Create folder for LD/HD threads? - Talk About Marriage
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View Poll Results: Should LD/HD issue threads go into a separate sub-forum?
Yes, please! 9 60.00%
No, the threads may receive less attention in a separate folder 6 40.00%
Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

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  • 1 Post By moco82
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2013, 11:57 AM Thread Starter
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Create folder for LD/HD threads?

It seems the majority of threads harp on the same topic that's been covered a thousand times over: a high-drive spouse complaining about inability to have a gratifying sex life with a low-drive spouse. Perhaps those should be posted to a sub-forum so that other topics don't drown in a sea of LD/HD complaints?

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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2013, 01:51 PM
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

Good idea

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ; courage to change the thing I can ; and wisdom to know the difference !
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2013, 02:07 PM
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

My question to you then is, who is going to deem or classify someone's problem or question as rooted in an LD vs. HD situation, and then be the arbiter and move them off into a separate forum where they won't bother anyone with a problem they have heard a thousand times before?

I have seen threads here asking about a wide variety of questions with the POSSIBLE root problem as an LD spouse. Even lack of intimacy outside the bedroom (hugging, kissing) can involve an LD spouse. If you look on the "Sex in Marriage" forum board now, there are questions involving marital affairs, blowjobs, initiating sex, sleepwear choices, initiating sex, no longer finding a spouse attractive, etc. All of which can be traced back to an LD spouse.

I don't think you can diagnose a specific topic as not having roots in LD vs. HD, unless the thread creator knows and wants to discuss his or her problem with those specifics in mind.

Some new people to TAM don't even know what LD or HD means, or is for that matter. They just know they are having a problem in their marriage and can't put a finger on it.
I know I didn't until I came here looking to see if anyone else felt the way I did.

My answer is if you don't want to read another thread involving HD or LD problems, don't click on the thread.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2013, 03:27 PM
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Create folder for LD/HD threads?

Maybe we need a "theory" section, an "applications" section, and a "remediation" section (the last one for LD / HD)...
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2013, 07:40 PM
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

I've said this in a post before, LDs get chased off of this forum because of all the HDs who then attack that person when they are asking for help. Statements like, "just give it up" or "stop being selfish" are not helpful. I think there needs to be a LD section where LD people can be helped by people who were former LDs and "found the light". These are people who can understand how the resentments or just daily living can take a toll on sex drive.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2013, 08:15 PM
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Create folder for LD/HD threads?

Considering how few such instances of seeing said light are on TAM the "enlightened LD" group would be quite the lonely place

The benefit of a single group even if it is a pain to read is that no specific point of view gets validated. In my brief exposure to TAM über HD's expecting daily 50 Shades sex have been chastised just as much as the rare persistent vegetative state LD's asking about condom expiration dates

Lets face it, the one group that should be reading the group is not...
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2013, 10:20 PM
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

I have seen threads here asking about a wide variety of questions with the POSSIBLE root problem as an LD spouse
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2013, 10:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

Batman, posters are usually invited to self-categorize their post. So my thoughts were more along the line that blatant LD/HD ranting would be moved to the LD/HD sub-forum by moderators, if not placed there by the OP.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-15-2013, 01:41 AM
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

Quote:
Originally Posted by moco82 View Post
Batman, posters are usually invited to self-categorize their post. So my thoughts were more along the line that blatant LD/HD ranting would be moved to the LD/HD sub-forum by moderators, if not placed there by the OP.
I agree with that in theory. However, I would hate to see someone's legitimate question or curiosity about a sexual subject thrown into that sub-category immediately because they are known to have an LD spouse.

I agree that some people are using their initial HD/LD thread as if it were a blog, and posting daily updates.
I have seen threads that started months, if not years ago and are over 15 pages long now.

I for example posted my first thread here, not knowing anything about LD vs. HD, received some great insights and let the thread drop out of sight, and have since started new threads, raising other questions that I have been curious about.
Would me and my new questions be sent over to the sub-category because my wife is suffering from LD?

Last edited by Batman4691; 07-15-2013 at 01:45 AM.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-15-2013, 07:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

True, it's more nuanced. Can every issue in an LD/HD marriage be blamed back onto the unsynchronized temperaments? "Wife likes doggy-style, I don't" probably isn't; the reverse may be... Detail-oriented moderators would be needed.

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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-15-2013, 07:57 AM
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

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Originally Posted by techmom View Post
I've said this in a post before, LDs get chased off of this forum because of all the HDs who then attack that person when they are asking for help. Statements like, "just give it up" or "stop being selfish" are not helpful. I think there needs to be a LD section where LD people can be helped by people who were former LDs and "found the light". These are people who can understand how the resentments or just daily living can take a toll on sex drive.
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I agree with techmom. There seem to be way more HD people here than LD people. And there is very little sympathy (certainly no chance to vent) for LD people.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-15-2013, 08:06 AM
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

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Considering how few such instances of seeing said light are on TAM the "enlightened LD" group would be quite the lonely place
I think LD people (not just enlightened LD people) should have a chance to vent too. HD people who complain they are not getting sex from a spouse are given lots of sympathy, told to "man up" and/or divorce.

LD people who complain they are never in the mood are told they are selfish and/or abnormal. There are SO many reasons for LD (other than the pat selfishness answer) that some people on this forum do not seem to understand.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-15-2013, 10:39 AM
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Create folder for LD/HD threads?

I have not been on TAM for very long but I do not recall very many LD's venting frustration or discussing their latest adventures, period.

Come to think of it, if they're happy with what they have what would be their reason for coming here?

If you follow my "evil" or "stupid" philosophy the "stupid" will have no idea that LD can causing serious issues in a marriage and will likely show up on the divorce or infidelity board right at the two minute warning; the "evil", while much more aware of the implications of their choices, will not budge simply because changing their view means losing ground, and will likely face the trip to the other boards just as quickly.

So, the remaining two groups will dominate the board, namely HD or ND people dealing with an LD, or the occasional "enlightened" LD or even more rare "acknowledged" LD.

Kindly notice the quotes around my terminology - no intent to offend anyone.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-06-2013, 12:15 PM
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Re: Create folder for LD/HD threads?

I think it's a great idea. Just like other specialized topics, maybe the mods could create a sub-forum in sex forum dealing with this specific topic. And I think the mods are wise enough to tell the difference between a post with a bunch of different topics vs one dealing solely with this issue.

I vote yes.

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"Dude, stop saying 'no.' If your wife offers you a quickie in the back of a moving van, you say "YES!"
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