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Listing of Banned Members and when ban will be lifted?

271K views 3K replies 163 participants last post by  Deejo 
#1 ·
Could you put an alphabetic listing of members who are currently under 'ban' and on what date their ban would be lifted?

When a buddy is banned, it's impossible to tell if it's a 24-hour, a week, or a permanent ban.


Thanks for considering!
 
#1,592 ·
Clipclop, until recently, Regret has not shown any real anger. When did that start? From what I have seen, it was when some started attacking her. When attacked, I don't know many who wouldn't lash out. I know I have, and it was in regard to other subjects, not just infidelity.

You mentioned the whole trust issue, due to Regret being a fWW. Sorry, but I have made quite a few friends here, many BS, and they are aware I am a fWW. Regret and I have been here almost the same amount of time, and she's a hell of a lot nicer than I am. So I don't buy that as the excuse for how she has been treated lately. No, too many ARE bitter, and DO lash out at those who WERE unfaithful to their spouses. And it isn't because of anything the fWS said or did. It has been SOLELY because of that scarlet "A" on their chests.

Yes, clipclop, everyone has to put up with SOME garbage. But no one has the right to constantly sling sh*t at anyone because of how someone else treated him or her. So, no, the way some have treated Regret in recent months/weeks is most certainly NOT fair. I've said it before, but can't remember if it was on the board or in PM to others (including BSs who listen, rather than throw stones at the mere mention of infidelity). The only one whose opinion matters as far as Regret's situation is Dig. The only one who matters for me is my husband, etc. Anyone else is superfluous.
 
#1,594 ·
Regret, you are a unique voice on TAM. Please do not let the negativity of others still it. TAM is good place to practice not taking things personally, and when that becomes impossible, you can log off and let the knuckle-draggers blather on without you.
 
#1,596 · (Edited)
I'm telling you my perceptions based on years on this site.

I think it very odd that I am sharing these thoughts and being called judgmental for raising the word trust and yet I support several of the former waywards. The short memories some people have If not every word is supportive of things being the way that some people want them to be.

I didn't create this world, I merely describe it.

I'm not being passive aggressive. I am being straight up.

Mrs and Mr JA were some of the only "friends" I had on this site and only recently removed them because they asked me to after they were banned.

The ability to read for meaning has been lost because there are preconceived beliefs cast on to what I've written purely based on emotion.
 
#1,598 ·
The second thread was asking for trouble not running away from it. I just don't get that.

It is simple to block people.

Why argue when some people will never open up their minds to other ideas?

And quite honestly, that I was automatically lumped with Vellocet because I felt the second thread was out of line tells me that both sides are very guilty.

The Waywards that gained respect earned it. Because of the constant influx of newly injured betrayed spouses a wayward faces an uphill battle. They aren't ready to hear the other side and you can't blame them. Their pain is too raw.

Look, you can't force people to like you or listen to you. And going to a place where you know the message isn't going to be received well means you have to be ready to accept the backlash. That is just life. You don't have to take it. You can leave or keep a lower profile.

Since you can't help anyone if you leave a lower profile seems like a better choice.

I don't know what Regret wants. I just know that you can't expect a bunch of hurt people to give you what you want because you want it.

And they are hurt. Bitter is a loaded word. It is as aggressive a word as you can use in this case.

If a wayward who had not accepted the pain they put on their spouse called a BS bitter you must admit that it would provoke some ire. Having a FORMER wayward use the same word is hurtful because as a FORMER WW you should know better.

Empathy.

I don't know. It just seems foolish and self centered to think you should be embraced because you want to be embraced rather than allowing people the right to choose.

I have more than a few non-fans here. Nothing I can do about it. They are allowed to have their opinions.
 
#1,602 ·
The second thread was asking for trouble not running away from it.
Yea the second thread shouldn't have used a banned poster as the example. The first thread was just too many pages of OP agitating people to keep the thread alive. And your single comment I didn't agree with by it's self is pretty insignificant anyway. I erased my quote because it felt like you where getting piled up on enough :(.
 
#1,599 ·
I think ClipClop showed that she was reading Regret accurately and the response she drew opened up an honest discussion. Regret may or may not have the strength and interest to keep posting. That is her choice.

The other day I posted a link to a former WH blog on infidelity. The writer has over a million hits. Why? He is a good writer who looks at things from all angles. He present affair histories that illustrated how relationships are perceived. He came to TAM to look around because TAM generated over 7,000 hits in a day, surpassing his previous record of over 5,000.

His opinion of TAM was that BS did not want to release their hold on bitterness and this would cost some their marriages.

Recovering from infidelity requires give and take. HappyMan always points out that it takes two to reconcile. Regret and Dig worked together and used TAM as a tool.

