savie1979

im unsure were i can talk about this in this forum .. so appologies if its in the wrong spot ..

my big huge prob is i like to go out with work friends when invited to different things on the odd occasion .. now he hasnt met them and i must admit i dont ask him to come i enjoy that its just my thing and its girls mainly a guy but his as gay as anything ...
its something ive always wanted and its taken mme so long to get due to bein a stay at home mum.. and no outlet to maintain any friends or find some ..

he has in past gone out and in his defence he says i was always asked and i would always say no cause i wasnt interested in wat they done drinking , footy , he use to go out all the time id b left at home and id even pick him up drunk ..

i never told him he couldnt do things or carried on the way HE DOES AND I would never stop him doin something , i let him, i trust him and i couldnt really care . he would say wat his doin i say ok ..even if i hadnt met them..

anyway his feeling left out .. but really feel its more he doesnt want me going out .. i feel he is controlling me .. because of this is unfair i feel in a relationship u should b able to do things on your own .. if it was every weekend fair enougfh but this is not last time was december,,,

im heartbroken about this and his made me feel bad ..
what should i do ...am i wrong .. is this wrong of me ..
he is angry at me and is being weired i know it i can sense this ..its terrible he does this when i wanna go out withy friends ..without him ..

2nd_t!me iz_best

i dont see anything wrong with it once in a while so long as its not too often and you have good boundaries on who you are with and what youre doing.

i cant tell you what his problem with it is or if you have any kind of history as to why you couldnt be trusted.

i wouldnt like the idea of a guy, gay or not.

unbelievable

This is toooo easy to fix. Guys typically think a lot about sex so we naturally don't trust other guys with our wives, especially when alcohol is involved. Invite your husband. Once he goes a couple of times and sees there's nothing interesting or threatening going on, he'll probably be fine with your after-work outings.

MrsOldNews

Maybe he's jealous because you two don't get out often enough, just the two of you. Or maybe he's a control freak. I hope it's the first one.

savie1979

he doesnt know about the guy .. never even mentioned it..

and 10 yrs ago i cheated .. we split for 6mths .. got back together and worked on it ,, but he said i had changed him ..caus ei did hurt him so much .. so now i pay the price i cant do alot of things ..my fault ,,

Dollystanford

ah

my H was a bit like this until he met my friends and realised that we would just sit in a room and get drunk together rather than go and try to pull other guys

but then he never had any reason not to trust me....

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2nd_t!me iz_best

if he has decided to stay with you, that is a long time to hold on to that but i can see where he may be coming from if that is why he is behaving like that.

my exw cheated many times over 14 years, so i could say i had absolutely zero trust in her.

unbelievable

My fiance' had a close male friend whom she'd said was gay. It bothered me a lot that she spent time with him until I got to know him, myself. Now he's our friend.

EleGirl

You cheated. Yes it was 10 years ago. But he might very well still not trust you completely.

Inviting him along every time is a very good idea. That way he can get to know your friends and feel more comfortable.

Not telling him about the guy who goes out with you is lying.. lying by ommision. He probably gets a gut feeling when you are lying. So he's not comfortable with all this.

Invite him along.

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Shaggy

Well I believe you have your answer. You cheated and he doesn't trust you to go out with these people, drinking and partying without him.

It's called a consequence of you putting a permanent scar on his soul when you chose to cheat.

But it sounds like you are trying to engineer it do he isn't welcome. He knows this and guess what it's trigger him to think you might be trying to get doe nice alone time without him so you can once again cheat.mhe and you know you are fully capable of doing it, and it might look to him like you are on that path again.

No you'll think this sucks, but frankly it sucks about infinite times less than being cheated on.
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Shaggy

I dont see him punishing her, since it sounds like he would be fine if he is included. The problem here is he is being explicitly not invited.
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savie1979

its a work thing .. its a culture awareness dinner.. play. our boss suggested that it would b a good idea to go to it as we are a indegenous work place...

EleGirl

If it's an outing suggested by our boss, why don't you invite your husband to attend with you?

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Entropy3000

Looking at one of your other threads may give us some reason why your husband seems unreasonable:

not sexually attracted to h

In here you say you do not want him to touch you. You are not attracted to him.

You also want him to stay at home and take care of the kids when you go out while you go on a holiday. Well I have certainly done that for my wife. But he may be very uneasy about you going out with the girls or on a holiday as it may be a trigger for him. Couples this with a sexless relationship it appears he may be thinking you are cheating on him again. Just guessing here.

When you cheated before was this enabled by you going out with the girls? I think he is triggering. It could be just a mutual resentment going on.

Marriage friendly GNOs should be fine. I have no idea what this event really you are lookimg at entails. But for whatever reason your husband is not trusting you right now. What is it in plain English? Is this a type of party or a seminar? Is there alcohol? Is this a social event for men and women? You make it sound like it does not matter.

This seems like a symptom of some much bigger issues you guys have going on. The lack of connection between you is eating at both of you.

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Lon

savie, as a betrayed H, by the end of my marriage my W was going out alone often (much more often than you) before her affair. Early on I was happy for her when she got to go out because she would come home happy, but she liked it so much she went out more and more, gradually became less happy when she had to come home, I was getting more frustrated because she was never home and I felt stuck raising our child etc. Eventually she decided being able to go out was more in line with who she was than being married so she followed that path, and now my child is split between two homes and has divorced parents.

If you feel like you H is being controlling, understand that it is him trying to express dissatisfaction with the way it is, and it needs to be communicated.

Before, my take on one spouse going out without the other was that as long as the two of you go out together more than alone things should be good. Now of course, your H and I both probably feel that an evening out alone without your spouse is a trigger of the feelings of infidelity.

I think you have the right to go out without your H once in awhile, just make sure that its not more important than going WITH your H - if you care about your H you should both choose to do things that strengthen your bond and don't invite hazards into your relationship.