I feel sick from wife's EA - Page 26 - Talk About Marriage
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post #376 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-18-2017, 02:33 PM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

OP, a poster in your wife's thread just mentioned that you cheated w/ SS (your current wife) in your first marriage. What is your expectation with SS, knowing that she has an adulterous nature? You both cheated on your spouses. Not to scold you, but your relationship was built on shifting sands from the beginning. You need to reflect about the nature of your marriage and your realistic expectations. This changes my view on your marriage and the future of your situation.

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post #377 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-18-2017, 03:38 PM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

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Originally Posted by Roselyn View Post
OP, a poster in your wife's thread just mentioned that you cheated w/ SS (your current wife) in your first marriage. What is your expectation with SS, knowing that she has an adulterous nature? You both cheated on your spouses. Not to scold you, but your relationship was built on shifting sands from the beginning. You need to reflect about the nature of your marriage and your realistic expectations. This changes my view on your marriage and the future of your situation.
A marriage/relationship where one or both cheated on their past spouse rarely lasts for obvious reasons. I have no idea why anyone is surprised when cheating then happens in their marriage, what did they expect?
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post #378 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-18-2017, 04:01 PM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

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Originally Posted by Rocket Skates76 View Post
You are free to believe her hopeless rendition of myself as an absentee husband and father but that is not the truth.
Me, perfect? Oh no.

The past year and a half, I did semi-shut down after her first forced admittance, because I was made to believe it was all my fault...I didn't know how to process all that through the anger and hurt.

I always thought she was the perfect one and I the failure.
Most people do..... shut down after their spouse has a damn affair. With me, cheating is a deal breaker.

I've never cheated, so I expect the same. Pop told me years ago.... -A man shouldn't cheat.

That's for the attention ho females. A good woman would never cheat. If you see another girl

you like more, be a man and walk up, tell her it's over. Don't be a chicken schit. And if she asks

why, tell her.-

Why is cheating a deal breaker for me? Yes you can still love a cheating wife / gf BUT... can you

ever trust her again? Love with out trust is very unhealthy and will grind at your insides.

RS'76..... and if indeed his W is on here..... proceed with the D. After all the cheating, this M has

been dead awhile, so kill it. Each work on yourself, and have the children as close to 50 / 50

as possible. Have coffee date every blue moon.... maybe a family outing a few times a year.

Maybe...... maybe..... 4-5 years later, something could happen. Right now.... too many bombs have

been dropped to "wipe it all away." And if a R is tried.... it has failure written all over it already.

Then what happens? Fast forward two years..... more miserable than now, hating each

other, dragging emotions through lawyers, and yes.... throwing the kids in the middle. I've seen it

95% of the time since my days in jr. high.

RS'76..... here's the deal with some about 65 hour weeks..... if you beat you brains out working

to provide for your family you will get -You are a great provider but not a great family man- or if

you cut back your hours to be available to family....... -You are a great family man but you are

not a great provider- Okay.... to that one should say "Pick one, you can't have both, if you want both,

you will have neither." Back in early 00's, WC and I had been M a few years, I was working 70-80

hours a week (was very stress free though). I get the -great provider / not family man- spill.

"Well... ya know.... wouldn't have to work all these hours if my income wasn't the only one coming

in to pay the bills (she had "medical issues" but had no problem sitting on her ass playing games

all day on AOL). How bouts you get off your ass and get, at least... a P/T job so I won't have to

work as much." She did..... I cut my hours. Problem solved.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #379 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-18-2017, 04:31 PM Thread Starter
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Diana7 and Roslyn,
I understand and believe that concept if both parties involved in the affair never pursued any type of personal healing or growth as individuals or a couple. Obviously we did not LOL. If you read through the entirety of this thread you will find I have never once defend my actions.

That is the rule, but there are exceptions; but once again we are not that exception.

Like it was already stated the real losers here are our children.
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post #380 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-18-2017, 05:09 PM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

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Originally Posted by Rocket Skates76 View Post
Diana7 and Roslyn,
I understand and believe that concept if both parties involved in the affair never pursued any type of personal healing or growth as individuals or a couple. Obviously we did not LOL. If you read through the entirety of this thread you will find I have never once defend my actions.

That is the rule, but there are exceptions; but once again we are not that exception.

