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"Cute big guy at work" OOOPs said to much?

61K views 158 replies 70 participants last post by  MattMatt 
#1 · (Edited)
Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?

EDIT: Helicopter guy is not a pilot. He is a paramedic in the back of the medical evacuation chopper. Now I also looked at the company website and it states they can give "ride alongs" to emergency room personnel which my wife is as she is a nurse at the hospital.

EDIT2: Discovered wife had an extra 5000 dollars of credit card debt she tried to keep from me. Some from before we were married and some just after.

EDIT3: 2-3 weeks ago I found a credit card when I was going to buy stuff for our camping trip. Wife said grab it out of my purse. I pulled out the "wrong" one. She looked startled and said of that is an old before we were married and does not work. So, 3 minutes ago I tried it online hoping it would not work. Surprise, surprise it worked! Card is still active despite the lie she told me.
 
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#6 ·
Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my work gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?
Nip it in the bud. Obviously your wife likes the attention he is giving her and is encouraging it by accepting gifts. Since the gifts she has been chatting with him regularly.

Tell her a helicopter ride sounds like fun but his attention to her and her reciprocating has definitely gone too far, so ask when do you ALL go. She what she says then.
 
#8 ·
Ok I get it now, I got confused. Your user name, I was thinking you were female. that you are the wife. I was thinking this guy asked your kid out for a ride on a helicopter.

He asked your wife out on a ride.

He gave your wife the gift or it was for the kid?

Yeah, this doesn't look good.

You need to slam the brakes on this right now.
Yes asked my wife.
Gave gift to wife not child.
I know looks ****ty. Think going to get VAR.
Yes I do.
 
#15 ·
A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it.
Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime."
A couple of years ago a guy gives your wife gifts with his helicopter company logo on it. This same person who your wife thinks of as "that big cute guy" (this is probably how she refers to him with her coworkers) is now asking her if she wants to go on a helicopter ride with him. He had to make an effort on behalf of your wife to make both of these things happen. He is not doing this for the other woman that your wife works with, just for her. Why? The answer is that he thinks that your wife is just as cute as your wife thinks he is.

Google a helicopter ride company in your area and get available dates. Tell your wife that she should have told you that she wanted to ride in a helicopter, and that you think that it would be a fun and romantic date for the two of you to go on. Then tell her that there is now no good reason for her to go on the ride with "that big cute guy", unless spending time with this other man is the real reason that she wants to go.
 
#16 ·
Google a helicopter ride company in your area and get available dates. Tell your wife that she should have told you that she wanted to ride in a helicopter, and that you think that it would be a fun and romantic date for the two of you to go on. Then tell her that there is now no good reason for her to go on the ride with "that big cute guy", unless spending time with this other man is the real reason that she wants to go.
Really excellent idea, but do not say the bolded. Say "no way I'm going to let some other guy take you in a helicopter" after scheduling the date and surprising her with it. Then don't say another word about it other than you are glad you were prompted to have such a great date idea.
 
#17 ·
Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?
Well, if your marriage is just for show, why does it even matter to you?
 
#44 ·
"Well, if your marriage is just for show, why does it even matter to you?"

This
"Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child."

So why do you care what she does?
Hey, that is a really good idea.

I still wonder why he cares though....
Hey, that is a really good idea.

I still wonder why he cares though....
Why should he care you all ask? Well considering if she gets pregnant somehow and they are still married depending on where they live he could legally be presumed to be the father.

https://www.dhirschberglaw.com/in-f...-a-married-woman-presumed-to-be-her-husbands/
 
#19 ·
It's a little early to accuse or be real suspicious, but not too early to investigate. Do not confront however or she'll take it further underground if she is in fact in an affair or beginning one and it will be harder for you to unveil what's going on. Too early to tell anything but be vigilant and do not change your disposition to tip her off. VAR and phone records is suffice as a starter.
 
#23 ·
Does the pilot fly his own helicopter? If not, his boss won't like him giving free rides. That's an expensive piece of equipment to fly.

Tell your wife that she should not have accepted the gift.
Tell your wife you're going to her workplace so she can introduce you to him.
Tell her you're meeting this guy (with or without her permission).
And you're returning his gift in person...or she can do it with you present.
You need to introduce yourself to the OM ...let him know 'who' you are and that she's your wife.

Even though you're both in the marriage for the kid, you each have an obligation to act adult, be civil and respect one another - as a role model and to provide a safe home for your child. Teasing, flirting, insulting, swearing at one another is not appropriate.
 
#24 ·
Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?

Red flag? There's a MUCH bigger one. In fact, MANY bigger ones. They all point at you and beg the question "why do you stay married"? It's not for the kid - your phrase "I tell myself.." says you don't believe it. So there's nothing there to stay glued to. "mouth shut and ears open" is exactly what a person does to an enemy. You do not act like someone who should stay.

Move on.
 
#64 ·
Great question. I think it comes down to several things. I grew up with an abusive step parent and I am paranoid my wife would end up in the same kind of relationship with my child.
I believe I am co-dependent more than I realized.
I was in the military. Perhaps that is why I have a kind of black and white way of seeing things.

Eyes open, mouth shut.
Definitely.

Is this how you really want to spend the rest of your life??

I’m sorry and good luck
I know a ****ty way to live. You are right.

Let me understand, you are staying in the marriage for the kid, yeah bad idea. However, you are concerned that you wife may be having an affair.

Well yes she probably is, or is fixing to, and she really thinks you are stupid by the way, the way that she brought it up.

So yeah, mouth shut eyes open, check her phone, VAR and all of that.

But I am with @personofinterest and everyone else... Why do you care?

Let's ask some other questions:

1) Do you want out of the marriage and are you looking for a good reason?

