Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-05-2015, 11:05 PM Thread Starter
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Lightbulb Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

August 24, 2015 by Chump Lady

Since the ****** ******* hack broke, a lot of folks have emailed me to ask — hey, did you get a huge swell of numbers on your site? Are you awash with new chumps over there? Well, the numbers did go up by a couple thousand views per day, but it wasn’t outside the normal spikes the site sometimes gets. As far as I know, I’m not signing up legions of new chumps. There’s steady growth (the blog is closing in on 7 million page views), but it’s not like readership doubled thanks to ****** *******.

I would like nothing better than for the newly chumped to “leave a cheater, gain a life” — but that’s rarely the case in the beginning. If anyone is experiencing a surge in membership, IMO, it’s the Reconciliation Industrial Complex. And that makes perfect sense if you’ve ever been betrayed.

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“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #2 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:05 AM
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

Love Chump Lady. I completely agree with her.
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post #3 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

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Love Chump Lady. I completely agree with her.
I love the term "Reconciliation Industrial Complex"

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #4 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:10 AM
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

LOL. She's trying to get people to cut to the chase, but it's a sad reality that people seem to have to go through the process. And the RIC takes sore advantage of that process, doesn't it?
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post #5 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:13 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

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LOL. She's trying to get people to cut to the chase, but it's a sad reality that people seem to have to go through the process. And the RIC takes sore advantage of that process, doesn't it?
I think many BSs are fearful after the initial shock wears off and they make decisions out of fear and not strength. People take advantage of the fearful don't they?

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #6 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:19 AM
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

Fear is a tremendous motivator, that's for sure. People make tons of money off of it.

I think I'm as fearful as the next person, but my fear re infidelity is that I wouldn't know soon enough so that I could walk out the door. I very viscerally don't want to be anyone's chump.
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post #7 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

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Fear is a tremendous motivator, that's for sure. People make tons of money off of it.

I think I'm as fearful as the next person, but my fear re infidelity is that I wouldn't know soon enough so that I could walk out the door. I very viscerally don't want to be anyone's chump.
Between my own life and reading too many message boards when I want to date a woman all I can sometimes see is her cheating. How [email protected]#$%^ up is that? I don't know her, her history, or anything but that is one of my first thoughts - will she cheat.

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #8 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:35 AM
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

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Between my own life and reading too many message boards when I want to date a woman all I can sometimes see is her cheating. How [email protected]#$%^ up is that? I don't know her, her history, or anything but that is one of my first thoughts - will she cheat.
Before I married, I did this naturally, but not as a first question to myself. As soon as something looked like it might be getting more than casual, I would definitely vet it for likelihood of cheating. I dated two serial cheaters when I was young. Each one proposed marriage and I was flabbergasted - I realized that I had crossed them off my mental list of serious options long before they proposed.

I don't think it's bad to be cognizant of this, but you may be jumping the gun a bit .
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post #9 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

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Before I married, I did this naturally, but not as a first question to myself. As soon as something looked like it might be getting more than casual, I would definitely vet it for likelihood of cheating. I dated two serial cheaters when I was young. Each one proposed marriage and I was flabbergasted - I realized that I had crossed them off my mental list of serious options long before they proposed.

I don't think it's bad to be cognizant of this, but you may be jumping the gun a bit .
I've been told by people who know me I'm not exactly an optimist...

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #10 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:05 PM
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

not sure how much AM list is actually a true list of cheaters. looks like it was mostly a ton of wannabe's in what turned out to be a big sausage fest.


Catching the cheater:
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post #11 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-06-2015, 12:19 PM
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

I LOVE her comment about "hopium".

We need to implement that word into our TAM vocabulary.
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post #12 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-07-2015, 02:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

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I LOVE her comment about "hopium".

We need to implement that word into our TAM vocabulary.
@commonsenseisn't She does have a way with words doesn't she?

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #13 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-07-2015, 09:24 PM
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

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I've been told by people who know me I'm not exactly an optimist...
Try something called "Mindfulness Training".
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post #14 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-07-2015, 09:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

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Try something called "Mindfulness Training".
What is that exactly?

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #15 of 38 (permalink) Old 09-07-2015, 09:43 PM
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Re: Article: The Good Advice Chumps Won’t Take… Now

It's where you start to change your relationship with your thoughts. You don't deny them, you don't justify them, you just become present with them. Sort of like watching a movie without getting involved.

For example. You see 2 young people in love and slammo... a thought pops in your head. "Oh, just a matter before she cheats".

You acknowledge the thought but you neither justify or deny it. You just let it pass on by.

Takes practice! Try looking it up.
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