When you fart in public in front of friends...

that_girl · 06-03-2012, 10:45 AM

I have never farted in public.

With friends, maybe...at home...it's ON!

But I blame the kid.

Middle of Everything · 06-03-2012, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by humanbecoming

Dude!

Are you guys broke from paying for therapy for the kids?

Our is it "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger"?

Hey most kids like buttercups.

Or is that peanut buttercups?

Dollystanford · 06-03-2012, 12:16 PM

I love the way the title of this thread is 'WHEN you fart in public' as if it's the norm!

arbitrator · 06-03-2012, 01:07 PM

Many years ago, while dining with my football officiating crew after a game we had worked together, we settled on a barbeque joint in a Houston suburb. That would make 7 of us including my oldest son, who accompanied us that night.

Well, it's no secret that flatulence, more especially amongst a bunch of old men, is pretty commonplace. This particular evening, right after we had finished up and had left our money on the table for the tab, as we were getting up to leave, the inevitable occurred.

Sitting just adjacent to us were a group of "blue-hair" Bible-thumpers who were also trying to enjoy some of that good ol' Texas BBQ, sans the Lone Star Beer, for obvious reasons.

Upon getting up to leave, as yours truly was pulling himself up out of his seat, the loudest, most vociferous flatulating racket emanated, as I was scooting my chair out. Now I've been around in my lifetime and have seen many remarkable things. But I have never seen 6 grown men and 1 kid scatter out the front door and into the parking lot like a pack of scalded dogs, laughing, hee-hawing, and giggling like a bunch of 7th grade juvenile adolescents!

Now sitting alone, I remained rather calm, sipping my iced tea and glancing over at those poor unfortunate people, who I now saw glaring back at me like I was some kind of a crap-eating dog! Well, I calmly got up and exited the restaurant, only to find my compadres outside the door hooting and hollering at me with pleasure and glee.

Then my back judge suddenly discovered that in his hasty exit from the facility, he had left his car keys on the dining table. So what does he do? He coaxes my teenage son to go back in there and fetch them for him. Well, he did just that, only when he came back out with the keys, he just looked at me with a most perplexed look and said, "Dad, I think that those old people sitting next to us in there wanted to kill me! They were muttering under their breath something awful! I think they thought I did it!"

Just one of the more fonder war stories from my football officiating career! Guess they need to greatly curtail letting old men out in public like that!

So my advise is that if placed into a similar situation, do not admit guilt provided there is anyone else that might be culpable. If not, however, then fastly offer up a heartfelt apology!

shy_guy · 06-04-2012, 12:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaia

lol or ya hold it until your in a bathroom or someplace where it won't be embarrassing.

So lemme tell you about that ... old memories these ...

In 6th grade, in science class, I had one of those straining moments when I was called on to read. I couldn't just sit there with a strained look on my face with everyone either looking at me or waiting ... so I started to read like I was expected to do, and I ... um ... lost my concentration and failed to multi-task for one critical moment ... sitting on that wooden desk chair with the metal hollow for the books right below it, it sounded like someone shot a bass drum with a machine gun ... and I think it took at least 5 minutes before the teacher was able to get control of the class again. I didn't even have anyone to blame it on, so all I could do was laugh and go with it.

In high school, I went to church camp wtih a large group that I really wasn't that familiar with (I went with a friend who did not go to the same church I went with). I had a bit of a cramp and had to go, so that's what I did right about lights out. This was an open bay dorm with the bathroom and showers through a doorway with no solid door. There were just stalls around the thrones in there and the throneroom was directly next to the bay with the bunks. Just as everybody was getting shushed ... well, everybody knows why you go to the bathroom ... and if they didn't, then I reminded them - you don't go to the bathroom to be delicate, right? Sitting on the throne, with that nice round bowl below me, it sounded like it thundered through a trumpet ... I'm pretty sure it even had something of a musical quality with such acoustics. I couldn't even slink back to the bed in secret. It got me a nickname I lived with for the rest of the week.

Now if that happened today, and anybody said anything about it, I'd demand applause. I wasn't quite as secure in those days.

So you guys are claiming you don't fart in public just because you're women or some such ... If that's true, then you must just not eat when you're going out in public because at the very least, I'm going to have to call BS if you say you don't use public toilets. I don't hang out in the ladies' room, but since intestinal processes are not something you can put a ladylike voice tone on, I'm pretty sure that at LEAST there, you've had your moments. When you gotta thunder, you gotta thunder! If you got other things going on, or you're cramping, you're not going to sound delicate.

