Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

How would you interpret this?

5K views 60 replies 20 participants last post by  NextTimeAround 
#1 ·
I am VP of a local chapter of a larger volunteer organization. A committee is being formed to develop a chapter in a neighboring city.

The President of my chapter wrote me this in an e-mail:

"I'm pretty sure you'll be interested in helping with this outreach. Just give me the green light and I'll make sure you stay in the loop and can join us when we get to some concrete actions."

How would you interpret this?
 
#2 ·
Simply that he/she expects that you will want to help out, and is mildly pressuring you to say yes. If not, now is the time to set the record straight.
 
#3 ·
I am not sure of what the meaning is but I do know what my response would be:

"At the end of the day it would be a no-brainer and involve us thinking completely outside the box in order to, going forward, achieve 110% a win-win situation and will be on my radar, flagging up at the close of play for me to touch base with you. Suffice it to say that the ensuing paradigm shift will have me beside myself, jumping out of my skin to square the circle, if you get my drift."
 
#5 ·
A. "I anticipate--and welcome--your interest; we're not quite organized yet, but let me get you on board right away."

B. "I anticipate--and dread--your involvement; let me put you off with superficial business-speak until we're safely past the stage where you could influence anything vital."

Flip a coin... I'd look to prior interactions with this person for context.
 
#9 ·
This is how I responded:

"You mention "I'll make sure you stay in the loop and can join us when we get to some concrete actions." Who is "we"? And does this mean my input is not welcomed on this matter? I would like to contribute to the planning in addition to carrying out the activities."

Would you say that my response was proportional or psycho?
 
#13 ·
Thanks for that. My husband said that it sounds accusatory and I should apologise. I told him I would do nothing of the sort.

Last fall, our chapter did 2 events, all on my effort. She tried to block my efforts by creating excuses like all 5 of the officers had to be able to attend; she wanted to choose the venue and then sat on the decision for 3 weeks and so on....... I hd to point out to her that from a regional seminar, chapters were expected to have at least one monthly activity....... so she loosened the reins.

Ergo, If I had not been here, the chapter would have had no activities. Our chapter is fairly new and while we have database of about 300, we had uncontested elections last spring.

She must be good friends with whomever is heading up this country committee.

she called me today and I called her back. Hopefully, we'll speak today.

There are a couple of other things that we need to talk about, but of the above I think I'll say:

"I don't feel comfortable doing work for a committee that won't have me as member."

I actually think that the "offer" she made me was insulting and I wonder what went into that thought process.
 
#15 ·
She or someone in the group doesn't like you and therefore doesn't want you in on the planning meetings. But they will put you to work after the decisions have been made because it will be fun to give orders to you.

I think your response was fine.

As the VP why are there any activities going on without your knowledge?
Generally, it's a worldwide organization so there's a lot going at any one time. However, on this occasion since it does deal specifically with expanding the chapter / area that we are in, I do find it insulting that this is the offer "they" give me instead of giving me a seat at the table.

One thought I have is, why mention this at all. Why not plan stuff and then try to bring me in at the end to do the heavy lifting / stuff they don't want to do.

If things don't improve on this matter, I may take this up to a higher level and ask whether this is the way this organization wants to treat their volunteers.
 
#16 ·
The wonderful thing about being a volunteer is that if they try to mistreat you, you can tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine, without having to worry about how you are going to pay your bills. Good job not letting them guilt you into anything!
 
#17 ·
My wife was elected president of our grade school PTO a number of years ago. The school had about 350 kids so there were a lot of people involved in the organization. Not all of them knew how to behave professionally, though most did.

The prior president was such a lousy leader that the treasurer was able to embezzle over $20,000 under her nose over the course of a couple of years.

All meetings should be open to all members.
All books should be open to all members.

A few years later, we joined the high school marching band parents organization. That was another clique of unprofessional parents running an organization for the benefit of their friends and family.

It takes a strong president to run a good organization.
 
