Hello all
I am 35, my wife is 31..Its been a while since I last posted on the site, and boy has it been one screwed ride….So a little background, last year in August my wife had started a new job as a preschool teacher at a local school, prior to that she was a preschool teacher at and worked with only females at a private school. So after she had gotten the job at the school things began to change with her. Our marriage was not perfect… I had been having issues with a video game addiction, and also had issue with communication, due to withdrawing when issues got difficult, also affection was missing within our marriage due to the lack of communication, and the slight depression I had due to recent work-related issues. So let me begin, these past 6 months I have tried to do all I can as a husband to work on myself and this marriage… I started to get into the gym, started IC, took on the on tasks at home such as cooking and cleaning, and anything else my wife needed help with… yet my wife turned into the opposite of who I married. she started to show the signs of having an affair… staying at work late, not really talking much at home, taking away affection such as holding hands, hugs, and even sex was taken off the table, outside of the few times we fooled around. There was moments were it was like walking on egg shells, either she would snap or she would be difficult to compromise with.
We did attempt MC, but eve with that she would get overwhelmed, and after every session, she would leave to get time to herself, by parking in a parking lot without telling me where she was or when she would be coming back… so come a month in a half ago…. I go through her purse to find a note. I question her about it and she flips, get angry that I found the note, and would go through her purse. I told her just to be honest with me, but she could not. Shortly after she told she was moving out for the first time in 5 months she actually show emotion, but the nightmare would begin. the moving out process lasted 5 days, and it was pure hell, she was grabbing everything that she could, she fought over the littlest of things such as Disney movies, fighting or the tv, and all the while was unpleasant, all the while I was devasted with all of this happening. Even now she complains that I got the house which we are renting and she is living with her sister.
So at the current moment, separation hasn’t been much easier, I once told her the truth comes out…and it sure did…I had found out through a friend who sent me pictures that she met with the janitor who she worked with at a park, I also got pictures to prove it. there was no kissing hugging, or touching, but they sat on blanket and talked….i had had enough, and confronted her on it…she once again denied doing anything wrong, she said they were just friends, but I knew better to believe her, and of course she was denying doing anything wrong…..a week later met with a guy who worked with this janitor and he told me every detail of why she never wanted me at work….how her and the janitor would stay and her class room and talk, how it would happen maybe three times a week, to the point he would get behind on his janitor duties. How this person had been moved 3 other times for going after married women at other schools. I was beyond angry, and humiliated by what I was hearing, all those moment where I made dinner and she said she had work, all those moments where I tried to bring dinner to her, and she said no. Once I confronted her once again she explained she did no wrong, that they were friends. Crying about if I say anything, she could lose her job, and that is where things began to get a little worse. She had threatened me with a restraining order, she had threated my job, she threated to go after money that I had saved from finical aid before we got married.
So things get better from here…last Friday i finally met this guy at a gas station by chance… I held my self back from doing anything in the store as I stood behind the guy, he said nothing, shortly after he put gas, he parked behind my car, and rolled his window half ways and began to tell me things, of course I exchanged pleasantries with him, and he would shortly leave after words, after that incident he would then drive by on Monday and Tuesday and smile laugh, and flip me off. Of course I had spoken with law enforcement about the threat my wife has made, and about this gentlemen and his actions. And they told me I could get a restraining order, and they would call this guy to tell me to knock his crap off.
So here I am today I did everything a good husband would do to save what we had built these past 16 years. I know I cant control her actions, but after these last 6 months I was taken to a point where the person I trusted the most torn me down on a personal and emotional level. We had met last night for her to get me off her phone line, and it only began to argue in the parking lot, even after I tried to walk away, she began to threaten my job with false statements, started to tell me she was going to dump off a personal line of credit on me, began to cuss at me, as she blamed me for all the drama that had been going on. She tells me that she didn’t like that I had no life goals or motivation for life itself( I went out and go my masters) I had asked her if she has filed, and she tells me it was in the works, that we can do a quick easy divorce online??? Asked me if I had deleted the pictures with her and other person, and wanted to check my phone to make sure, once I told her no she began to cuss again saying that I’m risking her job by keeping those pictures. She has told me she wanted to be ambiclie, but with how emotionally unstable she I doubt that an be possible. My last shot to her was tell her that she lost a really good man, her response was she lost a good women, which I responded good women don’t cheat on there husband for a 38 year old part-time janitor who had a girlfriend, and you may be psycho. For a woman who fantasied about marriage all these years, you failed at marriage because you didn’t understand the work that goes into making it work.
