Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,860
Why come here
This is not humor nor pictures - just introspection and musing, so if you're not into that, you can save yourself some time.
It seems to be important to me to define why I do almost everything, and try to decide whether or not it is best. With that in mind, I've spent time trying to decide why I come here. When I first came to TAM, I had two reasons and they were: I like to help; I like to learn. Helping in the situations I saw became very heavy, and right or wrong, I notice that now, I almost never engage in discussion on serious problems. I still learn a little bit, but is it enough to justify the amount of time I spend here? Good question. I don't think it's a primary reason I come here anymore, though.
Now, I seem to spend all my time here cutting up, posting pictures, loving other people's pictures, getting acquainted with personalities, and having fun. Why do that here? I've been trying to work out why I do that, and after a short conversation with a friend on here the last couple of days, I think I may have it defined ... now on to whether or not it is best.
When I look at what I do, it breaks down like this:
Cut up: I do this with my wife, but I'm a cut-up by nature. I used to do this incessantly with my girls when they were home. When I spent it on family, I didn't need anything more. (The subject of our jokes and teasing here is very different from how I joked with my girls, obviously, but the lighthearted fun is the same.)
Pictures: reason is reminiscing and planning on what else I would like to do: I do this with my wife, but there seems to be some reason I continue this ... I used to do it with my girls when they were home.
Tell stories: I do this some with my wife, but that wasn't enough. I used to do this with my girls when they were home.
Share good natured fun: I do this with my wife, but ... yes, I used to do it a lot more with my girls when they were home.
I truly enjoy my son, and the things we do together. I notice that the things I do with my son I don't share so much on here ... except to share them in the same way I would share them with my girls ... if they were home ...
I've said on here before that my wife and I have had 17 addresses in the 27 years we've been married. We've made friends, then had to leave them. Most of my old friends are now just faces, pictures, and lines on Facebook. I have a few new friends, but ... the only people I've been really dedicated to, really faithful to, and really attached to these last 27 years are my family. That's my wife, my girls, and my son. And now ... my girls have grown up, and moved on ... have their own careers they're pursuing in two different parts of the US ... and when I get right down to the root of why I'm here ... I miss my girls. I mean, I REALLY miss my girls!
I text them, but obviously, they don't have time to play like we used to do - I wouldn't expect them to. I don't have any forum to interact with them the way we used to do, and the part of my personality that developed to interact with them is left with nobody to interact with ... so I come here, and I find people to interact with, cut up with, reminisce with, share pictures with, think of things we'd like to do in the future ... I'm a quasi empty-nester and since my son is so different from my girls, although I interact with him, there is a part of me that used to interact with the girls that is just ... missing something.
So is it healthy for me to find what I used to find in my girls here? ... I don't suppose anybody can answer that question for me. Since the girls have been out of the house for a while, I wonder why it's taken me so long to figure out what I was doing with some parts of social media. Hmm ... so I suppose I have to figure it out, but for now, I guess, since I'm writing this, I'm still here ... and now, when I actually begin to think about it, and realize how I try to interact here much like I did with my girls ...
So what's my next step ... I'm thinking ... If you actually read all the way through this, I don't suppose there's really any help ... but if I had something like that to discuss about another subject, and my girls were home, I would have shared it with them and we would have talked ... and ended up laughing at the end of the talk ...
__________________
Dolly speaks with a ****ney accent. On the drinks thread, we talk about ****tails. A confident person might be ****-sure. An arrogant person is ****y.
#%$@ TAM!!! It was a rooster long before it was an organ!!! FREE THE **** FROM THE EVIL TAM CENSORS!
The reason I stay here, besides feeling that I'm still very much on my journey and find it helpful, is that it's a distraction. There's no two ways about it. It's not distraction from my marriage. But it is from other things.
Part of where I'm at mentally, has me reflecting on the past. I find myself doing that while here - relaying stories/experiences or just thinking in my own mind. That in itself is a distraction from being in the present. So for me, I love the personalities here, I enjoy the perspectives and experiences and advice, but I also recognize that it's become a distraction for me. And it can't be for too much longer.
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,860
Re: Why come here
Quote:
Originally Posted by heartsbeating
What does cut-up mean?
I was going to just point you to urban dictionary, but I realized when I visited there that I need to keep up on how slang words change. The way I use it is most like definition 2 (But I was nowhere near Pittsburgh when I learned and used that term):
__________________
Dolly speaks with a ****ney accent. On the drinks thread, we talk about ****tails. A confident person might be ****-sure. An arrogant person is ****y.
#%$@ TAM!!! It was a rooster long before it was an organ!!! FREE THE **** FROM THE EVIL TAM CENSORS!
I am a person who has a hard time getting close to people... I don't know why. I did have a kind of screwed up growing up phase, so maybe that's it. I'm also a very analytical person, so I tend to analyze and look for reasons for things, which holds me back from being easy at socializing.
Despite that, I'm generally well liked by people, and good at conversation, and remember peoples names amazingly well. So, my good qualities would let me have friends, if I would just feel more comfortable opening up to them.
I think that the lack of close friends to vent to leads me here. I really do have a wonderful wife- a friend of mine, once he met her, dubbed her "Saint (her name)" because she is so warm, caring, and self sacrificing. I have 4 amazing kids, who we are raising well. We get compliments everywhere due to how well they act, how polite they are, how helpful, yes, even how adorable they are!
