Funny convos between you and your spouse.
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Old 06-14-2012, 09:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Funny convos between you and your spouse.

Yep.. list em here if ya want. Here's two from just this morning... lol

Me: "So hunny... you know where they say a mans gspot is?"

Hubby: "Yep"

Me: "So... "

Hubby: "Hell no... I don't give a damn how great some people claim it to be there aint no way in hell anythings going up my *******! No way no how!"

Of course i busted out laughing at that point. Then tried again...


Me: "So you wouldn't want to ..."

Then he just shakes his head and says... "NOOOOO" I start laughing even harder by that point.



Ok.. convo number two...


Me: Hunny can you pick up and throw away those boxes so i can vacuum?

Hubby: Your not vacuuming.

Me: Uh excuse me? Why not?

Hubby: Because your pregnant.

Me: Uh and? Doesn't mean I can't effing clean my own house!

Hubby: Yes it does.. I'll do it.. besides i still gotta fix it anyway. I didn't set the hose back in right and the belt...

Me: Ugh are you THAT determined to keep me from cleaning that you have to dismantle the vacuum?

Hubby: Uh.. yeah lets go with that. (He starts chuckling at that point)

Me: Ugh I'm going to stab you! (I was cutting open popsicles for the kids at that time and he knows i was kidding)

Hubby: (laughing at this point) Probably...


Of course he failed to remember about my lil handheld vacuum.... buahahahahahaahahahaha!!!
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Old 06-14-2012, 10:14 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

Hope he gets more open minded, he's missing out!

One day my wife sends me an IM at work:

"The internet is down..."
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Old 06-14-2012, 10:18 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

Can't remember what we were talking about, but once hubby and I woke ourselves up talking to each other in our sleep! Once we woke up we stayed awake for about an hour talking in bed... Guess we had a lot to say to each other back then! Good times!
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Old 06-14-2012, 06:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

Walking the dogs the other night. Man walked by us and made a type of grunt noise as he passed. I said Hi.

Me: I think that was our neighbor. [back story, one of our neighbors, nice guy but lacking a little in social skills so it wouldn't be unlike him to make a noise instead of saying hello].

Batman: I couldn't tell, it's too dark.

Me: Well, I didn't want to snub him if it was our neighbor.

Batman: And this is why you'll be the first to get it in a Zombie apocalypse.

Me: [laughing]

10minute conversation followed about our zombie plan.
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Old 06-14-2012, 06:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

Our silly conversations have been about zombies, dildos, cupcakes without cups, boneless hot wings and sour milk.

Sour Milk: 'Hey...come here and smell this...is it ok? I think it's sour." LOL! If you think it smells bad, why should I stick my nose in it?! O.o

Zombies: Randomly, he came into the livingroom and said, "If there was a zombie apocolypse, do you want to live or do you want me to take you out? I said, "Take me out." He thought about it and said, "I could never do that. Screw that. Buck up, you're livin'"

Dildos: He told me a guy was found with a dildo stuck in his ass. I said, "Yea it happens." He looked at me and said, "To who?!" "Well, that guy apparently." "It would never happen to me." "Is that a challenge?" "I'm sleeping with my eyes open and my butt closed tonight."

Cupcakes: He said, "I want to make cupcakes but without the cups." I siad, "Sooo you're going to make a cake." He said, "Oh yea." DUHHHH! We still laugh about that one. Srsly.

Boneless Hot Wings: "I don't think this came from a chicken, it's definitely not a wing", he said. "Why?" "There's no bone." "Maybe it's just pieces of meat from the boneless part of the chicken?" "What? Like the fat?" "Ew...and the butt..." "and the ....ew...wtf...." We stopped eating the boneless chicken wings.
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Last edited by that_girl; 06-14-2012 at 06:33 PM.
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Old 06-14-2012, 06:42 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

We have our own gym at home and we both workout.
Sometimes she helps me , but when I use heavy weights I use the saftey pins on the rack,instead if having her assist.

So one day she was doing something in the room next to our gym.
I was bench presing a lot of weight, and grunting ,cussing and breathing really hard.
After I finished she came into the room and asked me;

" Hon , how come you don't sound like that when we having sex..?"

I was stumped!!

[ I am more of a " silent guy" during the act. I usually whisper in her ear, and use my lips and tongue other stuff.]

Last edited by Caribbean Man; 06-14-2012 at 06:55 PM.
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Old 06-14-2012, 06:48 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

I already did my "Mola" thing in another of your threads, so let me think ...

Convo 1:

Her: Honey, can you bring me <x> from the cabinets in there?

Me: Okay. (Walk into that room) Where is it?

Her: It's in the cabinet.

Me: There are about 20 cabinet doors in here. Can you be a little more specific?

Her: In the top.

Me: Okay, that narrowed it down to 12 cabinet doors.

Her: You don't know?

Me: Did you really just ask me that?

Her: <laughing> ...
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Old 06-14-2012, 06:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
Zombies: Randomly, he came into the livingroom and said, "If there was a zombie apocolypse, do you want to live or do you want me to take you out? I said, "Take me out." He thought about it and said, "I could never do that. Screw that. Buck up, you're livin'"
We have spent far too much time talking zombies.

