Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 03:45 AM Thread Starter
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Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

I have been reading Surviving Infidelity and am impressed by their wayward forum which includes stop signs so that original posters only get responses from other wayward spouses.

This protects the adulterous spouse from being dressed down by angry betrayed spouses. A woman who has been called a "wh*re" and "slvt" by her angry husband doesn't need other angry husbands saying much the same. She may want advice and encouragement from a wayward who can help her to empathize with her BH.

On SI's wayward forum there are many threads that TAM covers but usually only from the point of view of the betrayed. This limits the depth of insight. Here are a few examples:

1) On TAM betrayed spouse wonder if they are sexually attractive to the wayward. Are they good enough in bed/exciting?

Reading waywards discuss this frankly amongst themselves gives insight.

2) Trickle truth – how does one wayward who is farther along explain to a newbie why trickle truth can destroy reconciliation?

3) The infamous fog and breaking NC
When a betrayed spouse reads about this from the other side they can better understand the psychological process.

The point with allowing wayward spouses more space on TAM is to improve the members experience.

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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-24-2015, 04:17 AM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

That's very interesting to consider. I think it could be very helpful for some (I also think it has the potential to become a real troll-magnet ). With TAM being so pro-marriage, perhaps that's an area the administrators/mods haven't wanted to delve into (just a guess). I agree it could be very helpful to see both POVs.

Along similar lines, LoveShack has a forum called "The Other Man/Woman" but I could see the potential for that one really turning into a HUGE trigger for some.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-30-2015, 04:54 PM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

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Originally Posted by LongWalk View Post
I have been reading Surviving Infidelity and am impressed by their wayward forum which includes stop signs so that original posters only get responses from other wayward spouses.

This protects the adulterous spouse from being dressed down by angry betrayed spouses. A woman who has been called a "wh*re" and "slvt" by her angry husband doesn't need other angry husbands saying much the same. She may want advice and encouragement from a wayward who can help her to empathize with her BH.

On SI's wayward forum there are many threads that TAM covers but usually only from the point of view of the betrayed. This limits the depth of insight. Here are a few examples:

1) On TAM betrayed spouse wonder if they are sexually attractive to the wayward. Are they good enough in bed/exciting?

Reading waywards discuss this frankly amongst themselves gives insight.

2) Trickle truth – how does one wayward who is farther along explain to a newbie why trickle truth can destroy reconciliation?

3) The infamous fog and breaking NC
When a betrayed spouse reads about this from the other side they can better understand the psychological process.

The point with allowing wayward spouses more space on TAM is to improve the members experience.
If I wanted to read this sh*t, I'd head over to SI or LS and read it there.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-30-2015, 04:57 PM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

The beauty of TAM is that there is something for just about anyone. If one forum doesn't strike your fancy, move along. One is not obliged to read a forum just because it is there.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-01-2015, 07:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

I have looked a LoveShack before. Didn't like it. Surviving Infidelity is different. It most definitely does not support cheating. The basic values are the same as TAM's
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-01-2015, 04:25 PM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-conten...uy_barfing.gif

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-02-2015, 09:25 AM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

I think it's a great idea LongWalk. I completely agree with all of your reasons for suggesting it. I think this lack of participation from way wards makes the single note chorus fail to realize many hard truths, and that's why, maybe, some TAM members seem to be stuck in angry bitter mode.

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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-02-2015, 12:16 PM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

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Originally Posted by Zanne View Post
LongWalk, you make several good points.

The thing is, TAM is a site about marriage and relationships in general. At Surviving Infidelity, infidelity is the focus, so it makes sense to have all parties represented (BTW, I've never been there, but I've heard it mentioned here often, so members do know about it and can seek that forum out if they choose). Love Shack is just trashy, in my view (sorry, only been there once, didn't like it).

