FirstYearDown

I have read the forum rules and I am still not clear on some things.

I am concerned that my questions may be viewed as "inciting". I can assure the moderators that these are things I am honestly confused about.

There are a few people that have been banned for simply challenging a moderator's actions. I am confused as why this is considered a reason to kick someone out of the forum??

What is so wrong with asking why something was deleted or standing up for oneself if that person feels that the moderator was wrong? I just don't get it.

I have also noticed that some members can get away with saying some very nasty and hurtful things, while others cannot. Is it based on how much the moderators like certain members?

Thankfully, I have never been banned. I try to be as nice as possible as long as people are kind to me and other members I care about. My pet peeve is those who think that everyone lives just like them, when everyone has their own unique challenges and circumstances.

For example...if someone posts about their fat spouse, I would NEVER be presumptious enough to immediately say that the spouse is just lazy. I am smart enough to know that there are medical issues or medication that can cause weight gain; there are also mobility issues that impede exercise.

If a member posts about commuting issues, it would be very silly of me to respond with "Just take your car!" We may have a vehicle but that doesn't mean everyone else does.

Amplexor

Unfortunately the general forum, many times, does not see the infraction that gets some one banned. Insulting, racist, sexist, homophobic or just plan rude posts are deleted from sight of the members. Occasionally a post that is an infraction is left up to let the forum see why the ban took place. In some cases the mods are insulted or even threatened via PM. As a group we try to be as objective as possible but are not perfect. Like everyone we are sometimes grumpy or in less of a tolerant mood. That's just the way it is. General use of common sense in posting will keep members out of trouble.

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Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

FirstYearDown

How horrible that mods are actually threatened! That is sickening.

Now it makes sense...the offending posts are deleted.

Thanks for the answer.

Chris H.

The main thing that gets people banned is probably name-calling and personal attacks. We have zero tolerance for that because it destroys the supportive environment we try to keep here.

Rudeness is a huge grey area. Like Amp said, none of us are perfect. I have had to apologize in the past, myself, for being too short, or rude with a member. We just need to deal with it on a case by case basis.

Sometimes we give people warnings and make a note on their account. If I go to give someone a warning, and see they have already been warned a few times in the past, I give them a short term ban instead. So that's an example of why something that seemed like a borderline post, might actually get someone banned.

Also, not all bans are permanent. Some are short (3-7 days), and some longer or permanent depending on the circumstances.

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Almostrecovered

I better stop calling amp an old fart

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Jellybeans

There are a few people on here right now that are off the hook/rude. And they have done personal attacks/stated them and continue to post. It's disconcerting.

Chris H.

If you see a personal attack, please report the post.

Admittedly, sometimes people report posts and we don't ban the person if we don't feel it was blatant enough. Sometimes, "calling someone out" on their inconsistencies can be seen as a personal attack, but I usually wait to see how it develops if the person had a good point. Personal attacks are really more about attacking someone's character rather than a disagreement or being argumentative.

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PBear

Huh... I would have thought it was like slander, and truth would be your defense...

C
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Amplexor

Made another note on your account AR.

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Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp

Almostrecovered

ooh ooh!! let me see the notes!! I demand transparency!!

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Catherine602

It seems that a great deal of latitude is given to people who are in pain and lash out and rightfully so. This is a place were they can express anger that has no other outlet. Sometimes they can get pretty bad but it is a reflection of their lives.

I know who they are but I would hate to see them banned. It may help to ask the person what is going on with them to make them so rude.

I have been banned more than once and had some post removed. It is a learning curve, how to express pain without blaming and hurting the innocent people around you. Banning and diappearing post makes you question the quality of communication in your personal life. No one can ban you or erase what you say but they react in ways that impact negatively on the relationship.

I've learned so much here and I am greatful for that.
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Almostrecovered

I don't think JB is referring to the newly betrayed

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that_girl

I love this thread.

Old fart. lol I bought my dad a mug that said that.

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PBear

Honestly, I'm surprised I haven't been banned yet... Feeling a little ignored.

C
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Jellybeans

PB, I see no reason you'd be banned. You always keep your emotions out of it and generally have great and respectful advice.

I think that feeling hurt doesn't warrant people lashing out at others, especially when done on a personal level. It goes against forum rules & isn't helpful or supportive.

It's disrespectful and unproductive.

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