There is only a few 1000 dollars left on the mortgage and it is just a little over 100. With a lot of work and sacrifice I was able to pay more and get payments down very low and affordable for me to pay should I ever have to on my own.
I do have an issue with juat letting everything go and let iy foreclose when there is very little left not to mention tje cheapest thing I can get yes I have checked is more than what of pay now by a couple 100 not counting utilities. What I am paying includes utilities all for less than 600 a month. Then if it foreclosed it effects my credit to where renting a place would causer higher deposits, and could prevent getting a place in the future.
I also havent said is that he has been verbally and mentally abusive, he is now threatening physical. I have to be cautious due to the fact that when he threatened me that I was calling 911. He said he would have me sent to jail. Come to find out that is easy to do for an abuser to manipulate their way around from being responsible. Also he is in pockets with all local police. This is small good ole boy scratch my back I'll scratch yours.
The policy is that if there is a call for domestic someone is going to jail. I believe he could do that too. The one officer I know that isnt corrupt spoke with me saying to be safe as possible but if it gets to getting out of hand to leave. If I cant to try and get to a neighbor and get them to call. This way there are witnesses and not just ones word against the other. He did say depending on who arrives on the called he jas seen thibgs go bad for the woman. Most abusers are calm when they arrive and can manipulate it for the one abused to be sited for DV. There are many that look out for these guy's because they are just as bad at home.
I contacted a shelter but due to my sons age only I can go I would have to leave him behind. He cant be left alone and he would be if I am not here.
The first thing you do is buy yourself some VARs. Leave one in a hidden place in the house and carry the other one with you at all times. If he is abusive then record it and use it against him. He will soon back down cause he is just a bully.
Speak to your friends, family, neighbors about what is going on (you have nothing to be ashamed of) and it will keep him accountable. He cannot abuse you or do anything to you once it is common knowledge what he is like.
Speak to the police man and tell him everything.
Is the house under joint names or your name only? You need to speak to a lawyer about this in more detail, your lawyer sounds small town and not really up for the detail that is needed to sort your problem.
How old is your son?
In the meantime is it possible to live separately in the house (if you cannot get him out?). Stop cooking, cleaning, laundry etc for your WH, live as if he is not there. Do the 180 on him to emotionally detach and investigate how you can disentangle your financial affairs.
What will the outcome be if you file for divorce? Surely the court will ask you to sell assets and he will have to pay alimony?
In the meantime also get yourself some counselling to learn to stand up for yourself and detach from your abusive WH.
Perhaps you can send out signals to the OW, tell her to take him off your hands while you plan an exit.
Till now you are sending him signals that you want him, you are fighting and checking up on him, giving him boundaries, etc, this is telling him that you still want to fight for him. This is a mistake, detach detach detach. Show no interest in anything he is doing, do not ask questions, do not engage, do not do anything for him. Use the 'grey rock' technique. Meanwhile, work on your exit.