There are no rules that waywards cannot post here. It IS tricky though because nobody is going to support an affair, after all this is a forum supporting marriage. And emotions run high in CWI so post at your own risk there. The one and only time I have been banned was for "inciting members" and the ban lasted 90 days. Pretty harsh. So play by the rules and avoid that sub-forum, I say.
Zane, you bring up an excellent points out your thread triggering so many people that's our got banned. But I think if you had been posting in a section for waywards only, those other waywards would have been holding your feet to the fire, not cheering you on.

Secondarily, you were not in the mindset at the time to even accept counsel. You were simply seeking an outlet to voice your thoughts and at the time there was no safe place here at TAM for you to do that.

I don't think BS's are the best people to counsel those having an affair. Or those seeking to R from their affairs, unless they have done significant healing and CWI is like the ER on a Saturday night!

Yes, this place is about supporting marriages and no one is suggesting that having a separate section for waywards only would morph into a section on how to cheat and get away with it.

There have been several waywards who've posted and been chased away by the viscious bitterness of some of the betrayeds. It's like tossing a meaty bone into a pack of wild dogs. But if TAM had a wayward only section, those who haven't ventured far down the path to healing can stay out. Those who have taken a few steps to heal might be well served to read a bit.

CWI is supposed to be about COPING, which includes healing, growing and even moving on. But it is largely a place where people go and get stuck and very few come out. At least from what I've seen. So having a separate section might even help those who are stuck because the gentle pressure to do healing work would be a natural by product of interacting with waywards who would like to safely help heal.

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry

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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-03-2015, 01:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

The Surviving Infidelity wayward section/sub forum is not about empowering cheating. It states clearly that the purpose is aid people trying to end their affairs, succeed at reconcilation or divorce successfully.

Surviving Infidelity limits access to their sleuthing sub forum. You have to pay to learn from their Weightlifters and Gus P's.

They also have a thread on STD that in ongoing.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-03-2015, 05:10 PM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

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Zane, you bring up an excellent points out your thread triggering so many people that's our got banned. But I think if you had been posting in a section for waywards only, those other waywards would have been holding your feet to the fire, not cheering you on.

Secondarily, you were not in the mindset at the time to even accept counsel. You were simply seeking an outlet to voice your thoughts and at the time there was no safe place here at TAM for you to do that.

I don't think BS's are the best people to counsel those having an affair. Or those seeking to R from their affairs, unless they have done significant healing and CWI is like the ER on a Saturday night!

Yes, this place is about supporting marriages and no one is suggesting that having a separate section for waywards only would morph into a section on how to cheat and get away with it.

There have been several waywards who've posted and been chased away by the viscious bitterness of some of the betrayeds. It's like tossing a meaty bone into a pack of wild dogs. But if TAM had a wayward only section, those who haven't ventured far down the path to healing can stay out. Those who have taken a few steps to heal might be well served to read a bit.

CWI is supposed to be about COPING, which includes healing, growing and even moving on. But it is largely a place where people go and get stuck and very few come out. At least from what I've seen. So having a separate section might even help those who are stuck because the gentle pressure to do healing work would be a natural by product of interacting with waywards who would like to safely help heal.
AP,
Your posts, all over TAM, have been knocking 'em outta the ballpark, lately. IMHfWSO

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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-03-2015, 06:45 PM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

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AP,
Your posts, all over TAM, have been knocking 'em outta the ballpark, lately. IMHfWSO
Well thank you! What the hell does IMHFWSO mean?

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry

"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-03-2015, 07:00 PM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

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Well thank you! What the hell does IMHFWSO mean?
It's "IMHfWSO," not "IMHFWSO."

It means "In My Humble former Wayward Spouse Opinion."
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-03-2015, 07:54 PM
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Re: Welcoming wayward spouses on TAM because it takes two

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It's "IMHfWSO," not "IMHFWSO."

It means "In My Humble former Wayward Spouse Opinion."
Shouldn't it be:

IMFWSO

"Some women are blessed with multi-orgasmic ability for a reason and I'm damn sure not going to waste a blessing" ~FrenchFry

"Vaginas are tricky creatures." ~Lucy999
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