These past 6 months I know I was being gas lighted, she never attempted to get IC, she tried to sweep everything under the rug… these past 6 months I’ve taken things for anxiety, for depression, sleeping pills for the lack of sleep of panic attacks I get when I wake up at night. I have lost 50 pounds since December going from 203 to 158. I won’t lie when I say I still love my wife, but I’ve been confused with how this once great woman turned into this selfish callous monster. I have no idea what to expect from the divorce, I do not want to file, but she has not filed either. She tells me that she doesn’t love me and doesn’t feel for me in that way anymore, yet tells me she doesn’t know if she can get back with me because according to her my actions have affected her too much. Up until last night I was all for reconciling, I would have worked with her through the affair, but even as I sit her. Her has spoken badly about me with her family since they don’t say hi anymore.
So I’m unsure as to go from here, where I use to be happy to talk to and see my wife, I try to avoid her due to the negativity she brings. Even last night I see her and I get butterflies, yet to be turned down. I don’t understand why its taken so long for her file for divorce if that is what she wanted, I don’t understand why she can’t just say yes I had an emotional affair with this janitor, or why she can take ownership that it was due to her actions that all of this occurred. Each day I am getting stronger, but I have my moments…As for divorce, I am unsure what to expect, she is acting like this at the moment, I can only imagine what she will be like during divorce. I been told that cheaters always come crawling back after realizing what they lost, and I do feel she had no clue what she had in me as a husband, all these years I did everything for her, but I cannot forget how selfish she was in the choices she made. Or for someone who loved me so much how they could do all the things they did without any remorse. I don’t think she understands the trail of devastation she has caused with her actions, or how this has affected my family who loved her like a daughter and was there for her when her parents were being abusive. so I am taking it day by day, learning how to take care of myself, but I dread what is to come, and have no clue how to prepare for it, or how to approach the coming storm.
I am 35, my wife is 31..Its been a while since I last posted on the site, and boy has it been one screwed ride….So a little background, last year in August my wife had started a new job as a preschool teacher at a local school, prior to that she was a preschool teacher at and worked with only females at a private school. So after she had gotten the job at the school things began to change with her. Our marriage was not perfect… I had been having issues with a video game addiction, and also had issue with communication, due to withdrawing when issues got difficult, also affection was missing within our marriage due to the lack of communication, and the slight depression I had due to recent work-related issues. So let me begin, these past 6 months I have tried to do all I can as a husband to work on myself and this marriage… I started to get into the gym, started IC, took on the on tasks at home such as cooking and cleaning, and anything else my wife needed help with… yet my wife turned into the opposite of who I married. she started to show the signs of having an affair… staying at work late, not really talking much at home, taking away affection such as holding hands, hugs, and even sex was taken off the table, outside of the few times we fooled around. There was moments were it was like walking on egg shells, either she would snap or she would be difficult to compromise with.
We did attempt MC, but eve with that she would get overwhelmed, and after every session, she would leave to get time to herself, by parking in a parking lot without telling me where she was or when she would be coming back… so come a month in a half ago…. I go through her purse to find a note. I question her about it and she flips, get angry that I found the note, and would go through her purse. I told her just to be honest with me, but she could not. Shortly after she told she was moving out for the first time in 5 months she actually show emotion, but the nightmare would begin. the moving out process lasted 5 days, and it was pure hell, she was grabbing everything that she could, she fought over the littlest of things such as Disney movies, fighting or the tv, and all the while was unpleasant, all the while I was devasted with all of this happening. Even now she complains that I got the house which we are renting and she is living with her sister.
