One of my dad's unbreakable rules when I was growing up is that nobody ate until the person who had prepared the food got to sit down to eat. It was pretty easily enforcable because we also could not eat before giving thanks.
Culturally, this is so completely different from the way my wife was raised. With her, the people preparing the food always prepared for the kids first, then the adults would eat. Often the person preparing the food would eat last after ensuring everybody else had eaten.
Don't take it as being a problem for us - it's not. It's just one of the cultural things we've adjusted to. Deep down inside, though, I always still think nobody should eat until the person who prepared the food gets a chance to sit down and enjoy the fruit of his/her work ... not to mention the fact that it's just nice to have her sitting at the table when we eat (I say "her" since she prepares the food 95% of the time).
I'm just wondering what kinds of table manners you take issue with, don't like the changes with, or just thought interesting for discussion.
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My dad was pretty strict.
No elbows on the table.
Chew with your mouth closed.
When you were finished you said " May I please be excused".
We also had to thank our mother for cooking the meal.
My wife puts so much work into meals every day. She is an awesome cook, and loves to come up with interesting new things. I don't make it easy because ingredients in many prepackaged entrees or sides may contain chemicals that I have to avoid, due to a mild, muscle enzyme disorder (I once tried hamburger helper while she was out of town and ended up in the ER). I try to cook too.
But the background above was just to illustrate why I taught the kids to be really appreciative of her cooking. She admits that the compliments are a weakness, because we'll joke that if she doesn't get affirmation in 3.5 seconds after the first bite, the questions will start.
We all eat together every night. No TV, and light music. We have turned it into a great family time through the years, with so much laughing. And, given my dysfunctional childhood, I saved up in the first year we were married and bought real silver and crystal, which is used on the weekends. There is a tradition from my childhood that is similar to many people, and I think it is common among several other native american peoples. Eating together is supposed to be a spiritual event for a family. Every night one person will volunteer a topic, and that is what we talk, laugh and joke about. Tonight's topic was from my daughter, and how I effectively bribed her into going to see the new Snow White movie this weekend with me, by offering to pay her hotel bill when she goes away for some upcoming training for her volunteer work.
My hubby mostly cooks. He's snacking constantly on whatever he prepares, so come mealtime, he's not really hungry. He's happy to host everyone else as they sit down to eat after the foods done.
In our home, the fork isn't even lifted until the chef (which ever one of us has cooked) has sat down and is ready to eat. For most of our marriage H was the chef in our home and I was strict about enforcing this rule with others visiting too. Because I'm a bossy boots like that. To me, it's about respect. I understand if it's different culturally, this is just how I feel about it.
Food should be tasted before adding salt and pepper.
Now here's a thing though...I set the table with the fork on the left side. H insists the fork should go on the right. He says it doesn't make sense if you're right-handed to do this. I think it's the proper way! Fork is in the left hand when eating. I don't know if this is an American thing, or if it's just his thing. It's okay though, these differences including pronouncing "Herbs" as "erbs" instead of with an H, keep things interesting.
We always sit down and eat together. My husband makes the kids wait for me to sit down before they start eating. he is really good about helping me get them set up with what they need though.
No one leaves the table until everyone is done.
I wouldn't mind them starting without me (especially the kids because they eat SO slow) but I think it is sweet he makes them wait for me
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Re: Table Manners
Quote:
Originally Posted by heartsbeating
I set the table with the fork on the left side. H insists the fork should go on the right. He says it doesn't make sense if you're right-handed to do this. I think it's the proper way! Fork is in the left hand when eating. I don't know if this is an American thing, or if it's just his thing. It's okay though, these differences including pronouncing "Herbs" as "erbs" instead of with an H, keep things interesting.
Now here's an interesting one ... for dinner, we very seldom have a fork as part of the place setting at all. Most times, we use chopsticks. Occasionally, with such western meals as steak, we will use a fork, but most time, forks are not even on the table.
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Dolly speaks with a ****ney accent. On the drinks thread, we talk about ****tails. A confident person might be ****-sure. An arrogant person is ****y.
#%$@ TAM!!! It was a rooster long before it was an organ!!! FREE THE **** FROM THE EVIL TAM CENSORS!
I'm single due to divorce, so I don't have a lot of rules for eating, so i will refer to my childhood meals.
We always ate together at the table, but we didn't have any formal rules like placement of utensils. We were always expected to be pulled up to the table so we weren't dropping food in our lap and such. We didn't have to wait until the last one was finished to leave the table, but we were expected to take a reasonable amount of time to eat before leaving, and then ask to be excused. We kids weren't allowed to just swallow it whole and run back out to play in two minutes.
