08-15-2011, 08:19 AM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Henniker, the only one on Earth
| | Re: why no section for abuse?????
I had thought about that myself but came to the conclusion that staying in an abusive relationship once you realize it is abusive is the same as self-destructive behavior. Having a section on abuse in a marriage forum, the way I feel, is that it would be the same as having a section on blaming others for your own actions/decisions.
I do think that there should be a sticky somewhere with links to sites that educate people about abuse. I started marriage counseling and right away was told I was in an abusive marriage. Actually it took two go rounds, the first therapist was too blunt and so I got angry at her and she got re-assigned. LOL. The second one was more subtle. So I was able to look at my contribution to the escalating abuse and getting sucked into the quicksand of diminishing self-esteem and functional disablement. Somehow I woke up after I'd had quite enough when H was home on leave, actually a couple months after and then I just decided to leave and since then I look back and think WTF was I thinking. I should have not taken back his ring the times I gave it back to him pre-marriage when I had had enough, they were little things that triggered those instances but honestly, the situations were controlling, and the bigger things I buried probably intentionally because it was easier on me to believe his version of our relationship than mine. Ugh. Never again.
So that is my feeling on abuse. I think there should be educational links but also things like self-esteem and functional assistance like budgeting and logistical issues of leaving a relationship or putting bullies in their place early on in relationships (i.e. in the dating section).