So at the current moment, separation hasn’t been much easier, I once told her the truth comes out…and it sure did…I had found out through a friend who sent me pictures that she met with the janitor who she worked with at a park, I also got pictures to prove it. there was no kissing hugging, or touching, but they sat on blanket and talked….i had had enough, and confronted her on it…she once again denied doing anything wrong, she said they were just friends, but I knew better to believe her, and of course she was denying doing anything wrong…..a week later met with a guy who worked with this janitor and he told me every detail of why she never wanted me at work….how her and the janitor would stay and her class room and talk, how it would happen maybe three times a week, to the point he would get behind on his janitor duties. How this person had been moved 3 other times for going after married women at other schools. I was beyond angry, and humiliated by what I was hearing, all those moment where I made dinner and she said she had work, all those moments where I tried to bring dinner to her, and she said no. Once I confronted her once again she explained she did no wrong, that they were friends. Crying about if I say anything, she could lose her job, and that is where things began to get a little worse. She had threatened me with a restraining order, she had threated my job, she threated to go after money that I had saved from finical aid before we got married.
So things get better from here…last Friday i finally met this guy at a gas station by chance… I held my self back from doing anything in the store as I stood behind the guy, he said nothing, shortly after he put gas, he parked behind my car, and rolled his window half ways and began to tell me things, of course I exchanged pleasantries with him, and he would shortly leave after words, after that incident he would then drive by on Monday and Tuesday and smile laugh, and flip me off. Of course I had spoken with law enforcement about the threat my wife has made, and about this gentlemen and his actions. And they told me I could get a restraining order, and they would call this guy to tell me to knock his crap off.
So here I am today I did everything a good husband would do to save what we had built these past 16 years. I know I cant control her actions, but after these last 6 months I was taken to a point where the person I trusted the most torn me down on a personal and emotional level. We had met last night for her to get me off her phone line, and it only began to argue in the parking lot, even after I tried to walk away, she began to threaten my job with false statements, started to tell me she was going to dump off a personal line of credit on me, began to cuss at me, as she blamed me for all the drama that had been going on. She tells me that she didn’t like that I had no life goals or motivation for life itself( I went out and go my masters) I had asked her if she has filed, and she tells me it was in the works, that we can do a quick easy divorce online??? Asked me if I had deleted the pictures with her and other person, and wanted to check my phone to make sure, once I told her no she began to cuss again saying that I’m risking her job by keeping those pictures. She has told me she wanted to be ambiclie, but with how emotionally unstable she I doubt that an be possible. My last shot to her was tell her that she lost a really good man, her response was she lost a good women, which I responded good women don’t cheat on there husband for a 38 year old part-time janitor who had a girlfriend, and you may be psycho. For a woman who fantasied about marriage all these years, you failed at marriage because you didn’t understand the work that goes into making it work.
These past 6 months I know I was being gas lighted, she never attempted to get IC, she tried to sweep everything under the rug… these past 6 months I’ve taken things for anxiety, for depression, sleeping pills for the lack of sleep of panic attacks I get when I wake up at night. I have lost 50 pounds since December going from 203 to 158. I won’t lie when I say I still love my wife, but I’ve been confused with how this once great woman turned into this selfish callous monster. I have no idea what to expect from the divorce, I do not want to file, but she has not filed either. She tells me that she doesn’t love me and doesn’t feel for me in that way anymore, yet tells me she doesn’t know if she can get back with me because according to her my actions have affected her too much. Up until last night I was all for reconciling, I would have worked with her through the affair, but even as I sit her. Her has spoken badly about me with her family since they don’t say hi anymore.
So I’m unsure as to go from here, where I use to be happy to talk to and see my wife, I try to avoid her due to the negativity she brings. Even last night I see her and I get butterflies, yet to be turned down. I don’t understand why its taken so long for her file for divorce if that is what she wanted, I don’t understand why she can’t just say yes I had an emotional affair with this janitor, or why she can take ownership that it was due to her actions that all of this occurred. Each day I am getting stronger, but I have my moments…As for divorce, I am unsure what to expect, she is acting like this at the moment, I can only imagine what she will be like during divorce. I been told that cheaters always come crawling back after realizing what they lost, and I do feel she had no clue what she had in me as a husband, all these years I did everything for her, but I cannot forget how selfish she was in the choices she made. Or for someone who loved me so much how they could do all the things they did without any remorse. I don’t think she understands the trail of devastation she has caused with her actions, or how this has affected my family who loved her like a daughter and was there for her when her parents were being abusive. so I am taking it day by day, learning how to take care of myself, but I dread what is to come, and have no clue how to prepare for it, or how to approach the coming storm.