Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum - Talk About Marriage
Suggestion Box Got any suggestions or ideas that might improve this website?

User Tag List

 51Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 11:12 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
techmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,082
Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

i want to propose adding a subsection for LDs in the SIM forum. The recent thread "LDs speak up...." was very enlightening and informative. There are many LD people to lurk on TAM but don't post because they fear backlash and flaming from frustrated HDs. Just as I learned a lot from the HD point of view and how important sex in a long term relationship is to them, they need to learn that LDs do love but we express it differently. We enjoy intimacy and sex, we just don't need it as often as HDs.

I've read posts where LD is synonymous with asexuality, not true.

I've read posts where LDs don't need touch at all, we enjoy touch, just non-sexual touch with no pressure for sex.

These things can be cleared up with this LD subsection. LDs will be free to speak openly about what they like and don't like about sex and feel validated and accepted just as the HDs are. This can be a learning tool for the HDs to use with their LDs spouses.


A warm body with an erection doesn't make a person loving. - Anon Pink

The grass may or may not be greener on the other side, no guarantees, however, the grass is always greener where you water it. - Lila
techmom is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 12:24 PM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10,776
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

I'm all for it, but we can't stop others from posting anywhere, can we? So won't the same people just come in and bash the LD's, no matter where they post?
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 12:40 PM
T&T
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 436
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
I'm all for it, but we can't stop others from posting anywhere, can we? So won't the same people just come in and bash the LD's, no matter where they post?
The one thread where MEM posted a stern warning went well and was a good learning experience.
T&T is offline  
 
post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 12:55 PM
Moderator
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: United States
Posts: 10,288
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

FW,

I believe that a clear written policy that is consistently enforced on LD threads - whether or not they are in a sub forum - would make a difference.

If I were drafting such a thing, I might start with:

This place (thread/sub forum) is intended to provide a safe environment for 'lower desire' spouses in a marriage to discuss their challenges.

Honest, constructive feedback and questions from HD folks is welcome.

While many HD spouses are understandably frustrated and angry, this is NOT the place to express that anger via snarky, aggressive or combative posts. The LD posters are here to obtain help and be helpful, they are not an emotional proxy for the partner you are frustrated with.


Violators of this policy will get one warning.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
I'm all for it, but we can't stop others from posting anywhere, can we? So won't the same people just come in and bash the LD's, no matter where they post?
MEM2020 is online now  
post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 04:22 PM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10,776
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Sounds great! The HD crew will want their own subforum, too though. Is that ok?
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 04:33 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
techmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,082
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Sounds great! The HD crew will want their own subforum, too though. Is that ok?
They already have one it is called SIM, jk.

Seriously though it would only be fair for them to have one too.

A warm body with an erection doesn't make a person loving. - Anon Pink

The grass may or may not be greener on the other side, no guarantees, however, the grass is always greener where you water it. - Lila
techmom is offline  
post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 04:37 PM
T&T
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 436
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Gee, do the MD's get one too?? (Mid drive)
T&T is offline  
post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 04:52 PM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10,776
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

No only the people who want to bash each other may have their own protected areas. People in the middle are just too laid back.
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 05:24 PM
T&T
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 436
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum



Laid back??
T&T is offline  
post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 06:34 PM
Member
 
larry.gray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,384
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

I don't think there needs to be a HD thread. Techmom's joke is true, and further, there isn't much HD bashing.

larry.gray is offline  
post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 06:57 PM
Member
 
larry.gray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,384
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
FW,

I believe that a clear written policy that is consistently enforced on LD threads - whether or not they are in a sub forum - would make a difference.

If I were drafting such a thing, I might start with:

This place (thread/sub forum) is intended to provide a safe environment for 'lower desire' spouses in a marriage to discuss their challenges.

Honest, constructive feedback and questions from HD folks is welcome.

While many HD spouses are understandably frustrated and angry, this is NOT the place to express that anger via snarky, aggressive or combative posts. The LD posters are here to obtain help and be helpful, they are not an emotional proxy for the partner you are frustrated with.
You're a moderator, make it happen

I'd propose that we don't put up a separate forum, but make what is above part of the SIM specific rules that are stickied at the top.

If someone opens a thread with "This is a LD friendly thread" then the rules about not LD bashing should be sternly applied. Most of the threads that techmom and others are complaining about are borderline even under the existing rules. Even without creating special rules, they could be grounds for banning. It just would be nice to have the rules firmly enforced on such threads.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
Violators of this policy will get one warning.
Frankly, I don't think a single warning is needed.
larry.gray is offline  
post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 07:12 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 547
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

I like the idea of a sub forum, but I think strongly enforced rules on the existing ones would be just as effective.
woundedwarrior is offline  
post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 07:36 PM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10,776
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
I don't think there needs to be a HD thread. Techmom's joke is true, and further, there isn't much HD bashing.
True but I was thinking for support from other HD's who were or are in sexless relationships...to share ideas, to vent...without offending LD's. Not that they couldn't contribute, but the HD's who are frustrated and trying to work through things do need a way to talk that stuff out freely. Not that they get bashed, but a lot of things sound like bashing when an HD is just genuinely expressing his or her hurt and frustration.

But I'm not hung up on the idea, it was just a thought.

As an HD woman, I do get bashed a little bit (not directly or personally), but just to talk openly about how sexual I am sometimes gets comments about "all these supposedly HD women who are flaunting" or whatever. It makes some LD people uncomfortable...or for instance, they may think that just because I chime in and say "heck yes I love x,y,z sex act!" that I also mean THEY should like it (or that everyone should) but I don't mean that at all....so we're not really free to speak, either.

I have far more sympathy for the LD group though, just due to the way things play out here.
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 07:40 PM
Member
 
larry.gray's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,384
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

I get where you're going FW... There was just a thread of that nature.

I think one of the things to consider that there is a big difference between venting about your own spouse, and painting a broad brush about "them." Whether the "them" is LD, HD, men, women, betrayed spouses, wayward spouses and so on.
larry.gray is offline  
post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 04-11-2015, 07:44 PM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 10,776
Re: Proposing a LD subsection in the SIM forum

It is just so sad that the angry, bitter posters don't realize how much value they could be getting from "them", whoever "them" is that posts here.

But sometimes people are just too stuck in their bad place to take in that benefit. So I get it.

Yet, there really is a wealth of amazingly useful information here through the diversity of perspective.
Faithful Wife is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome