The impact of infidelity on the children - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #31 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-24-2019, 06:13 PM
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Me, bro and sis were lucky because we didnt need our father financially, because our mother steped up and covered everything thats was basic and some more while karma bus hitted my father so HARD financially that years later (when they finally divorced for real) he even tried to ask for alimony from her.

But the harder part to forgive my father for was the emotional destruction he left behind while he went to live his whatever. My mother was mentally and emotionally instable, would blow for no reason and accuse us of doing things we didnt do, even wake me to slap me and stuff like that. So we were completely deprived of a father and mostly deprived of a mother, and we had no mental/emotional estability at home, and NEVER silence at home for so long that both bro and sis are insecure at everything and anything and have anxiety phases and stuff. I always had to deal with the worst part as i was older, but i always had this introspection to observe and read and rationalize everything, something they dont have, making it harder for them to understand.

My fathers self-love, egoism and lack of empathy cheating mom for almost 2 decades messed part of us 4 that we had and still have to deal and rebuid (or build even better).
You say you've forgiven your father. Has he changed and taken responsibility for what he did to all of you?
@alte Dame

But no, I dont think he will ever be able to admit and understand the whole destruction he left behind, both for lacking of lack of inteligence and lack of emotional courage to face it.

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post #32 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-24-2019, 08:28 PM
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Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

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And this is partly why I go mental when I hear people spout nonsense about cheating so they can stay in a marriage they’re not happy in.
yeah, like children are so resilient.
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post #33 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-24-2019, 08:38 PM
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Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

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I'm a child raised seing my fathers affair until he started "the moving out process" whe i was 17. He cheated on my mom their entire marriage and she couldnt go looking for him (he used to travel to visit my grandma and his girlfriends were all from that city) because she had to work and raise me, bro and sis, because my fathers money went entirely for partying.

Ive started reading foruns like this one, SI or LS or even the people from the MSM (non related) when i was 19 and before and it helped me to forgive my father and understand he had a underdeveloped personality (now he had to do a lot of growing up in those years after tjeir divorce, so its easier) and by me forgiving him and treating him respectfully and talking normaly my brothers are closer to forgiving him too. I mostly dont remember anything related to it nowdays, but ometimes i trigger and come back to these foruns read everything i can until i get saturated (once a years or once every 2 years just reading, not answering).

Im really thankfull for all your stories because it helped me so much to be understanding and loving toward human problems. But I know if it wasnt for the books, foruns and a kind of catartic help throught those i would be pretty unstable, especially because my mom almost went insane, so i had to understand why and how she became like that (now im 30 and my mom simply rocks, she is way mentally better than all cheated wifes ive met, but she triggers too and she doesnt even knows what a trigger is, but i know and i understand that she is being harsh not because she isnt a good or loving mother, but because she isnt completely healed).
(((moon7)))
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post #34 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-24-2019, 09:31 PM
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I'm a child raised seing my fathers affair until he started "the moving out process" whe i was 17. He cheated on my mom their entire marriage and she couldnt go looking for him (he used to travel to visit my grandma and his girlfriends were all from that city) because she had to work and raise me, bro and sis, because my fathers money went entirely for partying.

Ive started reading foruns like this one, SI or LS or even the people from the MSM (non related) when i was 19 and before and it helped me to forgive my father and understand he had a underdeveloped personality (now he had to do a lot of growing up in those years after tjeir divorce, so its easier) and by me forgiving him and treating him respectfully and talking normaly my brothers are closer to forgiving him too. I mostly dont remember anything related to it nowdays, but ometimes i trigger and come back to these foruns read everything i can until i get saturated (once a years or once every 2 years just reading, not answering).

Im really thankfull for all your stories because it helped me so much to be understanding and loving toward human problems. But I know if it wasnt for the books, foruns and a kind of catartic help throught those i would be pretty unstable, especially because my mom almost went insane, so i had to understand why and how she became like that (now im 30 and my mom simply rocks, she is way mentally better than all cheated wifes ive met, but she triggers too and she doesnt even knows what a trigger is, but i know and i understand that she is being harsh not because she isnt a good or loving mother, but because she isnt completely healed).
(((moon7)))
? @NextTimeAround
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post #35 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 08:15 AM
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Re: The impact of infidelity on the children

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Those are hugs.
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post #36 of 36 (permalink) Old 09-25-2019, 09:02 AM
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Those are hugs.
Thank you.
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