Please Do! (dripping with sarcasm) - When she responds to my complaint and invites me to explain why her action or word bothered me (i.e. "Please Do!"), I feel like I have suddenly fallen into that pit that Jabba the Hut threw Luke Skywalker in, but there is no handy droid around to toss me a light saber.
My wife has an incredible vocabulary with body language, though. My kids and I secretly have names for them. I taught them these for their own safety. The "Cheerios Lips" is similar to the Jabba the Hut pit scenario, but its so dark that you can't see the monster.
The "Fist of death" is somewhat playful, but is really saying that one more smart-alek comment will result in broken bones.
The "Eating Lemons" expression means she is slowly counting down from ten. Interrupt her before she gets to one and you're screwed!!
Of course I am joking. I really love my wife, and everything about her is just so fascinating, but we do jokingly name her expressions.
This sort of thing used to fascinate me until I realized it would never change or improve or lead to anything. I'm practically a mind reader when it comes to my wife's moods and thoughts. But so what, they're all as black as outer space. It's all ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.
Please Do! (dripping with sarcasm) - When she responds to my complaint and invites me to explain why her action or word bothered me (i.e. "Please Do!"), I feel like I have suddenly fallen into that pit that Jabba the Hut threw Luke Skywalker in, but there is no handy droid around to toss me a light saber.
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake..
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
8. Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying BUZZ OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(9) Don't worry about it, I'll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
I'll admit I'm not great with time. I tell hubs Dr Who came by and I got caught up being in another dimension. This type of reasoning only plays out well at select moments. I know how much punctuality means to him, so it's actually rare that I'm late. I also know if he asks how long I'll be, even if I think it's going to be 5mins, I'll tell him 15 ...to allow for those Dr Who moments. But the joke isn't lost on me about the game.
I don't recall doing the fine/nothing/sighs.
but "Do what you want" or "whatever" is when I'm just done and haven't got the energy to bother anymore. There's no angry result afterwards, it's that I really have just decided it's not worth anymore energy. I have been working on this though, to tell him when I'm getting to that point and trying to converse more effectively so it doesn't go there.
He also thinks he can tell when I'm trying not to laugh. He says he sees it ..sometimes he's right. When I'm annoyed though and he's being jovial, he will sometimes (incorrectly) say that he can tell I want to laugh because he sees it building in a certain place in my cheeks.
I tell him I'm not about to laugh and I'm not joking around, but he's convinced he knows exactly when my giggles will begin. So he continues to say "I can see it in your cheeks! Look! There!" And while it makes me more annoyed, I also know how it's going to end up and I resist like heck to succumb to his jovial mood when I'm being serious. Without fail, every time I end up laughing. grrrr..!!!!
Please Do! (dripping with sarcasm) - When she responds to my complaint and invites me to explain why her action or word bothered me (i.e. "Please Do!"), I feel like I have suddenly fallen into that pit that Jabba the Hut threw Luke Skywalker in, but there is no handy droid around to toss me a light saber.
Okay. Now I'm wondering if you know my wife, because she tends to fill in the memory gaps, just for effect. Like the time that I told her that the tongue lashing I received for putting my coffee cup on the new cherry end table reminded me of being in one of the seven levels of hell. She reminded me of exactly what the name of that level of hell would be called, according to Dante, if I put that coffee cup there again without a coaster.
Okay. Now I'm wondering if you know my wife, because she tends to fill in the memory gaps, just for effect. Like the time that I told her that the tongue lashing I received for putting my coffee cup on the new cherry end table reminded me of being in one of the seven levels of hell. She reminded me of exactly what the name of that level of hell would be called, according to Dante, if I put that coffee cup there again without a coaster.
and there was me thinking there were nine circles of hell
and there was me thinking there were nine circles of hell
Oops, my bad. But really, you are sounding more and more like my wife....
In my childhood, the spiritual belief of our native american community holds the number seven as sacred, with seven levels of spiritual attainment, and material progression. I always make this assumption with Dante.
you're sounding more and more like my stbxh - when I was right and he was wrong (often) he would attempt to justify why he thought his wrongness was right
you're sounding more and more like my stbxh - when I was right and he was wrong (often) he would attempt to justify why he thought his wrongness was right
Yeah, we'll go to insane lengths to try to prove we are right, sometimes. It hit me suddenly, at about the fifteen year mark that I don't always have to be right, when it comes to my wife. To us, it became more like one of our most enjoyed comic exchanges, like role playing.
My wife swears that GPS devices are created and programmed by men. Far too often, they try to go the wrong way, and the entire time she is going the correct way, it is telling her to turn around and go its way. One we upgraded to the model that lets you block off certain ways to get somewhere, she finally reconciled and made peace with her GPS.
This sort of thing used to fascinate me until I realized it would never change or improve or lead to anything. I'm practically a mind reader when it comes to my wife's moods and thoughts. But so what, they're all as black as outer space. It's all ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.
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Re: Words Women Use..... 
love the Jabba the Hut reference!
