Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Fixers, a BS label
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post #7 of (permalink) Old 02-18-2019, 09:41 PM
Luminous
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Re: Fixers, a BS label

Quote:
Originally Posted by StillSearching View Post
You know it.
2 years of it before an epiphany hit me.
I think a little KiSA will always be present in me.
You are quite aware of it now though, so going forward you might remind yourself of this time should you experience something similar down the line.

KISA for me was tied to a lack of self worth/confidence. Always wanting to help the 'damsel in distress', feeling good when I helped them, but then realising that I had become the instrument of their healing, instead of themselves.

Fortunately the past few years have been a slap in the face regarding that, and I have come to realise that if someone looks like they need fixing, I may subtly guide them towards the tools they can use to help themselves, but it is up to them to then take that initiative.

Relying on someone else, either consciously or not, does nothing for the individual's sense of personal growth. At the same time, it does nothing good for the fixer too, except prolong their need to help someone that either doesn't want, need, or ask for help.
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