southern wife

This thread is meant for humor only!


A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'

As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up' says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up' the bartender says.


As he gives her the drink he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity.
Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor... Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

southern wife

'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes And you're barefoot!

southern wife

'OLD' IS WHEN... A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy ...And your pacemaker opens the garage door!

Gratitude

Old is when you find yourself saying 'back in my day.....'

__________________
Bears play fighting at the Romanian bear sanctuary
© WSPA

In_The_Wind

'OLD' IS WHEN

'Getting lucky' means you find your car
in the parking lot.


'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
to use the bathroom

southern wife

OLD is when you post the SAME thing..................TWICE!

In_The_Wind

OLD is When still trying to wake up

southern wife

Halien

At 47 now, OLD IS WHEN buying eyeglasses means you spend far more money on the lenses than your designer frames. I used a grease pencil to mark the lenses to get used to where I had to look to see a book, or my computer screen, or the screaming pedestrians who are trying to get out of the path of my pickup truck.

endlessgrief

OLD is when you need to increase the font size to gargantuan on your Kindle.

OLD is when you have to change your pants after laughing, sneezing, and coughing.

__________________
The snake is notoriously tempting
But the snake is fair.
What is worse than not knowing?
To live or disappear?

southern wife

That made me laugh out loud!!!


I had lasik back in 2006! One of the best things I've ever done for myself. Went from blind as a bat (wearing contacts or glasses) to eagle eyes!!! My eyesight has been 20/15 ever since! And I'm not far behind you in age.

Nsweet

'OLD' is when you'll all be saying....

I remember those days before I was laid off when gas was less than $3 a gallon, Immigrants tried to stay in America, and wedding planners couldn't marry each other.

that_girl

I don't have a catchy line but I had an "old" moment the other day.

When I was a kid, I used to call my mom's face stuff--- Oil of Old Lady (Oil of Olay). Well, guess what I use on my face now?

FML.

__________________

endlessgrief

I think Oil of Olay may have been the only moisturizer for women back in the day. I love love love the way it smells! If I smell Oil of Olay, I am taken back in time, sitting on the school bus, me putting Oil of Olay on my hands, and my friend Dawn picking her nose and eating it right in front of me.

__________________
The snake is notoriously tempting
But the snake is fair.
What is worse than not knowing?
To live or disappear?

Halien

Thanks to the being old thing, I'm not only near-sighted, but far-sighted too. My boss had the process done where one eye was corrected different than the other to accomodate this, but my wife has always been very vocal about preferring me to wear certain styles of eyeglass frames. Maybe I don't look so dumb with them on, I guess. Thanks to the UV filtering in many auto windows, the ones that change tint do not work in cars, so I have to buy another stupid pair to drive.