They are not still seeing each other. They text but very rarely. Although we are both open to other relationships, we have agreed to not actively pursue that option without letting the other know. I do think WW has turned a corner with respect to understanding that she acted immorally and beneath her own standards. She is truly ashamed of what she did and I doubt she will repeat it. Not that she would not leave me for a wealthier man, but she would not do it secretly.
There is nothing hidden from the kids. They know we are divorced and why. They know we are staying together for them, in part, and express appreciation about that sacrifice.
I did tell OM's wife a few times when he reached out again. This isn't her first time at the Rodeo though. This OM cheated on her at least 8 times before he did it with my WS. So she temporarily gets him under control and then he's back again.
Oh, and yes, counseling, before the A and after. No good. Worthless.
What a shame that OM’s BW is such a doormat.....
Doubt he would be so ‘attractive’ of an OM to your WW or other women if half his income and assets disappeared like a fart in the wind as she divorced his scummy a**.
As for your situation....
If you can stomach living the facade of a fake ‘happy’ M, then stay the course.
I could never do it.
Be prepared though as the clock runs out for your exWW to try to hold on to you......she will be older, and her ‘value’ in the dating market is continuously decreasing every year......
She may love money more than you (apparently), and would ‘upgrade’ in a hot minute if she had the opportunity.....but by the time your kids are out, her chances of that will be minimal.....rich guys like her POSOM will be chasing much younger women.
So she will be facing a severe DECREASE in her standard of living if you leave as your alimony/support is ending.
Based on what you have said, if money/standard of living is that important to her, she is going to fight to keep it (meaning you).....
However.....it would only because she doesn’t want to take that hit.....not because she truly loves you.
Lucky for you, the D has already happened.
But be prepared for her to try to use the kids and painting you as a ‘bad’ guy to friends and family to guilt you into not cutting her loose.
There is one question I have though.....I know you are legally D now.....
But you continue to live with her in a ‘common law’ marital situation.
In some states, after 8 years, a common law relationship carries many of the same legal difficulties as a true M.....
Will you be past 8 years of common law M after the kids launch?
What is your state law on these issues?
Might you have to go through ANOTHER legal separation from your WW after the kids are out and you decide to leave?
Because, given your exWW’s focus on financials as you have described.....she will take you to the cleaners a second time if she has the opportunity.