I'm with you. I've told Hubs "Ya know I'd think to myself, the zombies are here, it's been a good life, I'll just cut my losses.." He HATES that attitude. "But what if you could fight them off and learn to survive?" And we go around and around debating this. I see it that I'm being pragmatic, he sees it that I'm being pessimistic. But I do also have plans of what vehicles would be good to have, where to go, what kind of weapons and such. I had a pimped out van with fridge, food supplies and place to sleep - really a campervan I suppose - he had reasoning of why that wouldn't last long but I can't remember why not. We both agree a helicopter would be useful.
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Old 06-14-2012, 06:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
Cupcakes: He said, "I want to make cupcakes but without the cups." I siad, "Sooo you're going to make a cake." He said, "Oh yea." DUHHHH! We still laugh about that one. Srsly
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Old 06-14-2012, 07:04 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

Hubs' second language is English so sometimes he doesn't know the exact right word. Or he says it wrong. I love it.
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Old 06-14-2012, 07:11 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

This isn't "funny" but a meaningless convo that happened earlier. He came home from the store.
I was unpacking the bags.

Me: Ooh you got cotton earbuds! Good thinking 99!
Me: You know I've been saving that one earbud that's left, for you.
Batman: There were two a few days ago, I used one and then left the last one for you.
Me: I've been saving that last one for YOU!
Batman: No, that's meant for you.
Me: But that's more your thing - I know you love your earbuds (lol he does, it's true).
Me: You save me the chocolate, I'll save you the earbuds. I might fail on the cookies from time to time though.
Him: [chuckling]

He's a cookies man. I asked him the other week where he'd hidden the cookies.

Him: I haven't hidden them, you finished them.
Me: [in shock] What? No, I would have saved it for you!
Him: I saw the packaging in the trash.
Me: I don't remember having the last cookie.
Me: Maybe it was the workmen? [we'd had construction guys in and I'd offered them tea and cookies].
Him: So you think the workmen would go into our cupboard and finish the cookies? [laughing]
Me: YES! I did offer food and drinks to them.
Him: [raised eyebrow and coy tone of voice] So you think the workmen finished them... not a certain little catwoman? [but my name, he doesn't call me catwoman]
Me: It must have been them. I don't remember having it.
< fast forward about 3 hours later >
Me: Oh you know what? Yes, I did have the last cookie.
Him: [laughing]
Me: I just remembered, I looked in the bag, and was considering saving it and the work guys started talking to me about what they were fixing and I started eating it then threw the bag in the trash before I went to see about the leaking pipe. I was concentrating more on what they were telling me.
Me: I'm sorry I didn't save you the cookie.
Him: [laughing] It's okay sweetheart.
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Old 06-14-2012, 07:11 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

so wifey loves fancy pastry.
One day on my way home I decide to purchase a box,fresh from the bakery for her. Took some croissants , strudels ,mini apple pies and a special type of pastry called " currant rolls" indigenous to Trinidad [ Where i'm from].
On my way home I got stuck in traffic and started to feel hungry,opened the box of pastry and took a "bite" out of her currant roll.

When I reached home this was the convo;

Me: * big smile* Hi, I bought your faaavorite!
Her: Thannnnk You! [ grabs the box,hugs and kiss on cheek,and walks inside]
One minute later she screams out;
Her; HON!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BOX OF PASTRIES AND WHO BIT HALF OF MY CURRANT ROLL?
Me; I don't know,must be the feller in the gas station
Her; WHAT!!!
Me: Yeah,I don't trust him.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Edit;
For those ladies who would like to know what is a " currant roll " in pastry, go to this page;
https://www.google.tt/search?q=curra...w=1040&bih=600
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Old 06-14-2012, 07:14 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caribbean Man View Post
so wifey loves fancy pastry.
One day on my way home I decide to purchase a box,fresh from the bakery for her. Took some croissants , strudels ,mini apple pies and a special type indigenious to Trinidad [ Where i'm from].
On my way home I got stuck in traffic and started to feel hungry,opened the box of pastry and took a "bite" out of her currant roll.

When I reached home this was the convo;

Me: * big smile* Hi, I bought your faaavorite!
Her: Thannnnk You! [ grabs the box,hugs and kiss on cheek,and walks inside]
One minute later she screams out;
Her; HON!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BOX OF PASTRIES AND WHO BIT HALF OF MY CURRANT ROLL?
Me; I don't know,must be the feller in the gas station
Her; WHAT!!!
Me: Yeah,I don't trust him.


Those guys in the gas station.... the workmen fixing the pipes.... what is up with people these days?!!
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Old 06-14-2012, 07:53 PM   #14 (permalink)
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My husband and I once had a 10 day stand off about who was going to man up and replace the toothpaste in the bathroom. I bet him that he would have to do it and he took it as a competition, so for 10 days we squeezed that bottle as flat as it would get, getting the last bits of toothpaste and leaving the empty toothpaste container on the sink for the other one to deal with. The only thing he didn't know was that I had been cheating, I opened a new container of toothpaste on day 2 and was keeping it hidden under the sink, cause who wants to skimp on toothpaste? Ew. So he was really fighting the battle with himself the whole time, cause I was never using the old toothpaste. On day 10 he broke and was so upset that he had to be the one to open the new tube. He came to me and said "I can't believe you defeated me!" Then he reached down and found my already opened tube of toothpaste and he was so mad that I cheated. I just told him "your the one who lost, you haven't been using toothpaste for the last 10 days just to win a bet. Gross!" And he laughed so hard for some reason.
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Old 06-14-2012, 07:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Funny convos between you and your spouse.

^^^ KAG!
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