Gaia · 06-04-2012, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shy_guy

So you guys are claiming you don't fart in public just because you're women or some such ...

Not sure about anyone else.. but i never claimed to NEVER fart in public. But I have learned to hold it quite well, and if i couldn't for some reason.. and it slipped out... like i stated before.. i'd blame it on hubby. As far as public restrooms go... well I've been lucky enough to be in there when no one else was... but those things are so nasty and trashed..... i more often then not.. just hold it and have hubby take me elsewhere lol.

Gaia · 06-04-2012, 01:27 AM

Farting is kind of the least of your worries in a public restroom.. if there's piss and poo all over the toilets or in the toilets people don't flush. Or even sometimes pooed up tp all over the floor.

shy_guy · 06-04-2012, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaia

Not sure about anyone else.. but i never claimed to NEVER fart in public. But I have learned to hold it quite well, and if i couldn't for some reason.. and it slipped out... like i stated before.. i'd blame it on hubby. As far as public restrooms go... well I've been lucky enough to be in there when no one else was... but those things are so nasty and trashed..... i more often then not.. just hold it and have hubby take me elsewhere lol.

I know I quoted you because of the public restroom thing (implying it wouldn't be embarassing

), but I had several replies in mind when I was replying. It seems that getting women to admit they fart is like getting getting red-sox fans to say the yankees don't suck. It doesn't matter what reality is, the responses are predictable

...

There are replies in the thread where people claim to have never farted in public ... so either their intestines don't work the same way men's do, or else they have huge, expandable baloon-like repositories internally that allow them to store it much longer than what some of us can. Since we've all been around women in our lives (even those of us who grew up with no sisters), I'd say most of us just aren't buying that story

. When you get a cramp, sometimes, it's not voluntary - at least not if you don't want to stop walking and stand perfectly still in a slightly squatted position with a look of strain and pain on your face ... But for those claiming to never have farted in public, go ahead and tell your little story and pretend people believe it

Honestly, it's no big deal. We've all had a cramp before, and we understand when you can't hold it for a delicate moment. If you acted like it didn't bother you, it wouldn't even be any fun to try to tease about it. I don't even try to tease about it unless it's one of my daughters, and in that case, it's just carrying on an old tradition.

shy_guy · 06-04-2012, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gaia

Farting is kind of the least of your worries in a public restroom.. if there's piss and poo all over the toilets or in the toilets people don't flush. Or even sometimes pooed up tp all over the floor.

I was actually thinking the bathrooms like at work where you actually know the other people who are in the office, and the bathrooms are usually well maintained. At least they've been well maintained in the places I've worked most of my adult life ... I can think of one exception.

Gaia · 06-04-2012, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shy_guy

I was actually thinking the bathrooms like at work where you actually know the other people who are in the office, and the bathrooms are usually well maintained. At least they've been well maintained in the places I've worked most of my adult life ... I can think of one exception.

lol when you said public restrooms.... walmart came to mind...

Dollystanford · 06-04-2012, 01:49 AM

I'm not saying i don't ever NEED to, I'm saying I don't do it!
I will leave and go somewhere private
I've had a fairly obsessive phobia about it since I was a little kid
30 years of practice holding it in
have been in agony before, just can't do it!
can't believe I'm talking about it on a public message board!

larry.gray · 06-04-2012, 09:13 AM

Is it a badge of honor to have run somebody out of a public restroom because you stank so bad?

southern wife · 06-04-2012, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dollystanford

this would never happen

shy_guy · 06-04-2012, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dollystanford

can't believe I'm talking about it on a public message board!

Talking is a good step Dolly. I think we're making fine progress here

J/K ... Okay, I'm putting on my straight face and being serious now ...

...

...

No wait, I can do this. Let me try it again ...

...

Okay, it's just not working ... It's that straight face thing, honest! It has nothing to do with farting ... I've never been able to keep a straight face when I really wanted to ...

(You do realize that a fart is not that funny, right? It's the embarassed reaction of the farter that makes it funny

)

J/K of course, Dolly, but if you ever find yourself needing to confess and just come clean, we're here for you. (no more smilies ... )

southern wife · 06-04-2012, 09:35 AM