#18 · (Edited)
She has either

a) read an encyclopedia of buzzwords or is using a random buzzword generation program.

and/or

b) Just completed an online course on how to sound like a manager without really saying anything.

Either way that was passive aggressive and patronizing.

The way I read that is that she and others will set the boundaries and guidelines without any input from you and then inform you with a "make it so" kind of email so that it is entirely in your hands if problems occur and she can take the honors for the planning if it's a success.

This is how I responded:

"You mention "I'll make sure you stay in the loop and can join us when we get to some concrete actions." Who is "we"? And does this mean my input is not welcomed on this matter? I would like to contribute to the planning in addition to carrying out the activities."

Would you say that my response was proportional or psycho?
I think that was pretty restrained considering.

From your other post she sounds like the type of person that gets involved in volunteer work to take the glory rather than the altruistic reasons that genuine volunteer workers have.
 
#19 ·
With the additional back ground info you supplied my opinion is the VP is hoping to steer this current project herself or give someone else a chance to manage it and is including you in the loop as a courtesy because of your past contributions or because she is trying to gently let you know you won't be involved as deeply in this project as you have been with past projects. There's nothing wrong with an organization looking for fresh ideas and trying different options.

Frankly I'm not sure why you find offense with this, I think you are being overly sensitive. So what if they plan something without you being involved, that doesn't mean they're treating their volunteers badly. I think if you take this to a "higher level" it's just going to make you childish. If you still want to help the organization go with the flow and do what you can, otherwise just sit this one out.
 
#21 ·
With the additional back ground info you supplied my opinion is the VP I'm the VP, she is the President. is hoping to steer this current project herself or give someone else a chance to manage it and is including you in the loop as a courtesy because of your past contributions or because she is trying to gently let you know you won't be involved as deeply in this project as you have been with past projects. There's nothing wrong with an organization looking for fresh ideas and trying different options. I only became VP last spring. So I'm pretty fresh myself. I would have thought that the Pres and VP works together and makes these kinds of decisions. Why would the Pres want to play me off other people. What's the point of having elections if the President treats the rest of the officers with same regard as nyone else off the street?

Frankly I'm not sure why you find offense with this, I think you are being overly sensitive. Maybe, because like most women I want to be loved for my mind (planning) as well as for my body (execution) So what if they plan something without you being involved, that doesn't mean they're treating their volunteers badly, if you still want to help the organization go with the flow if I wanted to just go with the flow, then I would not have run for an office. If and do what you can, otherwise just sit this one out.
See above.
 
#20 ·
Poorly worded and transparent directive. This person is attempting to give you what amounts to the illusion of choice in the matter of whether or not you join in the project.

Alternatively...depending upon this person's past actions...it could be an attempt to get you to provide insight into what "concrete actions" should/could be done and how they might be implemented. This allows for your input without directly asking you to do their job.

on another note..."pretty sure"...is weak-speak for "please"..."make sure you stay in the loop"...is an attempt to establish who is in charge...which was totally countered by the previous statement of "give me the green-light".....in the final analysis...poor leadership.

OR...if you really dig deep....what this person really meant was..."It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again"- AND "like me, like me, like me, like me...PLEASE"
 
  • Like
Reactions: happy as a clam
#26 ·
We're you elected VP? Nominated or endorsed by the Pres?

Unfortunately, volunteer organizations can have internal politics, people with hidden agendas, personality conflicts, cliques, etc. All counterproductive to the actual mission of the org.

You should decide if those "other" issues are worth it or whether you just want to contribute to the overall org's mission and ignore the rest. I've joined, also served as officer and/or board on a few and left some of those because I felt my time was more valuable than the BS required to serve - even though the org does good work.
 
#27 ·
I need more info on your relationship with this person. Do you have another thread ? My view is a horse is a house until it is a zebra. Questioning this is healthy just need more info to deciede.

I think your response was a good one.
 
#32 ·
Really ?

"Helping with this outreach …"

"Give me the green light …"

"Make sure you stay in the loop …"

"When we get to some concrete actions …"

Meaningless drivel.

