat and sat in the rear seat. I put on my life preserver and cussed a loud one. It was the extra large one that I bought for my 300 lb. friend who occasionally went fishing with me on my larger Lake Erie boat....a 21ft. Boston Whaler. Oh well, at least the damn thing will keep me warm.
I untied the boat and started the motor. Off the old fool went.
All went well for the first hour. I drift fished, using a spinner rig, with a slip sinker and a fat night crawler as bait. I caught two nice walleyes.
Whenever I sit too long my ass goes to sleep. I stood up to get some circulation in my butt and all hell let loose. My legs spasmed on me jerking me forward. I lost my balance; the wind and the waves and my jerking body flipped me.....out of the boat.
To make things worse, my right leg was wrapped around the anchor rope. I was laying in the water on my back with one leg in the boat and one outside the boat. My knee was bent at ninety degrees.
I started laughing at my stupidity. The first thing I was worried about was my concealed carry pistol in my waist band and then my wallet. It never occurred to me to be afraid of dying. The wallet and gun were safe, pasted tight to my form.
I tried to kick free of the rope around my ankle. Whenever I did this my head went under water. The only thing keeping me from drowning was the "oversize" life preserver that I previously had cursed. Thank GOD for that. Wait a minute...nothing is what it seems. My friends on the other side are pulling for me.....so I hoped.
While hanging there with one leg in the boat and me hanging outside, I remembered something that I read years ago, by Alan Leo, I believe. Those who had Mars in Capricorn were protected from drowning. Something about the Capricorn Goat with a fishes tail. I hoped this was true. I am ever hopeful and I am a fool.
Still kicking, something else came to mind...and I actually chuckled a nervous snort. I remembered the Tarot Card of the Hanged Man.
Here I am, hanging by one leg, the other leg bent ninety degrees to the draped over the gunwale of the boat. This card tells of spiritual attainment and complete surrender. @Emerging Buddhist
keeps pushing me in this direction. I resist him tooth and nail. I had no yellow halo, but I did have on a golden wind breaker. The irony never escapes my watchful eyes. Ever looking for signs, I be.
Folks, you cannot make this **** up. This is no fairly tale. I have not been drinking and smoked no dope.
I eventually got free. I pulled myself to the side of the boat and pulled my body with my arms toward the bow. That forced my foot free of the coiled rope and I lost my sock and my shoe in the boat.
I am soaking wet and now very cold. I cannot pull myself in the boat from the side because the boat will tip over. If I were younger I could go to the bow and flip my legs into the boat one at a time. I am not young. I look fifty....but am seventy years old.
I pulled myself around to the stern and climbed up the outboard motor and pulled myself into the boat via the gunwales.
I sat down laughing and breathing NOT HARD. I am still in shape! My body, not my brain. I felt my leg burning. Oh, ****. it was my expensive I-Phone shorting out and surely trashed.
Oh God, my wife wanted me to text her every hour. My old Grandma wife was at work, at the hospital. And now no text meant panic. She might call the police, telling them to look for me. Well, it had only been an hour since I texted her. She would have to wait until I got ashore and borrowed someone else's phone.
By now with me being soaked and the wind blowing I was freezing my butt off. Fifteen minutes later I got to shore, got my truck and loaded it on the small trailer. I reloaded all my gear and stuff in the bed of the truck. My lunch was soaking wet and I was hungry.
Oh yeah, call the wife. I approached another old fisherman and told him what happened and could I borrow his phone. He wisely sized me up and lent me his old flip jobber. I laughingly told him my wife will probably not answer, because it will be a number she does not recognize. So true to character she is. I called a second time and she sheepishly asked who is this. I said me. I told her my phone got wet and I borrowed someone else's. She said "who is me?" Who is this. I told her it was SunCMars [my real name not revealed here]. Uh, huh, she panicked. It took me five minutes to calm her down. I told her that everything is fine and that I am heading home. I did not tell her I fell out of the boat. I only told her I dropped my phone in the water.
As God is my witness, I live another day. With the same ****eating grin on my foolish face.