He NEVER talks....
Hi everyone! I am new to this website and forums so I don't really know how it works but I was hoping to connect with people in similar situations, or who may have some insight.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years and have been together for 5. We are in our late twenties. For the most part, we are very happy and in love. We have a great sex life and have fun together (although we pretty much only do things he likes to do). We rarely fight anymore, but this is because I've been working on my own anger issues and have decided I want to be happy no matter what.
Recently, we've had some serious issues surface. For one, he told me he doesn't want kids and I do (given the right circumstances: money, a house, stable jobs etc). I asked if he think that might change in the future and he said he doesn't really know. The other issue is he NEVER talks... he never opens up about ANYTHING personal, emotional, intimate. He'll talk about work, the gym, our dog, his day etc..but nothing else.
When we had the discussion about kids, I told him we should seek counselling because I didn't know how to go about this problem. He said he wouldn't talk (which is true) and it would be a waste. Later on I told him we were on very rocky ground, that I couldn't keep sacrificing my desires and future goals for him. I basically told him he needed to show me how he felt and he needed to make more of an effort with his actions if we were to get through this problem without him talking or going to therapy. So I said, for our anniversary and my birthday, you need to show me how you feel.
Well... suffice to say, he didn't. He didn't do anything. And it wasn't in a malicious way. I assume it was in a lazy, passive, or just plain stupid way. I was sad. And for the first time, I slept on the couch. Neither of us have ever gotten to this point. The next day he woke up like nothing happened. Went out shopping with his friends.. came home empty handed and didn't say anything??
I again asked him to open up..his thoughts on what happened. Nothing. I expressed my desires to separate and then, he cried...for the second time in our marriage I saw him cry. The first was when he had to leave the country and we thought we had to break up. And suddenly, his crying just shook me. It made me realize that he does love me in his own weird way.
I decided to sleep on the couch again because I'm so confused. I don't know if I can live my life sacrificing all of my desires, goals, and needs in a relationship for him.
Is a happy marriage enough? Is love enough?