We were not allowed snacks for an hour or so before supper because it would "ruin our appetite." We were also expected to eat a reasonable portion of the meal before us. We couldn't say "I'm not hungry" and skip sitting at the table. We weren't forced to eat, but we still had to sit at the table, and if we skimped during meal time, we weren't allowed any snacks before bed time.
We had to eat balanced portions. We couldn't take four pork chops and no vegetables, for example. We were also not allowed to take the last portion of a food without asking. Oh, and no talking with your mouth full!
One of the things that brings a chuckle to me today was "no singing at the table." That doesn't mean that someone tried to perform a concert at each meal, but if someone was humming or softly mouthing the words to a song that was stuck in their head, an adult would say, "don't be singing at the table." that wasn't just our rule; i think that was just a rural thing. My grandparent's generation was big on this.
These were things we knew and it didn't have to be addressed often.
Location: On a clear day, I can see Mt. Rainier ... but you can't count on the days to be clear here ...
Posts: 1,872
Re: Table Manners
Southbound, your meal times sound a lot like mine when I was a child. The one difference was that we really were expected to eat ... but I don't think anybody ever had to tell us that. Seeing as how you refer to the evening meal as "supper," there is probably a lot of similarity in our cultures.
"No singing at the table" was also a big thing with my grandparents. My grandma had a cute little rhyme about it that, though not dirty, might not be thought of too kindly by many on here, so I won't post it here.
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Dolly speaks with a ****ney accent. On the drinks thread, we talk about ****tails. A confident person might be ****-sure. An arrogant person is ****y.
#%$@ TAM!!! It was a rooster long before it was an organ!!! FREE THE **** FROM THE EVIL TAM CENSORS!
Southbound, your meal times sound a lot like mine when I was a child. The one difference was that we really were expected to eat
Not eating wouldn't have been tolerated on a regular basis with us either, but once in a blue moon if we didn't eat much, we just weren't allowed any snacks later, not that we got a lot of snacks anyway.
We allow the older children to pick out their own portions to put on their own plates from the kitchen and then sit down. Younger children wait at the table for their food to be brought to them.
No loud noises at the table, you need to allow the parents to direct conversation (that is we decide whose turn it is to speak).
No making noises while chewing/drinking.
No reaching across others.
Ask for everything (passing food/napkins/etc.) with please and then thank you (waiting to ask if someone else is speaking).
Do not waste food, take only that which you can eat... you can always go back for 2nds or 3rds.
You must eat all your veggies before being excused.
No complaining about the food, if you don't like it tell us later and be polite about it (younger kids are still working on this one ).
Eating somewhere other than the dinner table is only allowed on special occasions (the parents decide, but the children may ask once before the meal is served). But we always eat together in the same area, even if that area isn't the dinner table.
Children may ask to be excused once their veggies are done and they are full (but they don't get to come back later for more food once excused).
Children need to ask permission to leave the table for any reason: going to the bathroom, getting more food/drink, or just to be excused after they are done eating.
We have a number of religious rules about how they behave during prayer and bible study after dinner.
For us... I normally feed everyone before myself if I've cooked, I don't make the kids wait to eat.. they usually start right when they get their food lol but .. the rules we do have is..
No playing with the food.
No throwing the food around.
No stealing each others food.
On certain occasions.. we require them to learn to share.
totally obsessive about table manners even though we rarely sat down to eat together as he was always at work and I had to feed the child before 9pm at night
don't start until everyone is seated
take your plate to the food, don't get a spoonful and then take it to the plate spilling half of it on the table ha ha
don't hold knife like a pen!
don't bite the fork
eat with your mouth closed
don't talk with your mouth full
knife and fork together when you've finished (not doing this really irritates me!)
the last roast potato is always my dad's. this is the golden rule
ask to be excused
We sit at the table 4-5 nights a week...but I cook every night. Some nights the girls eat in the living room, but always together.
I'm big on manners...we take them out once a month to restaurants of different star ratings (lol) to teach them how to behave. We go early or at lunch so it doesn't bother dates
But yea, my students lack manners. I plan to teach them table manners next year since they are implementing "Breakfast in the Classroom" (bullshet) from 8 to 8:30....budget cuts in the cafeteria. Now I gotta serve breakfast. nice.
We sit at the table 4-5 nights a week...but I cook every night. Some nights the girls eat in the living room, but always together.
I'm big on manners...we take them out once a month to restaurants of different star ratings (lol) to teach them how to behave. We go early or at lunch so it doesn't bother dates
But yea, my students lack manners. I plan to teach them table manners next year since they are implementing "Breakfast in the Classroom" (bullshet) from 8 to 8:30....budget cuts in the cafeteria. Now I gotta serve breakfast. nice.
One of my teachers in elementary school taught a series of lessons on table manners, including silverware placement. I still remember the class. We finished up by going to a really nice restaraunt on a field trip. I'm glad you're doing this.
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