I would like you to help me organise …
Because …
You need to know this information …
We need to get this done by ….
Let me know if you can help …


would be easier to understand (maybe).
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2ntnuf
#33 ·
Here's her response by e-mail. (we missed each by phone yesterday.)

"The "we" getting to concrete actions is the XXX ad hoc committee that I'm on. "jack" runs this committee." (I know the person she is referring to.)

This is a worldwide American organization that claims to be committed to diversity. I've been to a few regional meetings. There are few non white faces there.
 
#35 ·
yes. I've been living in Europe for more than 20 years. I and a couple of other black Americans feel that the times that we have felt discriminated against has been at the hands of a fellow white American including this organization as I have been a long time member in another country. Usually the sin of dismissiveness.
 
#36 ·
Sounds to me like they are trying to exclude you from the planning and only want to make use of you when they need you (hard work implementing the plan). She let's you decide (give green light) if you want to be informed about the plans so you cannot blame her for not informing you if you do not explicitly state your interest in being informed.

When it comes to work to implement their plan they surely want to use you. Are you the only non-white person on this board? Are you basically the non-white poster child for your chapter of this "pro diversity" organisation?

Nonetheless in this email full of BS went a lot of thought (pretty much nobody writes such nonsense off the cuff) so there is something up.
 
#39 ·
Sounds to me like they are trying to exclude you from the planning and only want to make use of you when they need you (hard work implementing the plan). She let's you decide (give green light) if you want to be informed about the plans so you cannot blame her for not informing you if you do not explicitly state your interest in being informed.

When it comes to work to implement their plan they surely want to use you. Are you the only non-white person on this board? Are you basically the non-white poster child for your chapter of this "pro diversity" organisation?

Nonetheless in this email full of BS went a lot of thought (pretty much nobody writes such nonsense off the cuff) so there is something up.
That's the way I interpret it.

I did not ask to join the committee at all so this info came to me unsolicited. But I suspect because I have been speaking with a couple of people in a nearby town, maybe both she and "Jack" decided that needed to have a word with me.

ETA: Yes, I am the only non white on the chapter board. I have met 2 others for the rest of the country. There are about 8 chapters.
 
#38 ·
The chapter President e-mailed me and said that my messages to her on this and other things sounded regularly accusatory. She said that she could go through her e-mails and show me examples when she has time. I didn't encourage her.

I was at a regional meeting a few months ago and one of the officers at the country level said briefly to me that she was happy that I was around because "these ladies don't really know what it takes to run a chapter."

I am thinking contacting her tomorrow and see if we can have a chat. I don't see where there is an ombudsman.

One thing that does mystify me is that my husband does not see how insulting her original message about the committee and my proposed relationship to it is. But then my husband has been with the same employer for 15 years. I don't think he's ever had to deal with office politics.
 
#40 ·
One thing that does mystify me is that my husband does not see how insulting her original message about the committee and my proposed relationship to it is. But then my husband has been with the same employer for 15 years. I don't think he's ever had to deal with office politics.
He sees it. This type of thing happens from the top to the bottom. It's just a little different language at different levels and what is at stake is less as you go down the ladder.

He is just picking his battles. He probably doesn't see a way you can win because he knows the pres has already approved this or the email wouldn't have been sent.
 
#43 ·
It may not even matter that she is nonwhite. It may be that her ideas were so different than what they were used to doing, even though they might be better, that they don't want to include her.
 
  • Like
Reactions: happy as a clam
#45 ·
That works if you are happy just showing up. I suppose I would not encounter these frustrations as well if all I did was pay my dues and attend events and maybe throw in some extra at a fundraiser.

But on this occasion in particular, I do believe that if I did do nothing, then nothing would happen.

I bet those who are charged with decisionmaking encounter a lot of politics among one another even in the adminstrtion of a soupl kitchen. People do use not for profit experiences for resume building.

Also, I find it interesting (and in a bad way) how much even charities spend time and money on "their brand." instead of just getting on with their (supposed) good works.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top