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Filing myself the hardest part

1K views 10 replies 7 participants last post by  DanielleBennett 
#1 ·
Well a quick story been married 20 years and in the past 4 years I put other things in front of my marriage like gambling. I have never cheated on her except with gambling I put it in front of my family. She has been asking for a divorce for 9 months. I stay home on the weekends because of the kids. She got into a bad wreck and is not able to work for the time being so I have been doing everything I can to help as much as possible. She has not mentioned divorce lately but when I stay home she leaves and goes out until all hours of the night and I am sitting home miserable but at least I am with the kids. Well I had a attorney friend print up the divorce papers for me to file it myself as it would be cheaper. I went to the court house to file it twice but could not build up enough courage to do it. When I got to the courthouse it started to really hit me and seems like the hardest thing in the world to overcome... I really don't want to do it but I know that this is what she wants. I want to get on with my life and start rebuilding it but it seems impossible without my family together. Please give me some advice.
 
#3 ·
Does she still want a divorce? "I know that this is what she wants." Ask her. When you say "I know that" it implies that this is what you think, but not actual stated fact.

If she wants a divorce, then say " I really don't want to do it but she wants a divorce". Even "want" is vague. You should only file if she INSISTS on a divorce.

What are you miserable about? The divorce or being alone?
 
#7 ·
I don't follow your answer tryingtosave to the question is she having an affair.

You filed, it was necessary at this point. Change the focus of your thread at this point to how shelter and build a life with your children. Also focus on how to achieve a fair divorce and achieve 50/50 custody. Find a place to deal with your gambling issues.

Finally to answer your wife: how do I feel now, not good and a shamed. Leave it at that, no sense in adding anything else. RAs no matter what the form is stupid and only shows others you are a loser. Stay the course, own what is your's, not what is her's.
 
#8 ·
Also could you share the complete text?
 
#9 ·
Please keep in mind that whoever files first in any divorce action, and in the event of courtroom litigation, has the initial "burden of proof" in that action!

And if it's bad enough, you can always counter file!

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#11 ·
If she hasn't mentioned it in a while then maybe she has changed her mind? Try talking to her about it first, let her know that you had the papers drafted up because it was what she wanted but you hadn't turned them in yet because you want to make sure it is what she really wants. Let her know that you still want to be married and work on the relationship and if she changes her mind then you will go to counseling with her. Sounds like she is going out all night and not answering because she is angry and resentful towards you and is trying to give you a taste of your medicine..but honestly that is not a mature way to handle things. If she is doing that to purposefully hurt you then in the end it will hurt herself as well.
 
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