Ever since I can remember, my husband always liked to keep late hours and sleep in late. When we were dating, I figured this is “college husband”, and surely when he grew into “working adult husband” or “parent husband”, he would change his sleep schedule like a normal adult by going to bed at a decent time in order to wake up for work. This never happened. He has always managed to find a job that accommodates his crazy schedule. On weekends it is not unusual to find him still awake at 3-4 am playing video games, therefore sleeping the good part of Saturday. He will even keep this kind of schedule when we are visiting my family, which I find is really inconsiderate to them. It makes my parents think he just doesn’t want to see them, and I’ve told him I just think it is rude but he does it anyway and my parents don’t understand. He was even this way back when the kids were babies. I’d be awake before the sun would come up, and sometimes he had still not even gone to bed. I didn’t think this was conducive to a healthy relationship but waking up with babies wasn’t something I could just choose not to do. I felt like it was time for him to step up and change the schedule, but he wouldn’t and still hasn’t. Married 20 years now. He would tell me he’s just created this way and some people are morning people and some are night owls. It’s a scientific thing apparently? He says he can wake up anytime we have plans... that we can still have our times of intimacy and I can go to sleep after while he stays up. In theory, this may be possible but the reality is it never happens. On days he does have to wake up early, he is often grouchy, and on Sunday he struggles to stay awake during the church. Once home on Sunday, he sleeps most of the rest of the day. As far as intimacy goes, he blames me for never being in the mood. I’ve tried telling him so many times that I think his sleep schedule sets me up to fail, but it always comes back to it being solely my fault because I never show interest. By the time he’s all done with work, dinner and a trip to the gym... it is sometimes 9:00. By that time, my body is just done for the day and I truly do have 0 interest. He usually sits down on the couch and asks if I want to watch something. We usually pick something to watch on TV and if I haven’t fallen asleep in the middle of it, I’m headed up to bed by 10:00. Worth mentioning as well, I have a disability that progressively weakens my muscles... I am incredibly fatigued at the end of the day. Although I don’t hold him completely responsible for lack of intimacy, I feel like this sleep schedule problem does not help the situation at all. I certainly don’t have that loving feeling at this point. Unfortunately, we basically have a sexless marriage now and I’m truly ashamed and embarrassed that it has come to this. I want to fix it but I don’t know where to even start. His solution is that I should just please him even if I don’t feel like it. It is my duty as his wife. I’ve tried this a few times and feel like it will only make me more aversive to it and will do more harm than good. He does nothing to make me feel like he desires me, the only clue I get is when he makes a jab at how long it’s been. I feel like I have so many resentments built up that the thought of having sex with him is just ... repulsive honestly.