Forum for abuse and abuse survivors - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-06-2013, 10:27 AM Thread Starter
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Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

I'm re-posting something another member suggested that I think is a good idea:

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Originally Posted by Caribbean Man View Post
This opinion might be popular or unpopular, but I've been thinking about it for months, and maybe the site moderators and administrators can give some thought to it.

I think TAM needs a new sub forum dealing specifically with domestic violence and spousal abuse victims, and maybe even some external links to other places where professional help and support can be found.

There are many women here who are survivors and I suspect that there are some women here who themselves are presently victims of abuse in some form or another. The stronger women can can help provide crucial support to other unfortunate women who find themselves victims of domestic violence/ abuse.

I sincerely I hope the site moderators and administrators give some thought to it.


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post #2 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-06-2013, 10:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

I want to second CM's suggestion.

There are threads scattered on several different forums dealing with just this topic. We've had helpful people, but I suspect some threads are missed because of where they are located.

I've recommended this website to people that are on other forums and they've found it just as helpful as I have.

Once I did a recommendation for a lady that was dealing with an abusive husband, and she did post to "Relationships and Addiction" since part of it was due to her husband's drinking. It did seem like a forum specifically dealing with her situation would be helpful.
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post #3 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-06-2013, 10:49 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

I also second CM's suggestion. I think it's an excellent idea.

There are many abuse threads on TAM, and a lot of good advice / information has been posted in those threads. It would be great to have all those threads in one place, along with a sticky containing links to helplines / info etc.

I know that there are several abuse survivors on TAM, myself included, who would be more than happy to support abuse victims.

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post #4 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-06-2013, 01:18 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

+1. Excellent idea.

Based on things I read, I suspect there are some abused men who would benefit as well.
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post #5 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-06-2013, 02:47 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

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+1. Excellent idea.

Based on things I read, I suspect there are some abused men who would benefit as well.
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Abuse isn't gender specific, and I have equal empathy and support for any victim, irrespective of gender.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
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post #6 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-07-2013, 08:03 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

In my personal life, and professional life I have experienced the horror of domestic abuse. I have had family members live their whole life with an abuser. It is such a shame that they can't find the strength to leave. I also had to experience a coworker get shot in front of her children by her abuser. Her children are now trying to recover from such a horrible act. I also have tried to help others who just go back and put their children in the hands of the abuser. These children will either be abusers or continue the cycle of abuse.

In the time I have been here at the TAM, there have been many victims and abusers. It will help if there is a one section instead of new threads because some information that can be helpful can be missed. This is a very serious problem in all societies, we need to not only get the word out that there is hope but, also have resources available in one place. Not everyone is internet savvy to find resources if we post them in one place it can make a difference.

In many cases the abuse escalates and can result in homicide. Please consider the seriousness of this request. If we can help even one person, it will be worth it.
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post #7 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-07-2013, 08:04 AM
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If there is such a forum opened, how about making it private too?
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post #8 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-07-2013, 08:13 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

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If there is such a forum opened, how about making it private too?
I understand why it should, but, at the same time taking extra steps to get in the private section might push some people away.

If you notice there are many more guest in the site than registered users. I personally got the help that I needed as a guest by just reading others stories. Also, if the abuser sees any traces of registration such as emails, that can make the situation worse.

this is MHO.
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post #9 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-07-2013, 02:12 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

I have no direct experience with abuse, but I think if such a forum were created, it should be private. Access should be given to those who have a certain amount of posts and maybe even a request made to a moderator for access. On Mothering.com ( a parent/natural living board I used to post on) there's a great abused support group, but access is limited to those who are members of the site and the administrators have to approve each request to join. People are sharing such deeply personal experiences, sometimes in graphic terms, and it's not meant to be seen by those who have a passing curiosity or no direct experience with abuse. Also, if a forum like this were public, it would be easier for the abuser to identify the victim. Making it private would provide more protection to those participating.
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post #10 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-07-2013, 02:22 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

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Originally Posted by mablenc View Post
If you notice there are many more guest in the site than registered users. I personally got the help that I needed as a guest by just reading others stories.
One of the things that mothering.com does on their surviving abuse subforum is to have a folder with all sorts of articles and links that lurkers can read to get help, if they don't want to post and gain admission to the private support group. That might be one option.

Here are the guidelines they use. They limit access to women, but as people have said, victims can be of either gender.

http://www.mothering.com/community/t...and-guidelines

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post #11 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 08:17 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

Just to point out -there may be pluses and minuses to making the forum private.

If it's public - guests can then peruse posts and get advice without posting. However, at the same time, abusive spouses will also be able to easily peruse the posts as a guest as well. Meaning, if there is any advice given about exit plans etc - they may be easily discovered which could be dangerous for the person needing help.

I'm not certain what the solution to that is - but, just thought I'd point to that idea.
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post #12 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 11:42 AM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

I was PM'd on this and I will acknowledge it here.

The mods and site admin discussed this previously.

The consensus was that we were ill-equipped to deal with a forum of that nature. Worse, based upon our experience simply with forums such as CWI, although we would firmly like to believe that only positive, helpful advice and support would be provided by the community, history easily demonstrates that isn't always the case. People could be targeted, or worse if discovered by their abuser could be put squarely at risk.
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post #13 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 12:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Deejo View Post
I was PM'd on this and I will acknowledge it here.

The mods and site admin discussed this previously.

The consensus was that we were ill-equipped to deal with a forum of that nature. Worse, based upon our experience simply with forums such as CWI, although we would firmly like to believe that only positive, helpful advice and support would be provided by the community, history easily demonstrates that isn't always the case. People could be targeted, or worse if discovered by their abuser could be put squarely at risk.
Couldn't you guys at least put some links to websites that can help them, like a locked thread? Kind of feels like turning a blind eye to a situation that occurs mainly in marriages. People come here for marriage issues including domestic abuse. By not providing any structure you are leaving them in the hands of non-experts and scattered post which is doing the same thing you are avoiding.
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post #14 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 01:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

They're here anyway.

Talk About Marriage - Search Results

This would only put them all in one place.
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post #15 of 48 (permalink) Old 08-11-2013, 02:32 PM
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Re: Forum for abuse and abuse survivors

Quote:
Originally Posted by mablenc View Post
Couldn't you guys at least put some links to websites that can help them, like a locked thread? Kind of feels like turning a blind eye to a situation that occurs mainly in marriages. People come here for marriage issues including domestic abuse. By not providing any structure you are leaving them in the hands of non-experts and scattered post which is doing the same thing you are avoiding.
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Not my decision.

If you want to put together a post and request it be stickied, you, or anyone can do that.

We have a women's forum, relationships and addiction, and physical and mental health, I have no interest one way or another if there is another sub-forum. Simply wanted to respond and let you know that it was considered previously and at that time, the decision was not to host a separate forum.
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