Job Application Answers

shy_guy · 04-22-2012, 02:25 AM

Several jobs ago, I actually ran my own business ... I was in the process of learning how much I don't like being a manager, or being disconnected from the technical parts that I really love ...

During this time, I didn't spend any effort developing my own job application for the unskilled labor positions. I used a standard job application like you can buy from any office supply store. Through those few years, I got some of the funniest answers to job application questions! I still remember a few.

I remember one fellow writing on the "other considerations" block "Will work knights." I promise you, for the rest of the time I had that place open, we referred to that guy as "Lancelot."

But the funniest one to me ... the one that still makes me chuckle when I think of it:

In the "Marital status" block, one fellow actually wrote, "Good."

I guess that means he's married.

Now seriously, I'm always happy to hear someone is happily married - I really am. But that answer so completely misunderstood the question that I can't help but laugh even while being happy that he thinks that.

Gratitude · 04-22-2012, 02:46 AM

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida:

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries

Dollystanford · 04-22-2012, 08:42 AM

cherokee96red · 04-22-2012, 08:50 AM

We had our own trucking biz for nearly a decade. I had to read my share of applications over those years, drivers for our trucks.
Plenty had spelling mistakes, just plain bizzaro answers to certain questions but one app has remained the stand out from the whole batch. That one app had just one line completed: applicant's name! The rest of the app was blank. He even spent the money on a stamp to mail it in!

Halien · 04-22-2012, 09:11 AM

We use a very extensive interview process, which takes a week of training to be allowed to do interviews. I've been a part of two facility startups, so I've literally done hundreds of interviews. I volunteer now for open positions just because I like to get to know potential new people.

Some of the funniest:

An older man and I interviewed a woman who listed her previous occupation as bartender. However, I noticed that she wasn't old enough at the time. She admitted to really being a table dancer. The old guy was incredibly intrigued, and wouldn't stop questioning her. She finally offered to show us a table dance routine. I ended the interview promptly.

I interviewed one guy who boasted that he would have my job within three months, and the facility manager's job within a year.

Interviewed a contract employee for a full time position. She had joked that she would sleep with me if I could get her on first shift. HR said that this was only rumor, so they scolded me for trying to back out of the interview. Every time the HR manager lowered her head to write her responses, the woman leaned over, pushing her breasts up, revealing way too much. I finally faked an emergency phone call and got a chance to tell the HR manager what was happening. She caught her and fired her from the contract job.

Then there was the stalker. She found my home number, even though we listed it under my wife's name for that reason. (Have to realize that our company is often said to have one of the best benefit packages in the country). She called our home around the clock, with new things about herself that she had "forgotten" to mention in the interview, until I was there once and answered, and threatened to take her name out of the running. Thing is, her application was incredible. She was hired, and now works in marketing, but I avoid her like the plague.

Interviewed one guy who thought that my interview partner had insulted him. He started a fight, and I had to restrain him while they called the police.

joe kidd · 04-22-2012, 09:30 AM

I do the hiring and firing and some of what you see is either hilarious or disturbing depending on how you look at it.

shy_guy · 04-22-2012, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dollystanford

Reminded me of something. One of the contractors that used to frequent one of my former job locations said he got up every morning, got the newspaper and read the obituaries to see if there were any good job openings in town ...