Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-27-2012, 05:00 PM Thread Starter
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Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

Pretty obvious the attitudes of each are complete polar opposite. I just thought it might be useful to have separate catagories for those who have been cheated on and those who have cheated. When I read posts about one and read responses from the other, they usually get pretty inflammatory as the two sides will never agree on anything.

I know nothing will prevent anyone from responding even if there are separate, but at least it would steer like-minded people into helping each other.

Thanks.

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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-27-2012, 05:06 PM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

If a WS comes in here and is truly remorseful and looking for help and advice then as a BS I am more than happy to give it. I think they are quite brave coming onto a forum that is so obviously pro marriage. They know its gonna be tough here. If they can take the rough with the smooth then that shows they are at least willing to learn and understand what they need to do to help their BS.
Afterall who better to ask than a BS?
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-28-2012, 08:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

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Originally Posted by daisygirl 41 View Post
Afterall who better to ask than a BS?
I have to disagree a little. Yes it's good to talk to a BS to help save your marriage, but it's always good to talk to people who have walked in your shoes that can truly relate.

I'm not saying BS's shouldn't post on a WS category or vice-versa, just a common place for those of like-situations to do the primary discussion with each other.

Anyways....just a thought.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-30-2012, 01:56 PM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

The way its set up, you get a wide variety of viewpoints , which is great.When a cheater comes here, I think it helps them understand the hurt they have caused their spouse from other spouses who are suffering from a different prospective..........but you have an interesting idea
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-30-2012, 02:57 PM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

I like it the way it is. I can just imagine cheaters who aren't remorseful giving other cheaters advice

Besides, anyone can post anywhere on here - there'd be no sense in it. I can't stand forums with all kinds of rules about who can post what where.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-10-2013, 09:23 AM
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The way its set up, you get a wide variety of viewpoints , which is great.When a cheater comes here, I think it helps them understand the hurt they have caused their spouse from other spouses who are suffering from a different prospective..........but you have an interesting idea
Cheaters (like me) can offer some insight into the "why", which everyone (includIng us) cannot understand.

Our reasoning never justifies what we've done, but does provide a snapshot into our mind.
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-10-2013, 09:49 AM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

I think separating out cheaters into their own safe area kind of endorses the cheating and the cheaters. It offers them isolation and protection just like the used to enable their affairs.

It's also creates a support system for those who want to keep doing it. Zones full of other cheaters giving t hem support, and words of kindness and justification for what they are doing.

I think that site just closed its doors.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-10-2013, 09:53 AM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

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Originally Posted by BeachGuy View Post
Pretty obvious the attitudes of each are complete polar opposite. I just thought it might be useful to have separate catagories for those who have been cheated on and those who have cheated. When I read posts about one and read responses from the other, they usually get pretty inflammatory as the two sides will never agree on anything.

I know nothing will prevent anyone from responding even if there are separate, but at least it would steer like-minded people into helping each other.

Thanks.
I think it's the like minded cheaters that should very much not be enabled or supported.

The cheaters who come here and actually want to not cheat and to fix their marriage actually get a lot of support.

The cheaters who come her looking for justification and validation for their choice to cheat, we'll not so much support.

The cheaters who come her telling lies and half truths to deceive their BS that they really are remorseful (aka AllyBabe) and are instead offering false R, well fortunately the people on this board are very good at smelling a rat.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2013, 05:28 AM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

Hi

It's not a bad idea.

I often wonder about the background/factors/"whys" which eventually gave rise to individual As.

As we all know that not all As are the same. There are different kinds of As e.g. LTR, short ones etc and people's age group, length of marriage, personal belief system and many other factors would need to taken into account.

Perhaps, separating the two, people may be able to discuss things far more openly without feeling judged?
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 06:21 PM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

This has been proposed and discussed previously.

And I can tell you unequivocally, it isn't going to happen.

Separate sections would only create more polarization, and bitterness.

Everybody gets a voice. How they use it and what they have to say is another matter.

Betrayed spouses that provoke, or attack waywards get banned.

Waywards that incite strife, or promote infidelity get banned.

It's an imperfect balance. But it is the balance that shall remain.

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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-17-2013, 06:37 PM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

I think TAM's format is fine. The majority of the "repentent" WS's who have come here have been more than forthcoming about what they did, and I have learned greatly from them.

Like Deejo said, to do this would truly polarize a large segment of folks here.

If someone wants to come on here and glorify infidelity, then they are fair game. Let's just say that if that's their main goal, then there's always that other scurilous website that they can go to where they can truly offer up glorification to the merits of their adultery until the cows come home!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 06-11-2013, 11:37 AM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

I think I have changed my mind about this. I propose that a separate and hidden section be created for cheaters to post in, and that the CWI regulars have to approve that they be let loose on the rest of the board, because the crop of WS's that has shown up lately sound like they belong on AM or DC or some other site that caters to people who wish to cheat and not be found out. I find myself typing things that I KNOW will get me banned if I post them, and hitting the back button to avoid the ban. I just do not want to see more long time valued members lost to the site, because of a rash statement or two made to someone who really doesn't belong on a site for people trying to improve their marriages.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 06-11-2013, 04:55 PM
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

TAM doesn't exactly need to be like some of those other websites that glorifies infidelity and tells you how to get away with it. TAM is a perfect mix of well-balanced people who for the most part know the difference between ethical and unethical. We're all basically here to help each other out with our respective, painful social situations, plain and simple!

Please keep TAM the way that it is: And if I should ever say something that I need my fat butt called out for, so be it! And if someone else says something that I feel like they need their butt called out for, I'll be more than happy to oblige ~ but hopefully in a caring but gentlemanly manner!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 06-26-2013, 11:11 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Separate sections for cheaters vs. cheatee's

Just seems like the majority lump all cheaters into one of two buckets; either remorseful and wants help, or not remorseful and wants to continue cheating. There are so many variables to peoples stories that are never told or understood.

I don't fit in either.
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