Like it was already stated the real losers here are our children.
I do hope the beatings over how they met have concluded...... He was already hammered for it

in the beginning. The horse is dead.... Kinda why Zillard no longer posts here anymore.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #381 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-18-2017, 06:03 PM Thread Starter
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I don't think they knew that. No worries, it's perfectly fine.
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post #382 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-18-2017, 11:26 PM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

Rocket...how do you feel after reading your wife's thread?

What is your gut feeling?
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post #383 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 12:42 AM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

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Originally Posted by Mrs. John Adams View Post
Rocket...how do you feel after reading your wife's thread?

What is your gut feeling?
RS'76.......... I would recommend you start a private thread where only those who are invited can

read or post. Maybe select 4-5 guys, 4-5 gals. Those with experience in Rs and infidelity

are your best bet. Be glad to recommend some in PMs. BTW..... I would NOT be one recommended.

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #384 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 09:59 PM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

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Originally Posted by Mrs. John Adams View Post
Rocket...how do you feel after reading your wife's thread?

What is your gut feeling?
I don't know how he feels, but I just read his wife's thread and my gut is feeling nauseated. It's all about her. She is the star of her own reality show drama where she's the victim, at worst, and has excuses, at best. She honestly believes strangers on the internet destroyed her marriage because she can't admit that her serial adultery destroyed her marriage.

Personally, I hope @Rocket Skates76 gets away from the manipulative, toxic, "woman" he unfortunately married.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #385 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 10:13 PM
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I really don't want to kick a guy when he is down. By I believe Rockets reconmected with his wife while she was married due to MySpace. I know he understands this was a bad idea. He is paying the cost now, I am sure his future relationships will be better chosen. It's a shame he had to learn his lesson the hard way.

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post #386 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-19-2017, 10:32 PM Thread Starter
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It's like I texted her, this site saved me a lot of heartache and mistakes. TAM is no walk in the park; the truth about yourself,when fully realized and accepted, is not easy, and can simply be disregarded by opening a new tab...that's the magic of being online.

Here is my point:
I came here looking for answers as to 'what' happened, but I've walked away with answers as to the 'why'...and that 'why' is myself. Period.
Lack of self respect. Lack of principle. Just coasting by.

Her thread is her thread; it's not for me to get mixed up in, but there is some outstanding advice posted there.

And MySpace, lol, good ol' MySpace...
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post #387 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-20-2017, 01:26 AM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

Rocket, you've seemed to become a wiser person. I hope that you find peace and integrity in your road ahead. I truly hope the best for you.
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post #388 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-20-2017, 02:04 AM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

Good luck to you Rocket in whatever you decide to do. Unlike others here, I see not only regret, but also remorse, in your wife's post. It took some serious guts for her to come into this site as a WS looking for input. She seems to be at least trying to figure herself out. Yes, there was some deflecting of blame about feeling "alone" in your marriage, but some of that is to be expected until they finally get it. Regardless, the ball is in your court and you are free to keep playing or pack it up and leave. I wish you luck with this. I know you are in pain and it's no easy decision.
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post #389 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-20-2017, 04:44 AM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

This forum really is not for everyone, so I wouldn't be surprised if she moves elsewhere.

A good friend tells you what you don't want to hear, but need to hear. I think she's not yet in that state to really hear. She is too busy talking and rationalizing and explaining and despite using so many words, speaks very little to many of us. This is how she is processing things out loud. She shouldn't feel denied that opportunity but she'd get a better empathetic response elsewhere.

Advice here is often blanketed in what seems like hostile intent but it is designed to really make you think about what you want. What your goal is. If you want to R, there are some "must haves" and "nice to haves." The goal is to ensure you can get the musts at the very least or it's false R.

If you want to D, then the goal is to cut the tethers and learn to be a complete person without her. Restrict communication to things only child-related. Move on with your life, heal, find happiness on your own, and possibly with another if that's the path you choose.

There is one truth I see on this board time and again (and I've experienced it first hand): you can love someone deeply, madly, and eternally and they can still be wrong for you.

Last edited by Satya; 08-20-2017 at 08:01 AM.
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post #390 of 568 (permalink) Old 08-20-2017, 08:15 AM
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Re: I feel sick from wife's EA

I agree, Satya.

Love does not mean that someone is right for you.
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