Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Re: The Most Toxic Forum In Existence
As a senior here and moderator for 8 years there is truth in what he says, however I would never label the forum as toxic. The community has always been divided as to how to deal with a troubled marriage, adultery, sexless relationships.... The pendulum has swung back and forth over the years between dealing with issues with an air of caution or a hardline position. I hope it always does as in general it seems to be self leveling. But most who come here, come during the worst days of their lives, broken, lost, beaten down and searching for anything that might help them solve their burdens, including my self. No matter the circumstances they should be treated with respect if they are here looking for help.
It can be a fine line between tough love and bullying, true empathy and mere wrist patting. It is up to the member in need, to determine the path between those four pillars. To separate the wheat from the chafe and determine the best course to either solve the marital problems or move on with their lives. My advice to all coming here in need is to do that. Look at all the advice given and give it all true consideration, even thou some will cut against the grain of your heart or mind. Once you have determined your strategy follow that direction but be aware, it may not be correct and you may have to reboot it at some point. There are many here with different approaches, theories and backgrounds. There is also a huge amount of sage that should be considered and respected.
Is TAM toxic, hardly. TAM was one of the great sources of information and strength that helped guide me through my darkest days. Surpassed only by my faith. The same forces of TAM were at work back then. Hardliners that told me to expose, kick her to the curb and what not. Others that helped me learn patience and focus on the long game. In the end, once I had determined what I needed to do I paid heed to those that gave me the most support and guidance. The original inner circle of mods. Of the six of us, two were BSs and two were WSs. During a reconciliation that took three and a half years, they provided me with the support I needed and the tough love I needed to hear. Also the encouragement to change the strategy when it was necessary, including when I informed her, I was ready to divorce. Had I not found TAM it would be doubtful that my wife and I would be celebrating 32 years together this spring.
My heartfelt thanks to TAM, its members and its focus to help those who find themselves in a place they never thought they'd be. A special shout out to the original inner circle that has all but vanished. Thanks Chris and Jen for the creation of TAM and all your support. And to the original mods who made such a difference for me. M22, Leaha, Swede and Drac (RIP).
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp
Last edited by Amplexor; 01-29-2016 at 10:22 AM.