2) Why do you want out and besides the child, why have you not tried to move on?

3) Do you want to work on the marriage, or is it just dead to you.

4) Do you actually love your wife?

5) Do you guys have any type of sex life?

I would really like to know the answers to all of those questions. It would give us all a clearer picture.

But yeah, she is either banging this guy or wants too, which means she will...
Yeah, a cute big guy that gives gifts and offers night time helicopter rides to married ladies he meets at work... Nah, nothing to worry about. YOu're overreacting. Just give the guy a box of condoms and tell him good luck with your wife, since he's made it clear what he's after and you don't enjoy competing for your wife with other men-- but don't want to raise kids who aren't yours. Shame him, shame her.

Cute big guy with the helicopter. Geez. Does it get any more obvious?
I do love my wife in a weird way I think. Although I was not when we first married.
I do think she wants to bang him.
We do have sex about once per week. Relationship wise it is the least fulfilling sex I have had.
I am not sure how much I want to work on the marriage. Part of me does then when this kind of **** happens I think **** it. If she ****s around I will do the same to her, and I wont use a condom either.
I think I am to afraid to move on at the moment.
 
#27 ·
Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.

Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was a shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she cant have said cute maybe she said huge. Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?
No I am worried that he and my wife are attracted to one another and an affair may be in the works. As a married man I would never invite a married woman out, even if it is a night flight in a helicopter, nor would I give a woman gifts.

Am I overreacting do you think?
"Well, if your marriage is just for show, why does it even matter to you?"

This
Let me understand, you are staying in the marriage for the kid, yeah bad idea. However, you are concerned that you wife may be having an affair.

Well yes she probably is, or is fixing to, and she really thinks you are stupid by the way, the way that she brought it up.

So yeah, mouth shut eyes open, check her phone, VAR and all of that.

But I am with @personofinterest and everyone else... Why do you care?

Let's ask some other questions:

1) Do you want out of the marriage and are you looking for a good reason?

2) Why do you want out and besides the child, why have you not tried to move on?

3) Do you want to work on the marriage, or is it just dead to you.

4) Do you actually love your wife?

5) Do you guys have any type of sex life?

I would really like to know the answers to all of those questions. It would give us all a clearer picture.

But yeah, she is either banging this guy or wants too, which means she will...
 
#30 ·
Yeah, a cute big guy that gives gifts and offers night time helicopter rides to married ladies he meets at work... Nah, nothing to worry about. YOu're overreacting. Just give the guy a box of condoms and tell him good luck with your wife, since he's made it clear what he's after and you don't enjoy competing for your wife with other men-- but don't want to raise kids who aren't yours. Shame him, shame her.

Cute big guy with the helicopter. Geez. Does it get any more obvious?
 
#41 · (Edited)
Hi all. I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself. A couple of years ago a guy where my wife works gave her a small gift. It was related to his work and consisted of a duffel bag with logo, baseball cap and a t-shirt. She likes flying and this gift had logos of the company he worked for printed on it. He is a aircraft crew member. I did not think to much of it, although if a man gives a woman a gift there is almost always something behind it IMO.


Obviously she has been speaking with this guy when he comes to the hospital every now and then with the helicopter.

Yesterday, she said to me "that big cute guy said I could go for a ride with him in the helicopter sometime." Now I don't believe she intended to use the word "cute" as soon as she said it the look on her face turned to shock. I did not say anything other than "that's cool" as I also was as shocked about her choice of words. I even said to myself she can't have said cute maybe she said "huge." Nope, my daughter looked at her mom and said "who is cute." So I know what I heard.

Obviously this is a HUGE red flag. Well I think it is. I spoke to a buddy of mine this morning and he said keep mouth shut and eyes and ears open. Which is what I am doing. Any other suggestions?
Another potential Red Flag that would be a similar, "sound-alike" word would be adjective, "nude".

Just be careful and please keep your eyes as open as are your ears!
 
#42 ·
Hi all I am a married man. Now as some of you know I remain in my marriage due to my child. I know, not a good reason, nevertheless that is why I am still in it I tell myself.
You don't love your wife and don't really want to be married to her.

Have you been truthful to her about why you are still in the marriage?
 
#46 ·
People don’t “stay for the kids”. Few have such altruistic qualities.

They stay because they still love their spouse, don’t want to disrupt their lives, are scared to move on, hope their spouse will fall back in love with them, etc etc.

OP’s wife asked him if he minded if she went on a helicopter ride with a big cute guy at work (clearly a date), and his response was “yeah that’s cool”. It’s eating him up inside, yet he does what he’s been doing all along— nothing.

OP, if your wife no longer loves you, set her free. You’ll be setting yourself free, too.
Women aren’t as hard to find as you think.
You can find one that you’re attracted to that thinks the same of you. That’s better than what you’re doing now.

Your child will adapt. Happy apart parents would be better to adapt to to than unloving together parents.

If you do think your wife loves you, start showing some backbone and tell her how you feel. If you can’t tell your wife how you really feel, you need to get a new wife.
 
#50 ·
Big cute helicopter pilot? Does he have a sexy accent too?

I am not familiar with your situation, you are staying for the kid?
Is your wife aware of that? Is she staying for the kids too?
If it is an open marriage then it is different from a regular family, and you two should have boundaries for dating. And this is a date, unless he says bring along Kettle and liitle kid too.

What sort of work does he do in da chopper? If he is medi-vac, Coast guard, Police or Fire Dept, TV news, or exec/rich people transport that is sexier (but most likely off limits except for the bosses for dating flights) than flying above power lines all day for the DWP or spraying crops...
But at the end of the day he is still a cute big guy with access to a helicopter and is wants access to your wife.

Do you care?
 
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