Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 08:37 AM Thread Starter
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Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

When a WS is dumped by their AP and then tries to reconcile with their BS, do they only do so because they no longer have a shot with their AP? Are they then on the look-out for a new AP?

Im sure the answer would vary, considering individuals are different. But Im thinking a lot of WS only decide to reconcile with their BS because of losing their AP.

Id love to hear from anyone who has any insight, WS or BS.

Im not here to start a war, Im just very curious if anyone actually decides they love their BS more than their AP and doesn't just pick them as the default option when things don't work out with the AP. Grasping at straws in my own situation, I suppose.

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post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 08:50 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

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But Im thinking a lot of WS only decide to reconcile with their BS because of losing their AP.
It's called Plan B.

But IMO it is more than that. The cheater is with the AP because there is some VERY STRONG emotional or physical need not being met. In the fog, the cheater cannot see what they are losing by cheating. Once dumped by the AP, the cheater - now out of the fog - might see all the "good" things in the current relationship and want to "go home".

Or, it could be that they just have nowhere else to sleep since the AP kicked them out.
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post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 08:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

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It's called Plan B.

But IMO it is more than that. The cheater is with the AP because there is some VERY STRONG emotional or physical need not being met. In the fog, the cheater cannot see what they are losing by cheating. Once dumped by the AP, the cheater - now out of the fog - might see all the "good" things in the current relationship and want to "go home".

Or, it could be that they just have nowhere else to sleep since the AP kicked them out.
As the BS, does one ever truly know which one it is? Does the reason matter when it comes to reconciliation?
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post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:09 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

Personally, i would never settle for being someone's second choice, or their plan b. I have enough respect for myself that i couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone knowing that they were looking at me thinking they would rather have someone else.
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post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:09 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

I am totally guessing here and these are just my thoughts, but I would suspected that most cheaters do not expect to or want to leave their marriage. Otherwise, they would divorce and just move on. You can read here many stories of how the affair "just happened". Starts with talking/chatting, then flirting, then lunches, then maybe EA and eventually PA. Not same formula every time but you get the idea. Then, once the affair is exposed or ended by the AP, the cheater goes "Oh Sh!t" and wants to go home.
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post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:14 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

Plan B.

Well it is nice to be a part of some plan.
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post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:21 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

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Originally Posted by Matos View Post
When a WS is dumped by their AP and then tries to reconcile with their BS, do they only do so because they no longer have a shot with their AP? Are they then on the look-out for a new AP?

Im sure the answer would vary, considering individuals are different. But Im thinking a lot of WS only decide to reconcile with their BS because of losing their AP.

Id love to hear from anyone who has any insight, WS or BS.

Im not here to start a war, Im just very curious if anyone actually decides they love their BS more than their AP and doesn't just pick them as the default option when things don't work out with the AP. Grasping at straws in my own situation, I suppose.
Perhaps the BS would have a better chance at reconciliation if the WS dumps their AP and not the other way around.
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post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:26 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

My ex had cheated on me nearly a decade ago, the first time, with her ex bf, emotionally online then it became ( Most likely) physical after they spent time together in person.. Plans were laid, among other things lol, and had certain things gone down differently they would have ended up together. Even after D-day she was still ever cheating with hi,, just better at hiding it, which continued for well over a year. Since I have a very good memory I was able to pinpoint in retrospect the times she was uncannily affectionate to the times when him and her weren't getting along. When he ignored her, she was highly loving, when they fought, she was highly loving...

So using my experience and most peoples testimonies here and elsewhere, most cases of Reconciliation are based on the AP ending the affair.

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post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:26 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

BTW I know all about being your honey's Plan B.

It isn't very nice. ("No s**t, Matt! Really?" )
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post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:26 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

Agree with the plan b. That only becomes an option when the fantasy comes crashing down. I will say one thing my X had giant brass balls to even try coming back to me after what she did.

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post #11 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:27 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

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Perhaps the BS would have a better chance at reconciliation if the WS dumps their AP and not the other way around.
Shazzam!! The quote of the day!!

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post #12 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:27 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

Quite frankly very few times does the WS come back period. They leave because they truly believe, and may be right that they no longer love the betrayed spouse. If they get dumped by their AP, they simply go searching for another.

It's not that different from when you are in a relationship with someone and the decision is made to breakup. Once you break up, you go out and search for someone else.

Same here. That's why they are X boyfriends/girlfriends/lovers/ SO/ husband/wife etc. very few get back with an X period. You simply move on to another relationship that doesn't have baggage. A clean slate so to speak.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #13 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:29 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

A WS choosing his or her BS only after being dumped by his or her AP is a meaningless gesture.

Don't ever be anyone's "Plan B".
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post #14 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:36 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

This is so silly but every time I hear the expression "Plan B," I think back to the 60's when my parents took us to a Chinese restaurant to eat.

The menu would say:

Choose one from Column A and choose two from Column B

Column A had lobster and shrimp dishes

Column B had tofu and bean sprout dishes

66, never ever allow yourself to be a sprout !!
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post #15 of 42 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 09:48 AM
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Re: Choosing BS Only When Dumped by AP?

they want to have it all.

they want their baby father (or baby mother), they want their life stability, the paycheck, the social appearances.

but they also want that thrill, that adrenaline, that excitement and feeling like a 16 year old again.

they're just not mature or strong enough to face the realities of life and the longer view of what true love is.

it's about endurance and cheaters don't usually have enough of it.
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