Forum for abuse and abuse survivors - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 05:44 PM
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Not my decision.

If you want to put together a post and request it be stickied, you, or anyone can do that.

We have a women's forum, relationships and addiction, and physical and mental health, I have no interest one way or another if there is another sub-forum. Simply wanted to respond and let you know that it was considered previously and at that time, the decision was not to host a separate forum.
That's actually a great alternative, thanks!
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post #17 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 06:37 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

Actually, my main concern for a sub-forum of this nature wouldn't be that victims could be tracked down by their abusers, but that it would need to be very strictly moderated. In forums of this nature, new members are very clearly warned to use obscure usernames and to clear their browsing history after visiting the forum.

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post #18 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 12:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

Yep, very important advice to cover the tracks!

I notice on CWI nobody tells cheaters debating coming clean to their spouse gets the same advice.... I've seen three busted here that way.
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post #19 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 02:57 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

Thing is Larry, the most dangerous time for an abuse victim is when they're planning to leave... They need to be super-sneaky in order to survive - cheaters have already been so!

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post #20 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 10:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

Both in planning on leaving and hiding where they go when they are gone.
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post #21 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-12-2013, 10:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

One other suggestion would be to make the sub-forum non web crawl-able. Making it private is one way. You'll note you can take snippets of text from this website, google them and it will find them if they've been here a week or so. Not so if it is in the private forum because google can't get in there. And if they do, they can get in trouble for it. (Violation of terms of use, it is actionable and google has very deep pockets.)

There are other ways to confound web crawlers too. Only letting registered users in is one way.
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post #22 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-13-2013, 02:34 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

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One other suggestion would be to make the sub-forum non web crawl-able. Making it private is one way. You'll note you can take snippets of text from this website, google them and it will find them if they've been here a week or so. Not so if it is in the private forum because google can't get in there. And if they do, they can get in trouble for it. (Violation of terms of use, it is actionable and google has very deep pockets.)

There are other ways to confound web crawlers too. Only letting registered users in is one way.
Trouble is, Larry, I don't think TAM have enough staff to moderate something like this... However, I've got a couple of ideas I'm mulling over right now which I'll post about later.

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post #23 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-15-2013, 08:57 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

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Originally Posted by Cosmos View Post
Trouble is, Larry, I don't think TAM have enough staff to moderate something like this... However, I've got a couple of ideas I'm mulling over right now which I'll post about later.

Looking forward to your ideas!


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post #24 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-20-2013, 12:49 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

I know some men who are abuse victims to. Hope they can find help here. Since when they call the cops they are told they aren't real men and to stop being a wimp. They go to the hospital and the staff refuses to deal with it as domestic violence. They have few resources. Maybe this could be one for them as well.
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post #25 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-21-2013, 04:18 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

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I know some men who are abuse victims to. Hope they can find help here. Since when they call the cops they are told they aren't real men and to stop being a wimp. They go to the hospital and the staff refuses to deal with it as domestic violence. They have few resources. Maybe this could be one for them as well.
An abuse forum should be for members of both genders. The powers that be are becoming more aware of domestic violence perpetrated against men, and are (quite rightly) starting to view it in a serious light.

Women can be sneakier when it comes to abuse, but over a period of time the results of abuse can be the same. It is a gradual wearing away of the victim's support systems, self-esteem and boundaries that leaves them open to even more abuse - and it doesn't even have to involve physical abuse. A man doesn't have to be a wimp for this to happen.


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post #26 of 47 (permalink) Old 08-28-2013, 11:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

Ah, the double standard in spousal abuse is alive and well here:

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post #27 of 47 (permalink) Old 09-04-2013, 04:53 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

Could we get people to volunteer to moderate those forums if they are short staffed?

I think it would be a good idea, private or not.

Would love to have some support from people who are in the same boat as I am. It's very hard opening up about this stuff to family and friends, esp when there is no physical abuse.

Most people still consider fits of anger (aka throwing stuff or verbally attacking someone) a "normal" part of marriage. It stuns me to this day
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post #28 of 47 (permalink) Old 09-05-2013, 04:59 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

I would happily moderate it, Bunny.

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post #29 of 47 (permalink) Old 09-05-2013, 06:16 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

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Originally Posted by bunny23 View Post
Could we get people to volunteer to moderate those forums if they are short staffed?

I think it would be a good idea, private or not.

Would love to have some support from people who are in the same boat as I am. It's very hard opening up about this stuff to family and friends, esp when there is no physical abuse.


Maybe it would indeed be a good idea to have two extra mods, with experience or a background just for that section.

Maybe a trial run could be done to determine its feasibility.


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post #30 of 47 (permalink) Old 09-05-2013, 01:27 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

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Maybe it would indeed be a good idea to have two extra mods, with experience or a background just for that section.

Maybe a trial run could be done to determine its feasibility.
I would be prepared to take such a group off-site and run it off the back of a family orientated support forum I've been running for the past 3 years. It would, of course, be completely separate from that group, and would be designed so that it was strictly members only and none of its content would show up in search engines.

For me to do this, though, I would need the permission from TAM admin to post a link to the off-site forum here on TAM, and also the help of a few abuse survivors to help me moderate it and keep it safe. Such a forum would, of course, have to bear the disclaimer that it was not run by professionals.

Thoughts?

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