Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-06-2019, 05:46 PM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

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Originally Posted by costas48 View Post
You are correct. We found ourselves with an exorbitant amount of extra money after only 2 years in business. Then, just like in the movies, we went overboard. I admit I lack self control but I know when I am in trouble and when to ask for help. So I have learned to avoid any mind altering substances. She does not have the ability to admit a problem.
And you are 100% correct in that I am addicted to her (mainly sex) as she is so beautiful and sexy. But now no sex + being 42 years old = I donít like her anymore nor have the energy to put up with her. Iím spending the week getting prepared per my divorce attorney friend I talked to for 2.5 hours. Thank all of you for your encouragement and outside perspectives.
Talking to a divorce attorney is your best course of action right now. Listen to your attorney's advice. Run everything you do by them to make sure that you aren't shooting yourself in the foot in the long run.

I wish you the best of luck.

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post #32 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-06-2019, 06:22 PM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

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Originally Posted by costas48;19999027[B
]I have tested her 3x, once recently. No cocaine.[/B] She gave up all drugs and alcohol at my asking and her MD put her on the adderall to fight the cocaine cravings and it worked but created a new set of problems. She has mild ADD but she doesnít need this dosage.

Good this, the above.....

Not good, the below...

I am very familiar with Adderall. A familiar of mine uses this and she cannot sleep and she is a bundle of nerves. She is this, two-legged, shaved-legged, snapping turtle. She finds fault with 'most' everything, 'most' everybody.

I hate most drugs.
Some are life savers, of course.



[?]-

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #33 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 01:05 AM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

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I’ve been trying this but she always says that I’m ignoring her and our kids when I go to the gym. The kids need help with homework etc. so I turn my truck around! Or if I’m working late, and I’m talking 30-60 minutes, I get the guilt trip about how she wanted to have supper together as a family but the kids were starving. In a text a few minutes ago I told her it’s obvious she is unhappy, even when things are going good. She said that’s bc all I remember is the bad times bc when they are good, my mind is on our business. What does that even mean?
It means it’s easier for her to leave/bang someone else when she has you convinced that everything is YOUR fault.

You are not her servant.

I’m not going to comment on the insane waste of money and life to excess.

But your earlier post said she wants you to pay for a place for her until she gets on her feet.
I think she means until she gets off her back. She’s got an OM for sure.

If she wants to be free, let her. That means NOTHING from you unless it’s court ordered.

Get custody of your kids for THEIR sake. You seem the less messed up of the two right now.

Last edited by aquarius1; 10-09-2019 at 01:11 AM.
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post #34 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:21 AM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

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Relationships can be irreparably damaged by a single event. You addiction may have forever changed her feelings for you. You've not elaborated much on that time in your marriage and I can't help but wonder if you wanted to just sweep it under the rug. Just because it's out of sight doesn't mean it's out of mind. For many, money is a poor substitute for trust and intimacy.

In any case, she has made her intentions perfectly clear. If you're hoping to talk her out of it by understanding it better, I wouldn't waste the time. I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a new man in mind or is even already involved with one. The train has left the station and you're not on it. I suggest you spend all of your effort working toward the best post-divorce life for you and your kids. There will be time for a marriage postmortem once the dust settles.
Either that or the three pills were a lucky find for her. Perhaps she needed an excuse to really end things (you'd ignored her other attempts) and the pills appeared at just the right time?


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post #35 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:23 AM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

@costas48 I have moved your thread to a more appropriate sub-forum.


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post #36 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:32 AM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

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@costas48 I have moved your thread to a more appropriate sub-forum.
Now, can we move him to divorce court?

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #37 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:36 AM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

@ costas48, there is alot of stuff in here that would drive any marriage over the edge, with the sudden amount of cash, drugs dependency, workaholics, etc. I feel sorry for your kids s you are not bringing them up in a very stable environment.
I would suggest you hire a PI to follow your wife to see what she is up to. There may be a few reasons why she is saying she wants out

1. she has another man
2. She wants more attention and wants to shock you with a threat
3. She is an addict and wants freedom to do whatever she wants without your supervision
4. Her ADD is much worse or even something else such as BPD which would explain her erratic behavior
5. She is a spoilt ****ty person (princess) who has taken from you all this time and expects all her needs to be met without taking responsibility for her own actions. In this case give her what she wants.
Maybe she thinks you will not follow through with divorce

Ensure you follow through on the divorce lawyer and let her see that you will not he held hostage. Do the 180 on her.

The life you have, is the life you create
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post #38 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 08:37 AM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

Get a PI to follow her for a few weeks, see what you are dealing with first.

The life you have, is the life you create
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post #39 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 09:42 AM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

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Originally Posted by zookeeper View Post
Relationships can be irreparably damaged by a single event. You addiction may have forever changed her feelings for you. You've not elaborated much on that time in your marriage and I can't help but wonder if you wanted to just sweep it under the rug. Just because it's out of sight doesn't mean it's out of mind. For many, money is a poor substitute for trust and intimacy.

In any case, she has made her intentions perfectly clear. If you're hoping to talk her out of it by understanding it better, I wouldn't waste the time. I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a new man in mind or is even already involved with one. The train has left the station and you're not on it. I suggest you spend all of your effort working toward the best post-divorce life for you and your kids. There will be time for a marriage postmortem once the dust settles.
However she's been making use of all his attentions and family funds for lo these many years.

In a perfect world, I know, she would have stated clearly early on if she had changed her mind about wanting to have a forever marriage with H.

OP, this is a clear example of when a perhaps totally self centered SO has been planning her exit for a long time, when convenient for her.

Is there anyway W could have planted those three pills to give herself a "legitimate" leg up on you, as she initiates her exit plan?

A reach, perhaps, but I've learned a long time ago that even the unexpected or thought impossible things can happen.

Good luck to you sir.
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post #40 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-09-2019, 12:50 PM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

The bridge is out and the train is barrelling down the tracks.

Too many things here going on that are wildly out of control to effectively manage.

This is going to take lots of lawyers and lots of therapy to sort out.

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post #41 of 41 (permalink) Old 10-10-2019, 12:43 PM
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Re: Wife wants out, wonít admit it but wants me to take the blame

Keep us updated. You likely will never have an explanation of her behavior and her mindset, and you need to find a way to be ok with that. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy. The WHY doesnt matter, what matters is finding your way out, removing yourself from the dysfunction.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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