One of the obvious points is that although a BS needs to be able to give their WS a bit of hell, the anger payback must peter out or there is no marriage of equals. One of dogmas of TAM is that WS must confess. But look at Tears and Un_Amor_Perdido.

Tears doesn't post anymore.

In March Un_Amor_Perdido said that she had to tell someone. In her last post she wrote:

I’m doing pretty good. Things between me and hubby are also getting better. We have been spending more with each other and as a family so that’s. Both me and him plan to spend today together I invited him to go with me to Ezoo and he said say. He’s actually going pick me up soon I’m really excited about it since we haven’t really spent a whole day together since he moved out. We are still going through the separation though but we are talking more and we see each other more too. I’m still hoping to be able reconcile with at some point and now I feel like that really want happen. It’s just going take a while and I’m fine with that i just really want him home again.
Maybe the turmoil of their separation could have been avoided if she had taken a different route.
 
#1,601 ·
He writes very well, but there is bitterness in his words as well. The most interesting aspect is way-wards, by virtue of their punishment, rarely see their own bitterness.
They don't get that help.
There is really good advice in the reconciliation thread and many active threads. This generalization is off base. The signal to noise ratio is bad, the help can be extremely good.
 
#1,603 · (Edited)
signi the entitlement that I'm talking about is not about waywards asking for help. any wayward who hangs around long enough gets support. the reconciliation thread isn't what it is because all waywards are run off.

and like I said you can easily put on ignore the people who get on your nerves regularly.

as far as TAM needing big black box warnings I think that if you're an adult and you've been around the internet I think you know that not everyone is going to agree with you and some people going to be darned abusive in their disagreement. the mods are not afraid to ban people. so use the tools at your disposal.

we all know that there is a faction here that get off on circling the wagons around the betrayed spouse and they eat up every interaction the BS has where they put the wayward in their place. and sometimes they provide some really lousy advice just because they want to provoke an outcome. they live vicariously.

perceptive adults can see through this.

so in general I don't get the requirement for the comment about not having warnings on TAM about this or that. We're adults are we not?

what I'm hearing is another way of complaining that the world isn't fair.

it isn't.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#1,605 · (Edited)
as far as she am meeting big black box warnings I think that if you're an adult and you've been around the internet thank you know that not everyone is going to agree with you and some people going to be darned abusive in there disagreement. the mods are not afraid to ban people. so use the tools at your disposal.

we all know that there is a faction here so get off on circling the wagons around the betrayed spells and day eat up every interaction the BS has where they put the wayward in their place. and sometimes they provide some really lousy advice just because they want to provoke an outcome. they live vicariously.

perceptive adults can see through this.



it isn't.
Posted via Mobile Device
There are multiple factions with specific people who get off on the abuse. Otherwise, I agree with your post.
 
#1,607 ·
over20 seems to have been perma banned. I am sorry about that. She's from the same state that I grew up in. She liked TAM a lot. Had a lot of friends. She took the personal conflicts on TAM very seriously. She was a social and political conservative and she felt that placed her in dangerous situation on TAM.

When she got in fights I tried to put a word for her, just so that she wouldn't feel so all alone here on this forum with so many thousands of members. She used to PM me back and express gratitude. She was an earnest person. I am sure the banning hurt.
 
#1,609 ·
My interest is always at least slightly piqued upon seeing "Banned" underneath someone's name, and even more so when I'm unable to readily find the offense for which said person was banned. The mods are usually pretty quick to clean stuff up (especially if it's particularly offensive), but I always find myself wondering if perhaps there happened to be something like an inappropriate PM behind the ban.

Anyway, that's not meant to be commentary on any specific ban... just sort of "thinking out loud", I guess.
 
#1,619 ·
So is Caribbean Man perma banned or not? I hope not. I, like Gus, have to admit that bannings totally intrigue me. I use to think that the last post displayed, or maybe a few posts before the last was what got them banned, which left me thinking WTH? Then I realized that the bannable post is usually deleted, which heightens the intrigue even more for me.
 
#1,620 · (Edited)
Okay then, since the other thread was deleted, I will repost that I miss Lyris, Wysh and Davelli. They were smart, sharp as a tack and funny as hell! When all three of them were in a thread, that thread was going to explode with insights, delivered with a touch of snark and a good bit of humor. I think they were assets to TAM and this place just isn't the same with out them!

And Almost Recovered. You know why I like you so much AR? Your humor is just like my late brother's. Always sarcastic, always sharp, always outside the box. My brother pissed me off SOOO many times by making fun of me but when his antics were directed at someone else, you'd have to be a brick not to laugh. My brother could be a d!ckhead sometimes but he was a damn good big brother all in all.
 
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