Despite being in this almost perfect life, there are still roadbumps... The mis matched libidos have almost led me to cheat on my wife. I have come close several times to having emotional affairs... Two women at workplaces, one on the internet... Due to me having weak boundaries and looking for attention.
Currently, our financial situation is very up and down, although getting better... i had a very successful business, which we dumped for next to nothing because the stress led me to a nervous breakdown. I called my wife one day on my way home (a 3 hour drive) to let her know the latest drama (over 3k in cash stolen by one of our employees) and while we were talking about it, I lost it... I was sobbing so hard I couldn't drive or talk, and here I was 3 hours from home. The fights with the mall one of our stores was in, having to fire an employee who was like a little brother to me, and who I treated very, very well, the money theft, several other things happening all at once all just broke me down. Due to the emotional state I was in, and lack of experience, the people we sold the business to took me to the cleaners and ran up immense debt under my name, which ruined our credit... And selling the businesses took us from an income of over 400k in 2004 to less than 15k in 2005 and 2006. That made it financially impossible to pursue legal action. My wife had to go back to work, and we ran up mega debt...
We have finally climbed out of the debt hole, and things are looking up, but the experiences of the last few years made it even harder for me to talk about my life with people.
Getting on here lets me vent, lets me interact with people who I don't have to worry about judging or looking down on me. That's important to me due to insecurities from my growing up years and our recent past.
Holy crap... Just re read that and almost deleted it!
If someone actually reads to this point, congratulations! welcome to my soap opera!
initially because a 13 year relationship I had thought might last forever went to sh*t literally overnight. And the support I found here really helped me in the early days
and then I grew to really appreciate some of the personalities on here - people might think I'm tragic sitting here cackling away at my computer but screw them
initially because a 13 year relationship I had thought might last forever went to sh*t literally overnight. And the support I found here really helped me in the early days
and then I grew to really appreciate some of the personalities on here - people might think I'm tragic sitting here cackling away at my computer but screw them
shy guy, I think you're overthinking a bit...I can recognize it because I do it all the time
You've found a nice social environment here and you are enjoying it -- I think that's as far as you need to think it. I certainly don't think there's anything unhealthy about it -- a number of people have found social media to be a supportive and healthy source of emotional connection. If it works for you, it works!
This is not humor nor pictures - just introspection and musing, so if you're not into that, you can save yourself some time.
It seems to be important to me to define why I do almost everything, and try to decide whether or not it is best. With that in mind, I've spent time trying to decide why I come here. When I first came to TAM, I had two reasons and they were: I like to help; I like to learn. Helping in the situations I saw became very heavy, and right or wrong, I notice that now, I almost never engage in discussion on serious problems. I still learn a little bit, but is it enough to justify the amount of time I spend here? Good question. I don't think it's a primary reason I come here anymore, though.
Now, I seem to spend all my time here cutting up, posting pictures, loving other people's pictures, getting acquainted with personalities, and having fun. Why do that here? I've been trying to work out why I do that, and after a short conversation with a friend on here the last couple of days, I think I may have it defined ... now on to whether or not it is best.
When I look at what I do, it breaks down like this:
Cut up: I do this with my wife, but I'm a cut-up by nature. I used to do this incessantly with my girls when they were home. When I spent it on family, I didn't need anything more. (The subject of our jokes and teasing here is very different from how I joked with my girls, obviously, but the lighthearted fun is the same.)
Pictures: reason is reminiscing and planning on what else I would like to do: I do this with my wife, but there seems to be some reason I continue this ... I used to do it with my girls when they were home.
Tell stories: I do this some with my wife, but that wasn't enough. I used to do this with my girls when they were home.
Share good natured fun: I do this with my wife, but ... yes, I used to do it a lot more with my girls when they were home.
I truly enjoy my son, and the things we do together. I notice that the things I do with my son I don't share so much on here ... except to share them in the same way I would share them with my girls ... if they were home ...
I've said on here before that my wife and I have had 17 addresses in the 27 years we've been married. We've made friends, then had to leave them. Most of my old friends are now just faces, pictures, and lines on Facebook. I have a few new friends, but ... the only people I've been really dedicated to, really faithful to, and really attached to these last 27 years are my family. That's my wife, my girls, and my son. And now ... my girls have grown up, and moved on ... have their own careers they're pursuing in two different parts of the US ... and when I get right down to the root of why I'm here ... I miss my girls. I mean, I REALLY miss my girls!
I text them, but obviously, they don't have time to play like we used to do - I wouldn't expect them to. I don't have any forum to interact with them the way we used to do, and the part of my personality that developed to interact with them is left with nobody to interact with ... so I come here, and I find people to interact with, cut up with, reminisce with, share pictures with, think of things we'd like to do in the future ... I'm a quasi empty-nester and since my son is so different from my girls, although I interact with him, there is a part of me that used to interact with the girls that is just ... missing something.
So is it healthy for me to find what I used to find in my girls here? ... I don't suppose anybody can answer that question for me. Since the girls have been out of the house for a while, I wonder why it's taken me so long to figure out what I was doing with some parts of social media. Hmm ... so I suppose I have to figure it out, but for now, I guess, since I'm writing this, I'm still here ... and now, when I actually begin to think about it, and realize how I try to interact here much like I did with my girls ...
So what's my next step ... I'm thinking ... If you actually read all the way through this, I don't suppose there's really any help ... but if I had something like that to discuss about another subject, and my girls were home, I would have shared it with them and we would have talked ... and ended up laughing at the end of the talk ...
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
__________________
~~~ SW ~~~
~ A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you". Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine.
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Why come here 
