A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that crap. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks." The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer, you're going to blow chunks". "You don't understand", said the man,
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that crap. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks." The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer, you're going to blow chunks". "You don't understand", said the man,
As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent. Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him in this effort. The first few weeks weren't too difficult. Things got tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest nightclothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple of weeks were extremely tough on the husband, so the wife took to locking the bedroom door and forcing the husband to sleep on the couch.
Easter morning finally came. A knock came on the wife's bedroom door.
"KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!! KNOCK!!!"
Husband: "Guess whom?"
Wife: "I know who it is!"
Husband: "Guess what I want?"
Wife: "I know what you want!"
Husband: "Guess what I'm knockin' with?"
A newly pregnant couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity that required the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an understanding of what it feels like to be pregnant.
The husband stood up and shrugged saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.”
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.
“You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?” the husband asked.
“That’s right,” replied the instructor.
He turned to his wife and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.”
There is a little boy and a little girl in the woods. The little girl asked the boy, "What is a penis?" The boy replied, "I don't know." At that time he hears his mum calling him for lunch. He goes home and eats his lunch. Then he sees his dad on the couch. He goes up to his dad and ask him, "What is a penis?" The dad whips his out and says to the boy, "This is a penis, as a matter of fact this is the perfect penis." The boy leaves to go find his friend and brings her to the woods. The girl again asks him what a penis is. He whips out his penis and says to her, "This is a penis, and if it was two inches smaller it would be the perfect penis!"
Married couple, husband is a long haul trucker and trophy winning bowler. Wife has a massive number of pet birds. Home is over run by birds of all kinds, parrots, mynahs, c**katoos, etc. The birds are cagefree, they fly all over the house, perching on the bowling trophies and there is bird sheyat everywhere. Husband finally has had it with all the birds. As he's leaving on a 2 week trip he says to the wife "I want ALL of these birds gone. I'm tired of them sheyatting all over the place, especially my bowling trophies." Wife says "can't I keep just one bird, please?" Husband says "absolutely not, get rid of all of them before I get back!' Wife finally agrees.
A few days later, she's downtown and is trying to find a way to get rid of all the birds. While she's walking, she comes upon a pet shop. Against her better judgement, she goes in and looks around. She spies a rather large bird on a perch in the corner. He's beautifully colored, different from any bird she's seen before. She finds the clerk and inquires about the bird. Clerk tells her that the bird is a Crunchbird and is indeed very special, possesses a special talent. When the wife asks what the talent is the clerk offers to demonstrate. Clerk says "Crunchbird....table!" The bird immediately eats the entire table. Well the wife is impressed and strikes upon the idea that the Crunchbird is the answer to her problem of disposing of the other birds. She purchases the bird, goes home and says to the bird,"Crunchbird, all the other birds." In a flash ALL the other birds are gone.
Husband arrives home to find the house sparkling. No evidence that there ever were birds in the house, no sheyat on his trophies, nothing. Except the one, lone bird that was perched quietly in the corner. Husband yells at wife, "I thought I told you to get rid of all the birds?" Wife explains "But he's very special bird, a Crunchbird."
Husband says, "Crunchbird? My AZZ!"
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Re: Just for laughs... 
BAD that_girl!
LOL
