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post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 09:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Exactly. LDs threads are constantly bombarded with "well maybe if you try this technique or that". It is not about that. We need ways in which we can work through our resentment as well.

HDs usually think, well if she or he doesn't want sex with me then they don't want it with anybody. Not true. This is what will hurt HDs. Because IRL, many people become LD because the relationship took a wrong turn and the LDs needs stopped being met. Then the person becomes LD towards their spouse, but they may still have a drive. Providing a safe place for LDs to express that will be valuable for HDs.

If they would only know...


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The grass may or may not be greener on the other side, no guarantees, however, the grass is always greener where you water it. - Lila
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post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 09:58 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
FW,

I believe that a clear written policy that is consistently enforced on LD threads - whether or not they are in a sub forum - would make a difference.

If I were drafting such a thing, I might start with:

This place (thread/sub forum) is intended to provide a safe environment for 'lower desire' spouses in a marriage to discuss their challenges.

Honest, constructive feedback and questions from HD folks is welcome.

While many HD spouses are understandably frustrated and angry, this is NOT the place to express that anger via snarky, aggressive or combative posts. The LD posters are here to obtain help and be helpful, they are not an emotional proxy for the partner you are frustrated with.


Violators of this policy will get one warning.
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post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-12-2015, 06:34 AM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

I agree that the warning is needed in the SIM, but I don't see how a separate subsection will offer any "safety" to LD. People go back and forth to all the sections and policing in a separate subsection would be no different than policing in SIM. Doesn't really matter where the discussion seems to be, angry people can say cruel things regardless.
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post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-20-2015, 10:23 AM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

As an admitted LD whose thread was locked due to one poster's bashing and anger, I know I won't go back on SIM until it's a safer place to be. I had put the basher on ignore, but others were still engaged and thus the thread got locked.

Honestly, I was just trying to offer the LD perspective and advice, but I have yet to find any frustrated HD who responded with any kind of "huh, I never thought about it that way" response. Instead, the backlash just gets angrier and angrier.

So, I'll be curious to see if anything is done in this area. It reminds me of another site entirely, one for Nice Guys, where none of the SOs are allowed to post except for a single subforum. I think that you have to get perspectives from those who aren't like you so you can actually learn something. Yes, frustrated HDs should support each other, but as Deejo said, it's time for many to stop complaining and start listening. After all, that's how you learn.
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post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-20-2015, 10:09 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

SM,
You can create a social group - which is accessed by invitation only - if you want a lower intensity environment for this type discussion.




Quote:
Originally Posted by SurpriseMyself View Post
As an admitted LD whose thread was locked due to one poster's bashing and anger, I know I won't go back on SIM until it's a safer place to be. I had put the basher on ignore, but others were still engaged and thus the thread got locked.

Honestly, I was just trying to offer the LD perspective and advice, but I have yet to find any frustrated HD who responded with any kind of "huh, I never thought about it that way" response. Instead, the backlash just gets angrier and angrier.

So, I'll be curious to see if anything is done in this area. It reminds me of another site entirely, one for Nice Guys, where none of the SOs are allowed to post except for a single subforum. I think that you have to get perspectives from those who aren't like you so you can actually learn something. Yes, frustrated HDs should support each other, but as Deejo said, it's time for many to stop complaining and start listening. After all, that's how you learn.
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post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 07:24 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
FW,

I believe that a clear written policy that is consistently enforced on LD threads - whether or not they are in a sub forum - would make a difference.

If I were drafting such a thing, I might start with:

This place (thread/sub forum) is intended to provide a safe environment for 'lower desire' spouses in a marriage to discuss their challenges.

Honest, constructive feedback and questions from HD folks is welcome.


While many HD spouses are understandably frustrated and angry, this is NOT the place to express that anger via snarky, aggressive or combative posts. The LD posters are here to obtain help and be helpful, they are not an emotional proxy for the partner you are frustrated with.


Violators of this policy will get one warning.
Really though, shouldn't this be the standard for any thread/subforum, regardless of the aggrieved party?

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 07:58 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

There are a lot of angry men here who seem to get away with it over and over. I'm not sure why.
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post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-26-2015, 04:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

My original purpose of creating a ld sub forum was so that HD's can see the ld viewpoint. Having a social group will not accomplish this. Lds come to the forums and see the HD viewpoint all of the time, even Getting It posted that it has helped her with her marriage. Would this work the other way around?

A warm body with an erection doesn't make a person loving. - Anon Pink

The grass may or may not be greener on the other side, no guarantees, however, the grass is always greener where you water it. - Lila
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post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-26-2015, 05:03 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
There are a lot of angry men here who seem to get away with it over and over. I'm not sure why.
I'm afraid I have to agree...and I haven't been around that long. The blatant misogyny I've seen so far makes my jaw drop sometimes. I do see it reciprocated as well, but not nearly with the frequency I see some men directing their angst toward women.
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post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-26-2015, 08:13 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Thank you for saying so, MR. I'm shocked by it as well. I never hear men in real life talk about women the way I hear some men at TAM do. I just attribute it to frustration and anger, but it is very sad that the tendency to turn toward misogyny is what these men do with their anger.

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post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-27-2015, 02:00 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

For sure there's still a lot of anger, but I actually have found that TAM is one of the 'safer' sites so far. Some of the other places I've frequented in the past are WAY worse. The level of common decency is one of the reasons I stick around here.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-27-2015, 03:12 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Ugh...I can't even imagine where else you've been then.
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post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-27-2015, 05:22 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Fozzy does make a point. Before I found TAM, I was over on the MMSL forum and it was/is way worse than here. I posted a few times there and then never went back. Any time I see MMSLP mentioned I want to scream. Bunch of fvcking neanderthals over there that have absolutely no clue how to treat a woman (IMO of course) and/or behave like a gentleman around one.
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post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-27-2015, 05:25 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

MR, just for saying that, you are my new favorite poster.
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post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-27-2015, 05:27 PM
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Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

*blushes* aw shucks FW.... *grin*
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