My situation... - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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post #31 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-10-2019, 10:51 AM
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Re: My situation...

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Yeah. It's scary to think about what this could mean, but I'm ready either way.
Are you, I hope you are because you have let her walk all over you like a dish rag.

Like @Girl_power said, if her answer is anything less than yes I want to save the marriage, followed by ACTIONS that show this is true, then you should file for divorce ASAP.

And while you are waiting for it to be final, you can grow a pair and be ready for the next relationship... HINT... Don't ever be with anyone like your wife... EVER.

It is not guarantee but at least you get better odds that way...

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post #32 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-10-2019, 11:16 AM
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Re: My situation...

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Yeah. It's scary to think about what this could mean, but I'm ready either way.
It is really hard to communicate the marriage dynamics in a public forum. Make sure you totally understand where your wife's head is before you kick her to the curb. Her behavior is unacceptable in a marriage. No defense there. However, I've seen people experience similar events only to realize it was a phase the spouse was going through. If she is going through a phase, for whatever reason, she may pull out of it. You've been given some good, honest advice here. If it turns out that she really has tuned out of the marriage, it's time to move on. I'm not totally convinced you're there yet.
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post #33 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-10-2019, 11:29 AM
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Re: My situation...

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It is really hard to communicate the marriage dynamics in a public forum. Make sure you totally understand where your wife's head is before you kick her to the curb. Her behavior is unacceptable in a marriage. No defense there. However, I've seen people experience similar events only to realize it was a phase the spouse was going through. If she is going through a phase, for whatever reason, she may pull out of it. You've been given some good, honest advice here. If it turns out that she really has tuned out of the marriage, it's time to move on. I'm not totally convinced you're there yet.


I 100% agree! Especially when people are faced with the hard reality they can actually change... only if their spouse means business. Thatís why I think you should instantly kick her out and start a trial separation if she gives a passive answer.
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post #34 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-10-2019, 06:02 PM
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Re: My situation...

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Itís marriage... to me itís black and white. Your either in or your out. There is no in between. There is not, we will see if things get better. Thatís the point of marriage and love, your there through good times and bad. Marriage is meant for tough times.. thatís the freakin point!
And we did not back you into a corner, she did. We just pointed out where you stood, and now stand.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #35 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-10-2019, 06:14 PM
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Re: My situation...

It's the "i love her so much I'll let her decide my fate" play.

Not a good tactic in this situation. Like most who choose this route you're gonna wallow awhile.
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post #36 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 08:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My situation...

Well I got an answer. There had been a lot of indecision lately, but she came home last night and we had a solid conversation. She opened up about her feelings and I let her know where I stand. She is dealing with a lot of resentment towards me. Some of which I understand, some seems to be trivial, but I let her say her piece. I then told her that being in limbo is killing me and she needs to make a decision about working on things. She told me she spent her lunch and plan periods searching for a counselor in there area who specializes in getting past resentment. She made an appointment for Wednesday, which happens to be our anniversary. She wanted the new change to be reflected there. She also put her wedding ring back on this morning...It may not be perfect, but its a positive step...
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post #37 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 08:54 AM
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Re: My situation...

Resentment is very difficult. Itís just overall a difficult place to be in for both of you. I understand being resentful but her actions were 100% wrong regardless.
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post #38 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:08 AM
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Re: My situation...

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She is dealing with a lot of resentment towards me.
Why is she resentful toward you? What have you supposedly done that she resents? Be careful with blame shifting unless you're really at fault.
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post #39 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My situation...

We are both teachers and she works summer school, does curriculum building and a variety of other extra things to make money over the summer. I have only worked 3 summer school sessions in 11 years up to this year. Mostly because I didn't have a choice as summer school spots go to seniority usually. I coach baseball which removes me from the house a lot during the spring and in the past I coached summer leagues for my high school kids, and sometimes softball when I coached that as well, but only coached our own kids team once. She doesn't get that I work with my kids too all the time and I just wanted to be a dad/fan for once. I was asked to take over my son's soccer team this year and I told them no because it was already crazy. I didn't just say no but hell no. That pissed her off and she took over the team...

Since then I took over the drivers ed program at my school and have earned enough credit on top of my masters to earn another 10% next year. Drivers ed nets me around 3500 bucks a summer for 13 days of work. I even picked up some Saturday schools which pay 100 bucks to come in for 4 hrs. I thought she'd be ecstatic about the additional support but she is pissed it took me so long to do it. I get her point, but damn...
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post #40 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My situation...

There are additional other things like the fact that I shut down her fantasy world with the other guy at play too I'm sure...

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post #41 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:27 AM
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Re: My situation...

It sounds like there are other problems. Do you have money problems? If so, you need to fix those while you're working on other problems. (I could write a book on money problems.) Keep digging unless you already know what they are and just chose not to share them with us. You are far ahead of many spouses.
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post #42 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:28 AM
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Re: My situation...

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There are additional other things like the fact that I shut down her fantasy world with the other guy at play too I'm sure...
We were typing at the same time.
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post #43 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My situation...

We don't have "money problems" in the sense that things are falling apart. But my mom who usually baby sits my sons twice a week had to go back to work. That means at times we will have to send them to our sitter and that costs us an additional $50 a day. She freaks out about the possible $400 a month that could mean. We make plenty to keep the bills paid and kids in all sorts of activities and still have some left at the end of the day. My attempts to pick up these extra things are an attempt to work out anything she might fear about money...
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post #44 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:38 AM
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Re: My situation...

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Originally Posted by DKEPL View Post
We don't have "money problems" in the sense that things are falling apart. But my mom who usually baby sits my sons twice a week had to go back to work. That means at times we will have to send them to our sitter and that costs us an additional $50 a day. She freaks out about the possible $400 a month that could mean. We make plenty to keep the bills paid and kids in all sorts of activities and still have some left at the end of the day. My attempts to pick up these extra things are an attempt to work out anything she might fear about money...
Full Disclosure: I'm a major fan of Dave Ramsey's teachings about money. My spouse and I are debt free except for the house. For the most part, we're on the same page about money. By the way, money is the number one cause of divorce in North America. If we end up splitting up, it will not be over money. We got rid of that irritant.
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post #45 of 66 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:43 AM
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Re: My situation...

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There are additional other things like the fact that I shut down her fantasy world with the other guy at play too I'm sure...


What the heck this is so messed up. Your wife sounds like a jerk.
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